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Laszlo
Junior Spanko
Username: Laszlo
Post Number: 85
Registered: 01-2006
| | Posted on Tuesday, February 28, 2006 - 02:22 am: | 
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There have been times when i revealed my fetish and been called on one occasion a "sexual freak" among other things. Has anyone else had negative responses about their fetish. |
Fanny
Moderator/Spanking Aficionado
Username: Fanny
Post Number: 1982
Registered: 05-2005
| | Posted on Tuesday, February 28, 2006 - 03:38 am: |
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I am VERY careful on what I reveal. Truthfully, most people have some sort of sexual play that someone else would call freakish. That is the main reason I joined the Den, as we understand each other and can say what we like without being labeled.
Queen of Innocence
"Well behaved woman rarely make history"
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Jasmine_1958
Junior Spanko
Username: Jasmine_1958
Post Number: 51
Registered: 02-2006
| | Posted on Tuesday, February 28, 2006 - 06:37 am: |
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I try not to reveal my "fetish". I sometimes hint that a little smack on the butt is fun during sex. Most times when I say that, however, I get a 'you're strange' look. The conversation is then over. That is why I joined this group, also. |
Pinkcheeks
Junior Spanko
Username: Pinkcheeks
Post Number: 138
Registered: 12-2005
| | Posted on Tuesday, February 28, 2006 - 07:07 am: |
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I could not agree more with Fanny and Jasmine...I, too, am very careful about what I reveal and to whom. Its important because of my work position as well as my husbands. I think this Den is an awesome place to just "be myself" ~~~~
"Thought I WAS being a good girl...really I did!"
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Ftopinmichigan
Spanko
Username: Ftopinmichigan
Post Number: 487
Registered: 09-2005
| | Posted on Tuesday, February 28, 2006 - 07:17 am: |
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It's quite hard for me to hide my dominant nature, but I surely don't advertise my spanking or BDSM related interests.
From the few vanilla people that found out about me, it was usually from someone else telling them...I've had positive experiences. Usually they ask me all sorts of questions, and end up asking to see some of my many toys. I feel that it's my contribution to the cause, to educate them.  I've found while most people initially see it as a sick interest, they warm up to the idea, and actually get enticed to asking, or even trying some things. Did I tell you, that I'm the persuasive type? 
K |
Ftopinmichigan
Spanko
Username: Ftopinmichigan
Post Number: 488
Registered: 09-2005
| | Posted on Tuesday, February 28, 2006 - 07:25 am: |
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Oh..and I wanted to add, based on the thread title of "intolerance"....I don't think it's intolerance, as much as ingnorance. Education about sexual preference, and interests will bring people around to understanding and accepting. Well, okay...it'll bring "some" around.
Twenty...okay, maybe thirty  years ago, sex wasn't even mentioned. Today, talk about it is on every "morning" show.
K |
Beachley
Spanko
Username: Beachley
Post Number: 308
Registered: 04-2005
| | Posted on Tuesday, February 28, 2006 - 05:55 pm: |
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I keep it quiet also due to that fact that some people do not understand or look at you strange.
However, Mr. B who is dominant just because he is and was not into spanking until I brought it up mentioned to a young lady at the office the other day (she being young enough to be his daughter) that she had better watch it or she may find herself getting a spanking. LOL Her response was a big grin and "that could be fun".
He dropped the subject right there and I bet ran not walked back to his office.
So not everyone has a negative view on spanking. It was so funny though that she came back the way she did and Mr. B was stopped right in his tracks.
The Spice of Life is having my OWN WAY!! A spanking would be nice.
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Poofette
Junior Spanko
Username: Poofette
Post Number: 57
Registered: 10-2005
| | Posted on Wednesday, March 01, 2006 - 01:54 am: |
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Got a dumb-founded, gotta run, look from a guy I dated. Blushed a bright shade of red. It did, however, crack me up! Maybe me laughing at his reaction was not the best idea.....I had thought I dropped enough hints to kill a horse beforehand but maybe he thought I was kidding? I do have a wicked, sarcastic sense of humor that I rarely try to hide. Taught me to be a bit more cautious when bringing up any of my "special" interests to a date!!!!!!!!!!! Quite frankly though (sorry to the fellows ahead of time) guys will do just about anything you want to get in your pants when you're dating. Nature of the beast, I suppose. |
Ma_vie_en_rose
Junior Spanko
Username: Ma_vie_en_rose
Post Number: 130
Registered: 01-2006
| | Posted on Wednesday, March 01, 2006 - 02:07 am: |
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Ftop, Do you think the fact of people being accepting of your dominance has anything to do with the fact that you are a dominant as opposed to a submissive female?
It seems that--societally speaking--there's something politically incorrect and taboo about a woman submitting to a man, whether it be vestiges of feminism or whatever that makes it that and while there's perhaps something as taboo and unmasculine commonly percieved in men submitting, I would think that one might see a dominant female as almost an empowered icon?
Just a random thought that popped into my head? Do you think those encounters would have run differently had you revealed that you were submissive--or were you a male revealing that you were dominant?
I suppose that it's an open question for anyone. Do you think if you were dominant as opposed to submissive (or vice versa) or male as opposed to female, worries about this "intolerance" might be different? or such revelations of lifestyle might be differently recieved? |
Ftopinmichigan
Spanko
Username: Ftopinmichigan
Post Number: 490
Registered: 09-2005
| | Posted on Wednesday, March 01, 2006 - 06:32 am: |
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Rose, I think people accepting my as a dominant person, has nothing to do with me being a "Dominant" as much as being an outgoing and assertive person.
