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Advanced Spanko
Username: Subbie

Post Number: 349
Registered: 05-2006
Posted on Monday, October 18, 2010 - 06:30 pm:   Edit Post

from time to time I see post where the person is saying they are afraid to ask, not sure it is mostly woman who say they are afraid to ask or not, but being woman i would like to add my two cents worth to the question.

First woman have come a long way and I see no problem in letting the person we are in a releationship know of our needs/wants....our BF/Husbands usualy don't have a problem letting us know when they want some sex. if they can approach us for that, then we can let them know of our needs too, I would say just tell them..they won't faint.
my name says it all
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Moderator/Spanking Aficionado
Username: Bethie

Post Number: 2072
Registered: 04-2005

Posted on Monday, October 18, 2010 - 08:51 pm:   Edit Post

This is a subject that I've had a lot of experience addressing because I get asked about it a lot. I've been in this spanking lifestyle my entire adult life. It's so much a part of who I am that I can't imagine not having it in a relationship. Because of that I had to do some asking in my time. I didn't find Dan immediately so I had boyfriends that had to be tested, initiated, and trained. Yup, that's right, sometimes ya gotta train 'em.

Women have come a long way, but it's always going to be difficult to admit your desires are a bit outside what is considered the "norm" in our society. A little slap and tickle is one thing, but serious spanking is a whole other subject and not everyone is going to understand the need for that. It's not an easy topic to bring up even with someone you trust.

Like Subbie said, guys can ask us for sex. And why not, almost anybody can have sex, right? We can even enjoy sex now. Way back when, women were just supposed to submit to their man and orgasms *gasp* were out of the question. We really have come a long way, baby!

Now the question is, are you willing to ask and work to get the spanking you want out of your man? A lot of guys think a couple of swats is all you're looking for. Been there, done that and it does not satisfy. In fact, that can be more aggravating than nothing at all.

The trick is getting your point across in a way that will leave no doubt in his mind about what you want. Details are important here as you go along, so are tools if you have any. Guys like tools and if you equip them for the job as you progress, sometimes it makes more sense to them. I'd suggest not breaking out the big guns too early though, you don't want to overwhelm him. Small paddles and hair or bath brushes are good starters. You may have to negotiate, compromise, and be very enthusiastic with every step (blow job, blow job, blow job, mixed in with the things you know he *likes*) but it'll be worth it if you can get what you want. Remember, there's no shame in asking for what you want or need from your relationship.

So, if you've been sitting around waiting for your man to suddenly read your mind and figure out all those "hints" you've been giving him, quit waiting! You're going to have to take some initiative. Men are not mind readers, I promise you they aren't. Yeah, saying it out loud is scary and has the potential of being embarrassing, but if you don't do something you'll never know if it could also be completely wonderful and exactly what you've been waiting for. What I think is even scarier than asking is not asking and never having this desire fulfilled.

Think about that for a bit then get yourself pumped up and go for it!
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Username: Yorkie69

Post Number: 31
Registered: 08-2010
Posted on Tuesday, October 19, 2010 - 01:24 am:   Edit Post

Well said Bethie. My wife couldn't read my mind either but she knew something was bothering me and after much coaxing I finally blurted it out only to be completely amazed by the answer, a rather nanchalant "Ok". So I say go for it and ask because your partner can't read minds and communication works wonders in any relationship.

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