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New member
Username: Sweetspothoney

Post Number: 1
Registered: 08-2010
Posted on Wednesday, August 04, 2010 - 12:49 am:   Edit Post

Ok, I know there's about a million "how to ask for a spanking" posts, but I havnt seen one quite like this, so here goes:

I'm in a committed relationship with a man who I love more than anything. I really want him to spank me. He's happy to provide a solid smack to the rear during sex, but never does any more. My moans for "harder" get another smack but n o harder. I think he's afraid of hurting me.
I long for a good otk spanking, but I don't know how to ask without pressuring him into something that he doesn't want to do.
I've even tried walking in in a school uniform carrying a paddle and still only goten a few light smacks. Is this a sign that he just doesn't want to spank me?
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Moderator/Spanking Aficionado
Username: Bethie

Post Number: 2065
Registered: 04-2005

Posted on Wednesday, August 04, 2010 - 11:07 pm:   Edit Post

I think it's more a sign that he doesn't understand what you're looking for. If he's not a spanko then he has little or no idea what it is you're feeling or what you desire. He may not have a clue how important it is either. He might think the occasional smack is all that you're looking for.

I mean c'mon, have you seen those vanilla pornos that have what they call it a spanking but there's barely a little tapping going on? He may not understand you're looking for a whole lot more.

I'm sorry, but you're going to have to spell it out for detail. Yeah, yeah, embarrassing and scary, but how else are you going to get what you want?

Some folks start by easing their loved in by sending letters, notes, or emails explaining what they want. That can give the other person time to take it in and sort through their own feelings about it. Once the ice is broken, that would be a good time for a face to face.

There are people who suggest sites to visit, but be careful if you go that route. For example, there are probably topics here that have nothing to do with your own particular spanking needs so you would have to pick out specific threads and not the site as a whole. The site as a whole for someone who knows nothing about this lifestyle could be overwhelming. Keep that in mind for any site if you go that route.

One suggestion I have is that you find a good story that suits your fancy and has really specific details that are close to what you are looking for and show it to him. You know him, you know what he is capable of, so don't go crazy and pick something that will completely overwhelm the man either.

If he shows any interest at all, you need to let him know how much you appreciate his efforts...every time. Keep in mind that this is something you've thought about for a long time and he might need time to figure it out if it's new to him.

If he's afraid he'll hurt you, explain how a good spanking actually makes you feel. He may not understand it, so you may have to really convince him that it's what you want.

Remember, keep showing your appreciation while making sure he understands this is something you really, really want. And be prepared in case he just can't do it. I'm hoping it'll work out for you though; it sounds like you've got a good relationship already.

Good luck!
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Username: Chuck

Post Number: 20
Registered: 07-2005
Posted on Friday, August 06, 2010 - 11:32 am:   Edit Post

Asking for a spanking


What do you mean by a good OTK spanking? It means different things to different people.

If out of the blue my wife walked into our bedroom without prior discussion dressed in a school girl uniform carrying a paddle I would be very confused.

I am a male and all a male knows intuitively is how to satisfy themselves. We want to please our women, if for no other than selfish reasons, but we have to be taught. Men do not have a clue. Please see one of those books like “Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus.” We do not think like you do! Tell him what you want in excruciating detail, reward his effort and critique his work. Men will not figure it out. Men need something like - there are 27 steps to properly cleaning your shot gum -stem one is..

How about this. When you are alone together having a glass of wine say something like..

One of the reasons I love you so much is because you are such a cool, macho guy and you know how to handle a woman like me. (or something like that) I have a secret to share with you and you are the only man in the world I feel safe enough with to tell. I want you to handle me in a new, special way. If it is an erotic spanking you crave, don’t just tell him you want a spanking but you want him to put you OTK, take your panties down and spank your..(tell him what you want). If you want a DD relationship, tell him what you want - you know dear when I annoy you or don’t do what I am supposed to do I why don’t you take me to our room, put me OTK and spank me until….(tell him what you want.)

Reward his effort. I will be blunt - oral sex. How about when NCIS is over whisper in his ear that you were just thinking about the spanking you got last night and go down on him. Reward and reinforce behavior you want to encourage.

Good Luck
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Username: Fred2010

Post Number: 24
Registered: 06-2010
Posted on Friday, August 06, 2010 - 12:35 pm:   Edit Post

A frank expression can be scary for both. But more than a hint is needed. Looking back, I can now recognize at least four women who would have wanted to be spanked but I did not fully pick up on their hints and even when they were quit strong, I didn't dare.Mind you with one exception my relationship with them was quit casual. So as Chuck suggests a more direct approach may be needed.
One way into difficult situations is with a bit of humor that leaves options open. Rather than saying, "this is what I need, or else", you can say, "hey, I heard about spanking and let's try it for fun". Try it, see if he likes it, and later say "harder, I like it". This leaves more options open and lets you, him, adjust over time. He may hold back at first but I would think that most men would oblige a bottom.
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New member
Username: Jolene

Post Number: 1
Registered: 08-2010
Posted on Friday, August 06, 2010 - 01:49 pm:   Edit Post

I don't think he's into it - the school uniform thing is pretty clear 'this is what i want'.He knows you want it. The smack during sex gets him the response he wants. He is playing you.
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Moderator/Spanking Aficionado
Username: Bethie

Post Number: 2067
Registered: 04-2005

Posted on Monday, August 16, 2010 - 12:42 am:   Edit Post

Do you have an update for us, Sweetspothoney? Just wondering how you're doing...
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Username: Rosycheeks

Post Number: 27
Registered: 05-2010
Posted on Tuesday, August 17, 2010 - 01:35 pm:   Edit Post

Hi,To expand on Bethie's idea of sharing a story with him, what about writing your own? Write out a spanking fantasy and ask him to critique it for you then ask him if he'd like to act it out with you.
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New member
Username: Jeannie

Post Number: 5
Registered: 10-2010
Posted on Friday, October 29, 2010 - 02:18 am:   Edit Post


I think you are right on. Tell him what you want, explain it in detail one or two times, then leave it up to him. Either he is going to catch on or not.

My last BF really got into it when as Chuck suggested, and for me it was usually the next day I would give him some awesome oral sex. As time went on there was almost an unwritten rule between us that if I got what I needed, a good whipping with his belt, he would get what he wanted, a good bj or two.

I'm new here and don't want to hijack the thread but the name of the game is compromise ! I get what I want/need he gets what he wants.

Good luck !

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