The intolerance I spoke of was related to the general public, not to those I've spoken to. People I tend to enjoy are probably more open to things to begin with, by default of being my friends. I can't see myself hanging out with closed minded folks.
I do feel that if I was a "submissive" that the conversations probably would have been a bit different. As long as I possessed the same assertive personality, I wouldn't have a problem with talking about my interest. If I was shy about it, or embarrassed (like I see so many expressing), than what I would project might be negative. The positive outlook would show that a "submissive" is not a disease, or a character flaw, but rather a preference, or even a calling for some. It's nothing to be ashamed of, for anyone.
I don't like to see a submissive woman responding to all men and women. I feel a submissive, whether a man or a woman, should only serve the one they are with, and not all.
The intolerance would probably come into play when the person would admit to be a "submissive" and most people, even those currently in the scene, expect that person to be "submissive" to them, and all around. That's just not the case. I think some might try to take advantage of the situation, just by the general definition and connotation fo a submissive woman. A submissive man, often times, is thought of as weak, and mostly by men, but by women as well.
Intolerance is across the board. Unfortunately, I do think submissives get the brunt of it, in the lifestyle.
The world has changed, regarding women, but not THAT much. IMO, If a man proclaimed his dominance, it would be celebrated. If a woman proclaims it, she's probably called a "Bitch," but gets the attention of many men that hear her...but they contact her privately with their fantasies (happens A LOT). If a woman states she's submissive, others think of how that can use that to their advantage (not all...but many). If a man states he's submissive...he's P-whipped. Again, NOT my view, but the generally prevailing ones.
Times are going to change, but probably not in my lifetime.
K |
Me_home_here
New member
Username: Me_home_here
Post Number: 10
Registered: 04-2006
| | Posted on Wednesday, April 19, 2006 - 07:51 am: |
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I try and succeed i hope, in not judging other people for their likes or dislikes. This means that i am not really very carefull about talking freely with other so called open minded adults. This has let to certain "friends" just drifting away from this friendship. This led me to the conclusion that most open minded people are only open to what they appreciate. I am not ashamed of what i am and will not let these people spoil the little pleasures I can get from life |
Louiseoc
New member
Username: Louiseoc
Post Number: 4
Registered: 04-2006
| | Posted on Monday, April 24, 2006 - 12:15 pm: |
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I have never talked about this to anyone in real life apart from my husband and a few past boyfriends. Usually because they gave me an easy opening, saying something like "If you don't behave yourself I'll spank you" and that gave me an opportunity to indicate that I found this an agreeable prospect.
I can't imagine ever talking about it to anyone in real life otherwise. A couple of times a long time ago I had opportunities when I could have talked about it to a couple of female friends, but both times I passed up the opportunity. I just couldn't say a word about it. That's why the Internet is such a blessing, you can talk about absolutely anything on here.
I'm not sure though about sex not being mentioned thirty years ago. Maybe things were different in the US, but in the UK the seventies was a sex-filled decade. Films and TV shows dripped with sexual innuendo, and I grew up with the firm impression that men seldom thought of anything else. |
Me_home_here
Junior Spanko
Username: Me_home_here
Post Number: 82
Registered: 04-2006
| | Posted on Monday, April 24, 2006 - 12:35 pm: |
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Louiseoc I can assure you that whatever we are doing. somewhere in our brain there's some sort of sexual thought going on. i have spoken a few times quite openly with some other people and some of them drif discretely away So if they were real friends, why should this bother them. One of my friends is gay, so what. He' just a nice guy and he has boyfriends. My only problem is tryibg to not mix up their names. They get very touchy about that.
Its like work. the harder its done the better it feels
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Ma_vie_en_rose
Junior Spanko
Username: Ma_vie_en_rose
Post Number: 178
Registered: 01-2006
| | Posted on Monday, April 24, 2006 - 01:20 pm: |
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I used to get the names of my brother's girlfriends mixed up before he got with the current one with whom he's been for about 2 years now. That was the best when he dated sisters.  |
Victoria_wood
New member
Username: Victoria_wood
Post Number: 14
Registered: 04-2006
| | Posted on Monday, April 24, 2006 - 01:35 pm: |
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All of my close friends know. In fact, I consider it an indicator of whether that person is a close friend. They have all been cool, although some of them just don't get it.
I'm active in a local BDSM group, so there is a circle of folks who know from that. I am a lot more comfortable telling people I'm into BDSM than spanking in particular. I'm not sure it that is b/c saying I'm into spanking is more particular information or if it's b/c I think spanking is seen as juvenile whereas BDSM is seen as edgy.
I have never had a friend call me a sicko. But my ex was really scared of my desires, and I thought she thought I was a disgusting pervert. Is it any surprise I didn't want to sleep with her after that?
The idea of spanking as sexual seems to be in the general public sphere, so people make comments a lot. That doesn't mean that they are really into it, however, as I recently found out ...
