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New member
Username: J397

Post Number: 2
Registered: 03-2007
Posted on Sunday, October 07, 2007 - 11:09 am:   Edit Post


I'm kind of new here... posted an ad on the meet and greet a while ago, thought I'd finally say hello properly!

I'm a 25-year-old guy in the UK... been 'into' spanking for as long as I can remember, as I guess most people on here have. I've had a few real life experiences - a couple with people met through sites like this (after long, long periods of emailing first!) and once with an ex-girlfriend, who decided it wasn't her thing.

My question is - how on earth do you find the person you're looking for? It's difficult enough finding meeting someone special in real life normally, let along throwing in this kink too. Most of the people on here seem to be in spanking relationships - how did you meet? In real life or through the web?

It'd be great to hear from anyone about their experiences...

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Moderator/Spanking Aficionado
Username: Bethie

Post Number: 1714
Registered: 04-2005

Posted on Sunday, October 07, 2007 - 06:33 pm:   Edit Post

Jason, for starters, the intro you posted in the Meet and Greet area wasn't an "ad" to us. We don't do that here; we focus on discussions. It's possible to become friends with others here as we discuss spanking and maybe something will come of that in time, but it's not the primary goal of this forum. It's one of the possible side benefits, if you will.

Also, by participating in the discussions, you not only become more visible to other single spankos, but you might also make a spanko friend who knows of someone who's also looking and point them in your direction. That often happens in these communities.

I've met my spanking partners in a variety of ways. There was the seemingly vanilla boyfriend I introduced to spanking fun, and that took time and patience before we got on the same page. My first dom I met socially and we immediately hit it off, but we didn't become involved until we found ourselves in the same spanking group. I knew there was something about that guy! As for the rest, I met them all through spanking groups of one kind or another.

I met Dan, my love, on another discussion group. We became friends on the board, then started emailing each other which led to IMing, then moved on to marathon phone calls that stretched long into the night, every night, and finally to a face to face meeting. (Btw, I had to travel quite a ways but I had done my homework and had a safety net in place.)

Being single can be tough, but if you put too much pressure on yourself to find someone, it can become even tougher. My best advice is to make yourself visible. Get involved in groups online or in real life if possible, get to know same-minded people, and make friends.

As you do that, you'll get lots of information, maybe learn a thing or two, and explore your own needs and desires. It helps to meet those with more experience because they often have good advice. Just remember, there's no one "right" way for any of us, but sometimes you can find some guidance or learn what you don't want or should be on the lookout for.

Also, as you move through this, don't be surprised if your spanking tastes change as you move along. I'm not the same spanko now that I was at 25, but on the other hand, the man I was with then is still a good friend and he has pretty much the same tastes now as he did then.

The one thing I haven't mentioned are the online dating sites. I had a terrible time with one site, the guys came on too strong and for the most part, they didn't even bother to read what I was looking for. It was bad! But I've heard other people have had better luck. I met Dan right after that experience so I didn't explore that area too much.

(As an aside, I've been planning to set up a dating site for spankos but haven't had much time to work on it. It's tough but if I ever get it going, I'll be sure and post about it.)

Good luck with your search and keep us updated!
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New member
Username: O4mstrsnee

Post Number: 31
Registered: 08-2007
Posted on Sunday, October 07, 2007 - 08:11 pm:   Edit Post

It takes time and patience if you ask me. We are just like any other person with and added enjoyment. So just be yourself and be open to all possabilities. I must also say I agree with Bethie you should use this groupa s well asoters to educate yourself and learn all you can. Many times i find new things here in the chats to try.
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New member
Username: Curiousdevil

Post Number: 2
Registered: 10-2007
Posted on Monday, October 08, 2007 - 08:45 am:   Edit Post

Don't worry, Jason, you're not alone in your struggles to find a partner who shares your passion for spanking either. However, I reckon it all comes down to communication. I don't mean finding a nice girl and bluntly telling her that you like spanking. There's a time and a place for everything.

I personally suspect that alot of people understand the attraction of spanking, and most will at least consider the idea of it. But, having said that, do not discount the girl just bcause she can't fill in the slot. For some, it can be instaneous, for others, they might have to grow into it.

It's tough finding them, but when you do, it's worth the wait.

(Mind you, as much as I give advise about finding a partner, I've yet to have a spanking partner. What a fantastic disclaimer, huh?)
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New member
Username: J397

Post Number: 4
Registered: 03-2007
Posted on Saturday, November 10, 2007 - 03:31 am:   Edit Post

Hi guys,

Thanks for your replies. I thought I'd replied to this a week or two ago, but it seems to have disappeared, so I'm trying again! Perhaps I got my password wrong.

I realise my post in the Meet & Greet area wasn't an "ad"... writing that was a slip. I guess making myself visible is the best advice... it's just that with work and other things I don't manage to get on here very often - so it's hard to get involved in online communities. But I shall try...!

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Username: Tmichellebrat

Post Number: 195
Registered: 10-2005

Posted on Saturday, November 10, 2007 - 12:16 pm:   Edit Post

Hi Jason,
I agree with the others here,keeping yourself visible is the best thing. And when you do find that "special" someone who is into the lifestyle as well then I suggest keep the communication open because that is very important in any relationship and in my opinion more important in a spanking relationship.

I have been into spanking since I was 18 years old and I had my first spanking relationship with my now ex-husband, how I met him was through a mutual friend who happened to be into spanking.

The guy I am with now is a Dom and we met online...actually I was on AOL one night skimming through the AOL directory for people specifically into spanking and found his profile and just emailed him out of the blue. We started chatting online, and emailing quite a bit for a long time which turned into talking on the phone which turned into meeting each other, and the rest is history!

You will find that "special" someone who you will be compatible with in all areas , it just does take time, and patience. Good luck on your search! And BTW, keeping yourself educated and learning everything you can about this lifestyle is good advice, I have been in DD and D/s relationships for 15 years now and I am still discovering and learning new things about it all the time, especially through the Den. Take care!

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