Post Number: 2
|Posted on Sunday, October 04, 2020 - 12:34 am: ||
Hi. I have zero access to a real disciplinarian for multiple reasons. Won't get into that. Used to though, a lot. And hard. I really haven't been spanked at all in four years when my last disciplinarian and friend and I parted ways. At first I strained to find someone and would self spank, but I finally got used to no spankings and actually became proud myself for not being dependent on punishment for every little thing anymore. (I certainly didn't think ill of those who were as I had long-since been one!) But lately I have begun a horrible... awful... terrible habit I don't truly care to admit. It really isn't necessary. I need to stop this puppy. Badly. It's a cross between wanting to kill the guilt and desire to stop the behavior which is REALLY serious. I'd like to do one self spanking AT LEAST just for all the times I've already done this thing. Then one for each time in the future I do it again. I have a large bag of tricks but none of them truly seem severe enough. I... I need this to go over and beyond... Problem is I have a really weak arm. I recently spent a lot of time in the hospital and am still not feeling well at all most of the time and am in bed a lot. I want to start rubberband exercises. I have every band in the book but the lightest, of course. Somehow it got thrown out in my move to my own apartment. Anyway... I'll find a way to get one without buying a full $20-some set online but until then... a little sol. I also need this to be the most severe self-given implement available. Combining the two (weakness and need) is bothering me. I'm looking at a couple of thin wooden paddles with small (unbeveled) holes. I seriously doubt I could ever raise blisters now but I have received a paddling with something similar once in my life. It beat the lexan canings at full force when he held back with this slightly. It had me screaming and fighting to get off his lap even though I WANTED blisters that time (Long story, but I did something really stupid, dangerous... something that would be bad for anyone but with sexual predators out there that would love a way to hurt me even more and could if they got ahold of the pictures I shared with someone else... something I'd been instructed by friends, family, current disciplinarian, psychologist AND the woman at the domestic and sexual abuse shelter in my hometown NEVER to do it could have been REALLY bad and dangerous. He hadn't really wanted to go that far but I begged him and he finally agreed as long as he didn't break any blisters. Only got little blood blisters which sucked back in the next day, but it was something, and just the pain of getting it from spank 1 was so intense it alone was enough to keep me from ever repeating the deed. I don't know how hard even a light one would be to wield though. The other thing my friend (who would do this herself if she didn't live on the other side of the world, heh... online punishment roleplay is as far as she can come) is a studded leather paddle. I know NOTHING about these. Have no experience at all... don't know what they feel like, how they handle, etc. Does anyone have any suggestions? Please? I'm okay to do this health-wise as long as I watch when I do it... not when I'm struggling with things really badly. So please don't let my hospital and recooperating time be a discourager to you. I know what I can do and when i can do it. Any help greatly appreciated. (Oh, and don't feel like you have to pick one of those two things... those are just what I have things narrowed down to right now)
Post Number: 5
|Posted on Tuesday, February 01, 2022 - 09:38 am: ||
if self spanking with weak arm, paddle would be hard perhaps. small short "switch", might work. but may i suggest cornertime on a tall barstool. covered with aquarium pebbles, or uncooked rice, or uncooked lentils, or sandpaper. nice and quiet.