Cheers,
Victoria
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Me_home_here
Junior Spanko
Username: Me_home_here
Post Number: 87
Registered: 04-2006
| | Posted on Monday, April 24, 2006 - 03:51 pm: |
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There is a french film where it squestion of spanking between the husband(bottom) and his wife(top) Its really only a side story in the film. But its a nice film. The problem is I don't think that there's a traducted version or at least it is subtitled. It all finishes well in the end. (well a spanking always finishes on the end)
Its like work. the harder its done the better it feels
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Gypsygirl
Junior Spanko
Username: Gypsygirl
Post Number: 75
Registered: 04-2006
| | Posted on Monday, April 24, 2006 - 04:17 pm: |
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Quote by Benchley: "However, Mr. B mentioned to a young lady at the office the other day that she had better watch it or she may find herself getting a spanking. Her response was a big grin and "that could be fun". He dropped the subject right there and I bet ran not walked back to his office. So not everyone has a negative view on spanking."
I think that a lot of young people these days would be prompted to give a saucy reply if someone said that to them, it's to do with street cred and not loosing face. Something similar happened with my husband when we first got together. I had bought him a pair of house slippers (at his request) and he took them out of the box (and in front of his flat-mate) waved them around a bit and said 'perfect for smacking your bottom'. I then grabbed the slipper, gave it a wave and said 'Oh no, it needs to be harder than that, I'll go back tomorrow to change it'. I can remember that he gave a feeble laugh, thinking that I had put one over on him, but he never realised that I meant it.
Me.
I remember seeing a TV film once about spanking and how people were so captivated by it but at the same time embarrassed and where the root of people's like came from. It was set in an English school in the 80's I think. I can't for the life of me remember the name of it though. I've seen several films that might feature a spanking scene but not as any integral part of the plot. |
Gypsygirl
Junior Spanko
Username: Gypsygirl
Post Number: 76
Registered: 04-2006
| | Posted on Monday, April 24, 2006 - 04:18 pm: |
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Sorry, got the name wrong. I meant Beachley. |
Me_home_here
Junior Spanko
Username: Me_home_here
Post Number: 96
Registered: 04-2006
| | Posted on Monday, April 24, 2006 - 05:55 pm: |
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I will try to find the name of the film and see if there are subtitles
Its like work. the harder its done the better it feels
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Sissy9
New member
Username: Sissy9
Post Number: 8
Registered: 04-2006
| | Posted on Monday, April 24, 2006 - 10:26 pm: |
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I was in my first chat room, four years ago.The more I got involved time wise, my husband called my cyber friends, everything from perverts,to words I won't print.This is when I came out of the closet to him.I was married to this man for 12 years,and for the first time I didn't know who this person was? My now xhusband,still asks himself,what happened,even after I told him,my feelings,he just didn't get it.It was like we were on two different planets. There is a saying,"we are all here together,just trying to get by the best way,we know how",that always stuck with me and I try to live by it......? |
Me_home_here
Junior Spanko
Username: Me_home_here
Post Number: 144
Registered: 04-2006
| | Posted on Tuesday, April 25, 2006 - 06:02 am: |
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the saying goes that you have to live with someone to know them.
the saying does'nt say how long it takes
Its like work. the harder its done the better it feels
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Gypsygirl
Junior Spanko
Username: Gypsygirl
Post Number: 147
Registered: 04-2006
| | Posted on Tuesday, April 25, 2006 - 05:30 pm: |
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That is very true. Every day could bring us up against a new situation in which we don't really know how our partners will react. Having a friend turn away because of a kink would be very hurtful but to have a partner do it would be horrendous. There must be many who can't bring themselves to do it but will condone it being sought elsewhere, which is a tremendous show of faith on their behalf. I can't help but think that one's self-confidence must take an awful knocking after something like that, after all, here is the person that YOU have chosen for your soul-mate and for them to take a negative attitude after you confess must be very hard to deal with. I had a similar experience, nothing to do with this subject, but I called myself all the names under the sun for being such an idiot for choosing such a swine and I completely lost my faith in people for a long time afterwards. It's a passing madness thankfully, luckily we then go on to find that there really are people out there that are deserving of our love. |
Themonkee
New member
Username: Themonkee
Post Number: 1
Registered: 03-2006
| | Posted on Thursday, May 11, 2006 - 11:21 pm: |
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I am blessed by the fact that my wife is very open minded about my fetishes, moreso even than I am sometimes. To the people who are closed minded and intolerant, I can only shake my head and wonder if they have any idea what they're missing.... When it comes to sex, there's kinky, and then there's boring. Which would you rather be? Kind of like going to a theme park and only riding the merry go round all day. THAT'S wierd. |
Bailey
New member
Username: Bailey
Post Number: 7
Registered: 04-2006
| | Posted on Friday, May 12, 2006 - 02:04 am: |
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I'm completely out. I'm not really interested in having people in my life who might judge me for this, so I'd rather know right away. Also, doing this for a living makes it harder to hide in some situations. Plus, because I do shoots, I am somewhat limited already career wise, I don't have to worry about hiding my preferances because when I become President it might cause a scandal LOL In general people have been very open. I have been rejected romantically for it a few times, but the way I look at it is that if I am not compatible in this area with someone it is better to know, and I no more judge someone elses interests as my own. Other than that, pretty much all of my friends have been accepting. I guess I just don't associate with people who would be judgemental in that way.
The big exception here is my parents. I would have prefered that they not find out, simply because with my sexuality I view it as private, and with the videos I think they simply don't *need* to know. However, they did find out, and had a very negative reaction. They view it as a manifestation of a mental illness. They think I must have low self esteem at the very least, and probably something far more serious on the other end. For me, simply cutting my family out of my life because they are not tolerant of my choices is not an option, but it is definately going to be a long process. I think the biggest difficulty for them is that they don't understand, and have a lot of images in their heads that are not accurate. The only way that is going to change is if they decide they are open to the resources I have to offer them. I can't *force* them to be educated. I guess the view I take is that if someone has a negative reaction, the best response is not to put it in his or her face, but also not to try to present yourself as something other than you are.
