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New member
Username: Slg

Post Number: 2
Registered: 07-2009
Posted on Sunday, July 05, 2009 - 10:52 pm:   Edit Post

When I met my (now) husband. I lied so much to the poor guy about my... preferences. I pretended I didn't know what turned me on. Then, I told him that I was only just realizing that maybe, I liked it a little rough. He was a virgin too, and I think any one with any amount of experience would have realized what a liar I was, but he didn't. We were engaged before I came out with it. At first he was freaked out by it. Men aren't supposed to hit women. He was afraid of hurting me, and he felt like he was doing something wrong. It's about then that I started looking around on the internet for more information and also how I stumbled across this forum. I kept coming back because it was among the few sites that were just fellow spankers/ees talking and giving each other tips and advice, as opposed to advertisements for spanking videos and the like. It's really helped me get more comfortable with my kink.

It's been three years since I dropped the bomb on my husband, and he's really gotten into things. He has no problem turning me over and giving me a few well-placed swats when I annoy him, and he makes sure I know he's annoyed, too. Shortly after we got married (9 months ago) we got a hand-paddle dubbed "the mahogany smacker" and he loves threatening me with it. It still bothers me that he doesn't get aroused by it. For me, it's like instant arousal. It's the thing that always does the job. With him, though, he gets more amusement out of it than anything else. I've tried to talk about it to him countless times and his answers to my questions are always the same. He doesn't think I'm a freak or that there's anything wrong with me. He doesn't get aroused by spanking me, but he does get enjoyment/amusement by it, and he has no problem doing it. I guess I would feel better about things if he had a "thing" too. At least then maybe we could incorporate it into my thing and we'd both get off. He doesn't have a "on button" like I do, and it makes me feel terrible.

He just gets aroused through more conventional things like me getting undressed and/or wearing lingerie for him or if I physically stimulate him. I've tried experimenting with him. I tried dressing up for him. I tried role playing. I tried "throwing him down" (very hard considering I'm a weakling, and he's six inches taller and bigger than me). He laughs, and even though I know he's just doing it because that's how he reacts when he's nervous or taken by surprise, it still hurts my feelings. Plus when he does get stimulated, I don't know why. Whenever he's spontaneously aroused, he says it's just because he happened to be horny. When I threw him down, he got aroused pretty quickly, but was that because I threw him down and was "roughing him up" or because I was sitting on top of him with my boobs in his face?

I don't know. I guess I'm still pretty freaked out about this whole thing, and part of me still feels like there's something wrong with me. I feel like I'm dominating the sexual relationship because if I don't get spanked, I don't get "prepared" enough to have sex, and if there's no preparation, he hurts me. A lot. He feels terrible when he does this, and I don't want him to feel bad about having sex with me, so I've been telling him I'm ready even when I'm not. I tried imagining being spanked while we're having sex, but it works maybe half the time, probably less. You have to understand how great our relationship is otherwise. We make each other so happy and trust each other implicitly. I've never felt so secure. I'm just scared that if we can't satisfy each other sexually, it'll hurt our relationship. I can't imagine my life without him. Also, we're planning to try getting pregnant at the end of the year once we're in our own place. I have no idea how to begin coping with my kink while having kids in the house.

If any one has any words of wisdom, I would greatly appreciate them. Thank you for reading my novel. :-)

(Message edited by fanny on July 06, 2009)

(Message edited by fanny on July 08, 2009)
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Username: Her_guy

Post Number: 56
Registered: 12-2006
Posted on Monday, July 06, 2009 - 10:28 pm:   Edit Post

Hi Slg,

Welcome to the Forum!

Yours is a complex problem, but nothing that most of us haven't already gone through. It took me many years (and many, many soul bareing conversations) before my Wife began to fully understand my need to get spanked.

You will have to evaluate the strength of your own desires. If getting spanked in a certain way by someone with a certain attitude is really important to you, you had best think before having children, as it may be a problem later.

But if everything else is great, I can't help but believe that your Husband will come through in the end (pun intended!). He just needs to be educated a lot. After all, this is a somewhat unusual idea to a lot of people.

If I can help, let me know. I've been there and done that (to use a common expression).

Best regards,

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New member
Username: Slg

Post Number: 5
Registered: 07-2009
Posted on Tuesday, July 07, 2009 - 11:34 pm:   Edit Post

thanks, Ed. I think the bottom line is that regardless of his attitude, it's him that I want to be spanked by. I'm just concerned because I want him to be happy and satisfied too, and maybe the fact that he doesn't have a kink like I do makes me feel insecure.
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New member
Username: Tank

Post Number: 6
Registered: 07-2009
Posted on Tuesday, July 14, 2009 - 05:12 pm:   Edit Post

Hmmm.... I once heard from a lady that good sex was all about communication.