Bailey
"She makes love just like a woman ... but she breaks just like a little girl."
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Sarahsbrat
New member
Username: Sarahsbrat
Post Number: 18
Registered: 06-2006
| | Posted on Thursday, June 15, 2006 - 06:20 am: |
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Usually as soon as the word brat leaves my mouth, but funnily enough more with the US crowds than the Brit. Hmmmm?
Not just any naughty brat...Sarahsbrat
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Katie_spades
Advanced Spanko
Username: Katie_spades
Post Number: 545
Registered: 11-2005
| | Posted on Saturday, June 17, 2006 - 01:06 am: |
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Bailey,
That was quite an informative and well thought out response, not to mention an extremely mature point of view, given what you mentioned you have experienced! Wow, needless to say I am impressed and wish I could have such an open view. Congratulations - it's not easy to think that open-mindedly.
The Princess of Spanking
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Weasel
New member
Username: Weasel
Post Number: 41
Registered: 06-2006
| | Posted on Saturday, June 17, 2006 - 10:30 am: |
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Great thought provoking post Lazslo! Back in the 80's I involved myself in the adult entertainment industry via managing an adult store and a strip-joint. I met lots of people in all aspects of the industry at the CES in Las Vegas on business trips. I found that for the most part, the people who involved themselves in this industry were, as evidenced by Bailey's comments, gracious, eloquent, and a pleasure to spend time around.
You can't help but like what you like. If your mind is telling you what you like is really truly sick, and it's affecting how you live your life, then by all means you need professional help. If your mind is telling you it's ok to really HURT people without their permission, you need professional help. But if you derive pleasure from having a thing done upon your body, or from viewing a thing, or from reading about a thing, or from watching someone else do a thing who doesn't (or does!) know you're watching, or if you like inflicting unabashed pain upon someone else because they love having it done to them and they freely beg you to, you're OK!
I was young - I was in my mid-twenties when we ran the shop, and I still had all the sexual insecurities indemic to that age group. Much of what people did, at that time, caused me to go "ewww", but hey, I was in the position to run the show and it taught me a whole LOT about human nature. It helped me to grow into a more open-minded and understanding person. I had people of all sexual avenues test their very Selves on me, the causual clerk behind the desk at the only porn shop in Podunkopolis, Montezona. Many of my customers would look the other way if they saw me somewhere else out in public. Many wouldn't, and would gleefully engage when they saw me or my husband out and about.
Here's the deal. Here's why they either loved me or loathed me away from the shop. I knew what they really wanted. It was a powerful, but at the same time humbling feeling. I knew things about them the people nearest and dearest would gasp about. I would never dream of ratting anyone's kinks out to someone else. I knew everyone's dirty little secrets!
Even so, look at me, I'm 49 now, and just this year came out to the guy I was with back then about my desire to be spanked. Funny thing, back then, the fetish that both attracted me and horrified me for being attracted to it was the bondage. Couldn't have talked me into a spanking to save my soul.
I'd be careful about who I came out to. Jobs could be lost, people could walk out of your life. Not everyone feels the same level of comfort and/or acceptance when it comes to sex. It's what makes us all different. To some people this still lookes like subjegation and abuse and human slavery. We have fought so hard for "Freedom & Rights & Cessation of Abuse" in this country (USA) that the concept of "tie me up, beat me, and <insert> me" can be misconstrued as abusive.
Bottom Line (ooh I like the way that sounds): Like what you like, like it with others who like it, and as with religion & politics, don't preach it to others who don't want to hear about it or prescribe to the doctrines thereof.
Luckily we have here, someplace where everyone really wants to hear about it! I love the Spanking Den!
Some day you'll spank me... er thank me for this!
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Weasel
New member
Username: Weasel
Post Number: 42
Registered: 06-2006
| | Posted on Saturday, June 17, 2006 - 10:33 am: |
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edit: 4th line from bottom <favorite> is what should have been said
Some day you'll spank me... er thank me for this!
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Weasel
New member
Username: Weasel
Post Number: 43
Registered: 06-2006
| | Posted on Saturday, June 17, 2006 - 10:34 am: |
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duh ok... try something else I see I've stumbled upon a command...
(insert favorite kink here)
Some day you'll spank me... er thank me for this!
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Czechmate
New member
Username: Czechmate
Post Number: 9
Registered: 06-2006
| | Posted on Saturday, June 17, 2006 - 07:38 pm: |
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Never felt prejudice here in England about the spank thing. Never had more than a raised eyebrow.
Mind you intolerance and stupidity aren't that far away- anyone doubting this should google "Operation spanner" police, judicary and the juries needed a jolly good walloping for that particular daftness. |
Nexus
New member
Username: Nexus
Post Number: 21
Registered: 05-2006
| | Posted on Saturday, June 17, 2006 - 09:37 pm: |
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I don't reveal. I consider it a private matter and no one elses business. |
Bethie
Moderator/Spanking Aficionado
Username: Bethie
Post Number: 981
Registered: 04-2005
| | Posted on Saturday, June 17, 2006 - 10:59 pm: |
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Spanking is so closely tied with my sexuality that I don't think it's something to be discussed casually in real-life situations. I might joke about it with friends or in public, but that's just fun and only I know I'm serious unless I'm with like-minded people.
I consider spanking an act of intimacy and therefore wouldn't discuss it with just anyone. Right now, I have a few girlfriends I discuss the intimate details of my life with and the friends I have in this lifestyle, but I wouldn't discuss this with casual acquaintances. I figure that if I don't want to hear about their sex life, then I'm sure not going to tell them about mine.
I used to always tell my boyfriends once I thought things might be heating up. If I had no chemistry with a man though, I didn't bother. The ones who weren't interested were usually just embarrassed and didn't mention it again. I found out that was much better than the ones who acted interested for the wrong reasons.
There's a certain type of person who feigns interest because they think being kinky is the same thing as being easy or easily manipulated. If a woman says she's kinky, all they hear is "sex" and they don't care about the person any more, suddenly you've lost your worth as a person. I don't know why that is.
I had one guy say there was no way he'd do it, then turn around and ask me to do something I had absolutely no interest in. The strange thing about that situation was, he pushed and pushed for his kink but wouldn't even consider mine. Another guy held my spanking desires over my head and used it as a bargaining tool for whenever he wanted something, and sometimes he didn't come through. Needless to say, those guys didn't last long with me.
Over the years, I guess alot of my friends have been kinky because I've shared my interest in this kink with several. I don't go into all the details though unless they're spankos, too. It can become TMI really quickly, and not just for them. There are some things you should never know about some people. I figure they would feel the same way about me and my kinks.
There's another side to this discussion, too. I don't like anyone forcing their lifestyle on me, spanko or otherwise. My stand is, do what you want in the privacy of your own home but please don't bring it over to mine without giving me a chance to determine how I feel about it first. I've been in this lifestyle for a long time and I've seen some things I'd rather not participate in. Especially if they're reaching out to me for acceptance of something they're not sure of or that they know is dangerous. Sometimes no matter what you say in that situation, it's wrong. I've learned there's no point in trying to explain it to those folks, they'll never understand. It's easier for them to act outraged and get on their high horse. It's not intolerance or judgement on my part, it's just not something I personally want any part of, which is my choice as an individual. We all have that right, no matter what side of the fence you're on, especially when someone is trying to cram it down your throat or bring it into your personal life. I decided a long time ago to never feel bad about standing up for myself and taking care of what's mine. So you see, it can work both ways even for kinky people.
One thing that's never happened is that no one has ever made me feel bad about being a spanko. I am what I am. |
Denmarked
New member
Username: Denmarked
Post Number: 3
Registered: 06-2006
| | Posted on Sunday, June 18, 2006 - 06:52 am: |
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Although I have a couple of friends I share minor details with regarding our sex lives, I have so far not even hinted at spanking being a part of mine. It took me years with my husband to first realize I wanted it, and then years more to establish it with him. I wish I'd had this site to help. It would surprise me if I ever felt comfortable enough with it to let others know. It occurs to me as I write this, that there is something about it's secretness that brings my husband and I closer, like it's for us exclusivly. We have younger children, so we don't have a lot of just us, but spanking is.} |
Katie_spades
Advanced Spanko
Username: Katie_spades
Post Number: 564
Registered: 11-2005
| | Posted on Sunday, June 18, 2006 - 07:24 am: |
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well said Bethie - I dont talk with my friends about my sex life, nor do I talk about my spanking life. It's just something I just can't seem to bring myself to, nor thing I should. I would feel entirely too wierd broaching the topic.
And so agreed about the not wanting to be pushed. Everyone has their own thing that works for them and that is f-in fantastic but it is not for everyone. One should not judge someone else because they are not into what the other is and vice versa. At the same time, I do not like having other belifs shoved upon me, nor do I shove them on others. It just isn't right nor is it the moral thing to do. If we all can't try to be better people, then where the hell is this world going?
The Princess of Spanking
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Atomicpuppy
New member
Username: Atomicpuppy
Post Number: 30
Registered: 08-2006
| | Posted on Tuesday, August 08, 2006 - 12:33 pm: |
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I agree with Katie,but each to their own.Most people probably wouldn't discuss their sexual needs/desires.
People judge each other mostly because they don't understand.What they don't understand they fear so they are negative about whatever it is.
And this world is going down hill and fast 'cos people are finding more and more difficult to live with each other probably due to the stress of trying to survive let alone exist.
Laszlo as long as you are comfortable with yourself then it shouldn't matter what anyone else thinks |
Sarahsbrat
New member
Username: Sarahsbrat
Post Number: 42
Registered: 06-2006
| | Posted on Wednesday, August 09, 2006 - 10:21 am: |
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I don't hide the fact that we have a DD home from anyone. If someone thinks its kinky that's fine with me because they have their own kink to live with.
A friend won#t call you freak or weird though and strangers? who cares?
If we are in a public place and things get out of hand I get talked too or a swat and that's fine with me, it's just the way things are.
It's just to bad with all this talk of live and let live that more people don't pratice what they preach.
I join these lists to share with mostly like minded folks and in the process I find things out that I didn't know before. Sometimes good and sometimes not lol! But your kink, your fetish is yours and who am I to say you are wrong in how you want to live your life?
I can't comment on the sexual parts because I don't do sex. There are reasons why and I have a hard time relating to men in general, but for those of you who enjoy being spanked by husbands, boyfriends or whatever they are to you thats just great! Or vise versa of course.