I personally don't care if a girl 'fakes' an orgasm. It simply heightens my arousal and make me feel appreciated.

Maybe you could clearly communicate that you'd like a hand warming up for about 2 minutes, followed by whatever you'd like, and be clear that it doesn't have to very long at all.

But more importantly, his lack of arousal could really be helped by you providing audible feedback. Music has the capacity to almost instantly change someone's mood.

If you were to purr, rock back and forth, grind, and make sexy sounds, he probably be like 'oh yeah, I love it when she does that' and would probably even mow the lawn to get you to do that, much less giving you what you need w/ spanking.

I do hope that this was not too graphic of a post.
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New member
Username: Slg

Post Number: 9
Registered: 07-2009
Posted on Thursday, July 16, 2009 - 08:28 pm:   Edit Post

well a big issue is privacy. Whenever we have it, we always have a much better time because we are able to be more audible. we're both novices. we were virgins when we met and we didn't start sleeping together until six months after we were engaged. I guess you could say we're slowly learning together over time. It'll be a year that we've been married in October. :-)

I think you're right about the making noise factor - if nothing else, it boosts his confidence, I've noticed, and he definitely has made hints. Again - the privacy issue makes that difficult.

mow the lawn? I'm not sure I want to know what that means, lol.
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New member
Username: Strapped

Post Number: 4
Registered: 09-2009
Posted on Sunday, September 13, 2009 - 09:05 pm:   Edit Post

It sounds like it is working. You're getting spanked, he's enjoying himself, just not getting desperately aroused. My wife is like that when she spanks me. What she says though, is that it turns her on to turn me on. It may be that your guy is that way. Spanking is not his thing, but you are, so he does it for you and certainly doesn't seem to mind. Give it time, keep talking honestly about feelings, yours and his, and maybe your guy and my girl will both come to like it nearly as much as we do.
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New member
Username: Vixie

Post Number: 10
Registered: 07-2009
Posted on Monday, September 14, 2009 - 01:05 am:   Edit Post

Sometimes it just takes a while. You have a life time of a certain mindset that he has to overcome. He went his whole life being conditioned that it is wrong to hit women, it may take a while to get far enough past that for spanking to become an excited state for him.

One thing that you could try is to entice and tease. Wear short dresses and skirts around the house and flash that bottom his way whenever you can. Be a little bold, get saucy, when you give him a peak ask him what he's thinking, taunt a little and say things like your'e looking at my bottom like you can't wait to get it over your lap, plant the idea that he's getting hot for it and maybe he really will.
Write him some short notes telling him how hot it makes you when he takes control and spanks you. There again be brave and get graphic, tell him all the things that his spanking you wants to make you do to him.
It's almost like reconditioning for lack of a better way to put it. If you keep relating being spanked and sex together, eventualy his brain will start making that connection too. At least that's my theory, and that is pretty much the way it worked for me and my hubby.

Just make sure to do this in a fun and loving way. Leave out any frustration you may be feeling and rejoice in the baby steps.
Hope this helps, good luck!
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New member
Username: Darkdruid09

Post Number: 2
Registered: 12-2009
Posted on Friday, December 11, 2009 - 03:44 am:   Edit Post

Me and my wife have been together for 20 years. I didn't even tell her about my needs until about 10 years ago! We then had a period of me spanking her all the time, but I realised that she really wasn't into it. So this stopped.
We have recently got to the point where we have had to sit down and discuss this as a very important need in me and come to some compromise i.e. we have a contract, limiting the spanking to certain days (I wanted any day with a 'y' in it, but she wouldn't go for that!)and the amount of strokes, clothes to be worn etc. We are in the early stages of this, but I am hopeful that it will work. Best case scenario is that she actually gets to like it?
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New member
Username: Scartlet_bottom

Post Number: 5
Registered: 01-2010
Posted on Wednesday, January 13, 2010 - 04:42 pm:   Edit Post

My husband and I have been doing the spanking thing for just over a year. When We started he was not in to it too much I had to encourage him -teach him what I wanted-I devised senarios, purchased implements etc. It took a while but eventually he grew in to it and now he is master and enjoys giving me a good lickin' Keep encouraging him and he may and you may find, like I did, that you unleash the "monster" in him!( I say that jokingly-My "monster" is the best)

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