Not just any naughty brat...Sarahsbrat
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Sissy9
New member
Username: Sissy9
Post Number: 27
Registered: 04-2006
| | Posted on Saturday, August 12, 2006 - 01:02 am: |
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I left my ex-husband,after tweleve years,because he called my internet friends,freaks,after coming out of the closet.I just left my family in L.A.,after three weeks, thanks to my sister,the whole family,got all the details,of my life style,to whom I trusted,yes,I'm still dealing with it,rufffffffff,so here I am again,with my group,spanking den,this last time was bad,and I have no problem with me or what I'am, |
Nicenick06
Spanko
Username: Nicenick06
Post Number: 135
Registered: 02-2006
| | Posted on Saturday, August 12, 2006 - 02:42 am: |
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A recent girlfriend was vanilla and I found sex really boring.
I tried to get her interested but she was too straight to experiment in any shape or form.
She found my ‘implements’ and was horrified.
She has since then called me strange, bizarre, freakish, disgusting and been really abusive.
Nick |
Vixen
New member
Username: Vixen
Post Number: 6
Registered: 08-2006
| | Posted on Saturday, August 12, 2006 - 06:18 am: |
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I have only one friend who actually knows what is what but I only get to see her a couple of times a year because she lives far away.
As for the rest of the world I am very careful but anyone who is around my husband and me when we are together on any kind of regular basis and who has any imagination at all could probably figure it out. Although they would never get any details from me and would probably think it was a game or a joking thing between us.
I would never tell most of them because I have caught attitude from some people just for things like calling and checking in with him, or checking with him before I make plans to do something or buy something. It is not even something I do because he says to or I'll get in trouble if I don't to me it is just a matter of love and respect for the other person, so I can just imagine the reactions to how we choose to live being ugly. That of course would put me in a position where my red hair would overtake whatever dye job I am using to hide it and things would get out of hand.
There are exceptions to every rule though, when I have more time I will have to tell you about a moment of braveness where I ended up addressing a small group of friends and co-workers, soap-box/college lecture style on the topic of spanking from the back of a pick-up truck. The man I am married to now was actually in that group. Looking back I still can't believe I did that.LOL It was a rare moment for sure! |
Poofette
Spanko
Username: Poofette
Post Number: 102
Registered: 10-2005
| | Posted on Sunday, August 13, 2006 - 12:18 am: |
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Nic,
Sorry to hear about that reaction you got from the vanilla woman. 
You aren't alone in adverse reactions though. I've had my share of stunned looks of horror and worse yet the guy that decides that he just found a nymphomaniac (who knows if that is spelled right!! <shrug>) that will do anything sexually. Some people just don't get it and never will.
Poofette |
Uh_oh
New member
Username: Uh_oh
Post Number: 32
Registered: 04-2006
| | Posted on Sunday, August 13, 2006 - 03:48 pm: |
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i just think it isnt anyone else's buisness...we live in a very narrow and close minded society, where this type of lifestyle is frowned upon. people would seclude, judge, and be cruel to someone because of their lifestyle. for example, look at homosexuals, society doesnt really cut them any slack and see them as real people. which is very unfortunate, but i suppose thats life and we have to learn to deal. hopefully one day we can all live in a society where we arent judged on our physical attributes or sexual preferences. one day... |
Tammynx
Moderator/Spanking Aficionado
Username: Tammynx
Post Number: 1028
Registered: 10-2005
| | Posted on Sunday, August 13, 2006 - 03:54 pm: |
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I don't advertise that I live this lifestyle. Your right Uh oh we do live in close minded society. I have a few friends that live this lifestyle that I see once in a while. But other then that I'm with you it isn't anyone's business. I'm sure glad I'm not dating and having to worry about this. But like I said before...I met my husband in a spanking chat room. |
Atomicpuppy
Junior Spanko
Username: Atomicpuppy
Post Number: 58
Registered: 08-2006
| | Posted on Thursday, August 17, 2006 - 04:52 am: |
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Hi Uh oh I think you might be dreaming and hoping.I really can't see this world getting any better let alone a society where we ALL can be ourselves.Maybe that is why we don't really share.It would be great not to hide anything,but then would people really be able to cope?
Personally I don't care what people think of or about me,I use to and it made me ill.So now if I can help I will.Helping someone else to feel better makes me feel better,but my Wife and I now come first,everybody else second.
That may sound a little selfish,but I think that today we have to be a certain amount. |
Ladygator2904
Spanko
Username: Ladygator2904
Post Number: 245
Registered: 03-2006
| | Posted on Friday, August 18, 2006 - 07:35 pm: |
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The only people who know of my spanking desires are my first husband, my second husband and possibly that nice hispanic maintenance man who smiled when he came to fix something in our new apartment (our paddles were hanging on the bedroom wall, opps) and (two bright colored fly swatters in the kitchen)lol... do you think he suspected anything when he asked my hubby ,"do you have a fly problem" rotfl
A woman`s heart may be filled with an ocean of secrets but mine have all been released and I have a sore bottom to prove it!
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Sissy9
New member
Username: Sissy9
Post Number: 33
Registered: 04-2006
| | Posted on Sunday, September 17, 2006 - 01:16 am: |
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i RECENTLY,VISITED MY FAMILY,MY OWN SISTER TURNED ME IN AS A FREAK,AFTER CONFIDING TO HER AS A SPANKO,( SHE WHO IS GAY,HAS BEEN,PROSTITUTE,AND SO ON),IT CAN GET REALLY BAD ALL IN THE NAME OF JEALIOUSY,? pEOPLE ARE PEOPLE ARE PEOPLE,"cast the first stone",.....Be very careful,!!! |
Fanny
Moderator/Spanking Aficionado
Username: Fanny
Post Number: 2710
Registered: 05-2005
| | Posted on Sunday, September 17, 2006 - 01:45 am: |
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It's a shame but most people only seem to accept the things that they are into, and can't understand any other lifestyles. That is why I only talk about my lifestyle here, where I know it is safe.
Queen of Innocence
"Well behaved woman rarely make history"
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Zippo
Supreme Spanko
Username: Zippo
Post Number: 1660
Registered: 09-2005
| | Posted on Monday, September 18, 2006 - 01:08 pm: |
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To me though, spankos seem to be among the most tolerant of other fetishes as well. I personally dont care what someone else is into, if it works for them, who am I to judge it. But take heart fellow spankos it is creeping its way into mainstream society, and isnt quite as taboo as it used to be, who knows maybe in a few years they will start having an annual spankos day parade,,,,okay maybe not
The Brat Tamer...changing brats attitudes one smack at a time
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Ma_vie_en_rose
Spanko
Username: Ma_vie_en_rose
Post Number: 227
Registered: 01-2006
| | Posted on Monday, September 18, 2006 - 07:06 pm: |
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They do generally have leather groups at pride parades. There's even a leather pride flag. It's really kind of cute. |
Sissy9
New member
Username: Sissy9
Post Number: 43
Registered: 04-2006
| | Posted on Sunday, January 07, 2007 - 10:05 pm: |
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I have made that mistake so many times now.My sister said, "I was all messed up",and my x husband said, "my on line chat friends were all perverts",and ment it,I left,it was the same as calling me the same names,I'am very carefull,now. |
Pixiekitten
New member
Username: Pixiekitten
Post Number: 1
Registered: 02-2007
| | Posted on Tuesday, February 13, 2007 - 01:56 pm: |
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Hello everyone. I am new here and a bit shy about posting but found this thread interesting. I hope I'm not over stepping any boundaries by posting.
I just wanted to say that we too try ad keep our lifestyle under wraps. Primarily because we have children. At times it's hard because my husband's hand has a magnetic pull towards my bottom and he's always smacking it. ;)While most family & friends don't know, I'm sure they wouldn't be shocked.
In the past (before I realized how poor people's reactions can be) I have given "hints" to close friends and I am always amazed at how tight laced some people are. Some of my female friends have practically told me to leave my husband because "spanking is abusive" and then turned on me and started lecturing me about feminism and women's rights. People fear what they don't know methinks.
The bottom line is (no pun intended) that every one has the right to love and everyone loves a bit differently.
"Naughty Pixies Always Get Caught."
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Rusty
New member
Username: Rusty
Post Number: 31
Registered: 01-2007
| | Posted on Wednesday, February 14, 2007 - 12:01 am: |
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Yes Pixie, people do fear what they don't know. Some people are conditioned by society so when you mention it they do become "tight laced" and go into auto mode of lecturing. Bet when they get home and stop to think about it might be a whole new story. |
Bratattitude
New member
Username: Bratattitude
Post Number: 25
Registered: 10-2005
| | Posted on Wednesday, February 14, 2007 - 05:47 am: |
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The friends that are close to me know. They accept it as a part of me and though a few do not undersatnd it they have not seemed to judge me for it. I am greatful for that. My very best friend thought I was werid for it at first but now it's like she totally understands its just a part of me and what I need to function in life. I have a lot of high stress situations @ work and sometimes at home so when I am able to let loose and get into subspace...that is the biggest stress relief for me ever.
I have never thought of telling my family because I consider it a part of my sex life and well - thats my own private business.
I did have a weird experience about 8 years ago. I outed myself to a client without meaning to! I was working for a dating service and I was the head of member relations. I was also young and had begun playing with a local gruop. Going to munches, doing the play party thing... and one night at a party I am in the middle of a scene with this guy...nothing but a see through night covering my top half cuffed to a St. Andrews cross when I look over my shoulder to see one of my dating service members in the door way watching me! |
Rusty
New member
Username: Rusty
Post Number: 32
Registered: 01-2007
| | Posted on Wednesday, February 14, 2007 - 05:52 am: |
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oh oooh! A tade uncomfortable, B? |
Bratattitude
New member
Username: Bratattitude
Post Number: 27
Registered: 10-2005
| | Posted on Wednesday, February 14, 2007 - 05:56 am: |
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Who me Rusty? It was -- just a bit LOL....
Poor guy I think it freaked him out more than me. At least I knew what he meant by wanting an old fashioned woman who liked for the man to "be a man and run the house" Oh I understood reaaaal well what he wanted after that!
HA HA HA |
Rusty
New member
Username: Rusty
Post Number: 33
Registered: 01-2007
| | Posted on Wednesday, February 14, 2007 - 06:04 am: |
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yes you ha ha! Actually dont know people even mention it. its all quite personal, This is a good forum to express yourself. |
Bratattitude
New member
Username: Bratattitude
Post Number: 28
Registered: 10-2005
| | Posted on Wednesday, February 14, 2007 - 06:07 am: |
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I agree with you Rusty - it's a very good place to be able to talk like this. PLus it makes it easier fro newbies to figur out how to cope with our passion... ya know? I wish I had had things like this when I was first exploring this. |
Rusty
New member
Username: Rusty
Post Number: 34
Registered: 01-2007
| | Posted on Wednesday, February 14, 2007 - 06:15 am: |
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Yes we could have been enjoying it a lot earlier,for me anyway, if we had this forum. It takes away that feeling of "am I odd". |
Bratattitude
New member
Username: Bratattitude
Post Number: 29
Registered: 10-2005
| | Posted on Wednesday, February 14, 2007 - 06:18 am: |
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Yes, it does!!! And I knwo fro me, I am in a domestic Discipline relationship and for once I don;t feel odd about it. I have a place to go and read and see if others have my thoughts/problems/questions etc. etc.... It's nice |
Rusty
New member
Username: Rusty
Post Number: 35
Registered: 01-2007
| | Posted on Wednesday, February 14, 2007 - 06:24 am: |
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yes certainly reassuring. |
Cheekychipmunk
Spanko
Username: Cheekychipmunk
Post Number: 202
Registered: 05-2006
| | Posted on Thursday, February 15, 2007 - 10:36 pm: |
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I love reading and posting on the den and have met several people since I joined.
The problem in my household is I have in-laws that live with us and come visit us. We are a close knit family. With so many (up to 7 people each night in our home)I have to be careful. I dont want anyone looking over my shoulder or seeing the title of the webpage I am viewing.
My computer is in a main room of the house and anytime someone comes by I have to minimize the page. LOL
I guess I don't have to, but I don't want to have to try to explain, what I like.
I have a feeling some others in my family are into spanking but there is no way I would come out and ask them. LOL
I like my privacy so I try not to intrude on others.
"Success in almost any field depends more on energy and drive than it does on intelligence."
Sloan Wilson
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Bratattitude
New member
Username: Bratattitude
Post Number: 35
Registered: 10-2005
| | Posted on Friday, February 16, 2007 - 02:22 am: |
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OMG Chipmunk! I have been there! I am the baby of six and until I married I lived with 2 o my siblings....and befoer that I lived with my mom and dad till dad passed away. It is nto the easiest thing to be open about. When I first married my inlaws lived with us -- it's very hard to have a D/S relationship when youa re worried about people overhearing it!
I like it much better now that the only person I don't have to worry abotu waking is the kiddo! |
Zin
New member
Username: Zin
Post Number: 8
Registered: 03-2007
| | Posted on Sunday, March 11, 2007 - 07:27 am: |
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I'm sort of a strange case. I'm very inexperienced in general, and not just with this spanking thing of mine. I'm 24 years old, recently graduated college, will be married in a year, and only recently lost my virginity (recently as in this week). For me, it wasn't just a matter of being embarrassed to discuss my desire to be spanked. I was, and for the most part still am, too shy to talk about any of it. I get a little flutter in my stomach just typing this stuff.
I can say that, before I realized that I liked spanking and such, that it seemed strange to me. It wasn't that I judged others, but I really didn't understand it. Actually, it should have been a clue to me that hearing mention of it made me so nervous, because I was initially frightened by anything that aroused me. I was even offended once when someone bluntly asked me whether I liked being spanked. However, that was simply because it came from an extremely chauvenistic man that I had barely met. Plus he was one of the lawyers at the firm I work at, which didn't help matters. I just need a certain level of trust before I'll mention it.
That being said, however, the "intolerance" in my case didn't come from partners. Really, it had little chance to as I could count the number of partners I've had on one hand. In my case, it's the people around me. My sisters are my best friends, and normally I would confide in them about things that made me nervous or scared or unsure, but in this case, I've only met derision. It's very hard for me to not have that outlet. It almost feels as though they're disgusted by it... by me. At least potential partners can be dropped and forgotten.
my fiance, on the other hand, was a little wierded out at first, but was willing to try it for my sake. now, not only does he like being the spanker, he likes to switch roles now and again, which I don't mind either. We're both still experimenting, and it's been a fun ride thus far. |
Pemberton926
New member
Username: Pemberton926
Post Number: 2
Registered: 06-2007
| | Posted on Tuesday, June 12, 2007 - 01:14 pm: |
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I really hate the definition of intolance And all aspects of the word this is why about 33% of the time I get Spanked for it. my wife is intolerant of my behavior as of late it not the spankings that I hate it's the wording that she uses to spank me with. |
Glory
New member
Username: Glory
Post Number: 4
Registered: 04-2007
| | Posted on Tuesday, June 12, 2007 - 05:45 pm: |
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I have found that when people learn of my "kink" they are surprised. Maybe I don't fit the "mold". I have a feeling not many of us here do. Most people are curious. The few people I have taken the time to explain the feelings and the sensations to in regards to a spanking end up being generally interested. Though they might not admit it. I have found that the people who are "intolerant" are generally the ones that are most interested, but afraid to admit it! |
Midnytedreams
New member
Username: Midnytedreams
Post Number: 34
Registered: 05-2007
| | Posted on Wednesday, June 13, 2007 - 12:17 pm: |
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I have never told others about me and my little ones lifestyle , but she has to many of her women co-workers, one asked how she found me and she said 1-800-Doms. I can tell just by the looks from her friends which ones she told, she has even asked me to send my stories to them, you may not believe this but they are all true, I dont write fiction , I would rather live it. |
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