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Ftopinmichigan
Spanko
Username: Ftopinmichigan
Post Number: 457
Registered: 09-2005
| | Posted on Friday, February 17, 2006 - 06:40 am: | 
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A comment in another thread made me think about how long distance relationships can really work, or can they?
I've read about several people here having relationships with someone so very far away that they either don't get to meet at all, or only for brief periods of time, a few times a year.
What I'm curious about, since the prevailing interest in spanking seems to be discipline and punishment related...is how can a relationship work when the primary physical time together is spent on discipline/punishment time? (I'm basing this on my own experiences with doling out punishments, in that it was totally draining, and in no way fun, or stimulating to me. I would be spent for days, both mentally and physically, after one session, let alone a full weekend, or week with an incoming spankee.)
Is the relationship a loving and caring, traditional share-everything (somehow) type of relationship, or is it only based upon the interest in spanking?
How can this type of relationship be fulfilling, or is it the short bursts of getting together the alternative to having it all the time in your life?
K <-Trying to understand |
Sinderella
New member
Username: Sinderella
Post Number: 21
Registered: 01-2006
| | Posted on Friday, February 17, 2006 - 07:48 am: |
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Well, I certainly can't speak for all online relationships, but can share our experience with you all.
Mike and I met online, in a spanking chat room on February 11, 2002. We clicked instantly, and I know that sounds so cliché, but we really did! LOL
I had been discussing openly in the room about my running late for work, to which he commented (as a good spanker would) oh something about it being unacceptable, but not in those words exactly. In fact I don't recall the exact word for word conversation, but you get the gist. We did talk for a few minutes while I finished getting myself ready, and I asked him if he was going to meet me the following morning in chat to be sure that I wasn't late for work, and much to my surprise, there he was, at 5:30 a.m. 
We talked daily from there, via the phone, chat, emails. Until we finally decided to meet, in May of the same year. I flew out to Columbus for a week, and we both knew from there that it was "meant to be", ugh... there go the clichés again LOL.
Needless to say we had a wonderful week together, and leaving was painful. To make a long story short, I moved to Columbus that July, and we've been together, and quite happily I might add, ever since.
As far as discipline and spanking were involved while we were apart, the issues never really came up, as I am not necessarily one who gets into trouble very often (yes I'm being serious, I'm sure some of you are thinking  LOL) and we really weren't into the phone spanking thing. Personally I'm not really even into cyber-play. So it's really hard for me to comment about that, or how a couple approaches the situation. I guess it really depends on the individuals involved.
Speaking from some experience, I will say that it is absolutely possible for an online relationship to evolve to a real time relationship. Of course it depends again on the individuals involved, and if the circumstances are right.
Okay, I'm done rambling now... 
Good luck with everything Ftopinmichigan, I wish you and yours the best! |
Smartnnaughty
Spanko
Username: Smartnnaughty
Post Number: 338
Registered: 05-2005
| | Posted on Friday, February 17, 2006 - 08:39 am: |
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Ftop, I have wondered this too. I know the challenges of living 2 hours away and not being spanked regularly so I can only imagine if we saw each other only a few times a year.
Fortunately with cell phones, instant messenger, email, voicemail, etc. staying connected is easy. Still I miss the physical presence where I can be held and cuddled. We have tried a few non-spanking disciplines but without regular spankings, they don't have the same flavor.
Just my thoughts.
SNN
I try to take one day at a time -- but sometimes several days attack me at once.
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Ftopinmichigan
Spanko
Username: Ftopinmichigan
Post Number: 460
Registered: 09-2005
| | Posted on Friday, February 17, 2006 - 09:10 am: |
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Actually, I'm having difficult understanding how the little bit of time spent together, when finally getting together, is spent in discipline sessions, and punishing for previous misdeeds. Doesn't that set the tone for an unpleasant get together...all the time. Instead of excitement and happiness, there's fear and dread?
And I'm going on the majority here speaking about spanking in a discipline mode. I do realize some of us enjoy it for the pure pleasure of it, and that's a different dynamic. As that's not my interest, to punish, I'm trying to get the mind set to understand other's motives.
How can a relationship work, when the time spent together is "centered" around correction/punishments?
K |
Tmichellebrat
Junior Spanko
Username: Tmichellebrat
Post Number: 113
Registered: 10-2005
| | Posted on Friday, February 17, 2006 - 10:46 am: |
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Ftop- I will try to answer your question through my own personal experience. I met "B" online seven years ago ....September 1999...at first it was merely a "online friendship" to us both for the first five years ...we talked online everyday and we just enjoyed our chats. At the time I was in a relationship ...a bad one but none the less a relationship and I had no intentions of "cheating" or leaving my current situation so the thought of ever having a relationship with "B" never crossed my mind ....and it never crossed his because he felt that our 26 year age difference was a good enough reason...he just figured he was way to old for me to ever want anything with him as far as a relationship goes. Then there was the distance...him in Ohio and me in Texas ...1109 miles apart as well. To make a long story short ....I started getting "feelings" for him but I never told him because I am the shy type and because of my current situation at that time ...I just didn't think he would be interested therefore I left it alone. I dealt with my current relationship eventually leading to a seperation and in the meantime "B" and I still were online friends and we talked everyday. We just clicked right away ...and that does sound odd but we did. Finally one day he asked me if I would ever consider being with him? It shocked me but my answer was an instant yes....I fell in love with him online and that does sound impossible ...I even didn't believe that you could actually fall in love with someone online without meeting them but when it happened to me I was like .
We finally met for the first time in March 2005...after 6 years of chatting and talking on the phone for six months previous and it was like I had known him all of my life ...our first meeting was the most awesome experience I have ever had in my entire life ...we instantly clicked just like we did online...it was a great experience! Right now due to current circumstances on my end and his end we only get to see each other every three to four months ...and that part is the hardest for us both but we both feel that we love each other enough to where that alone will get us through. As far as your question about ....How can a relationship work, when the time spent togather is "centered" around correction/punishments? Well when we see each other our whole visit is not centered on him "punishing" me for misdeeds done....there is a day or two out of the visit where he does spank me for any misdeeds that I have written down in a punishment book that he requires me to do but the rest of the visit is like any normal couple who are in love with each other. And of course since D/s is part of our relationship ...in fact a big part of it we do practice it when we see each other but I don't feel it's the center of the whole relationship either. When he comes to Texas we do other things besides spanking or D/s! And our relationship is working and it has been for the past several years....I just feel it's a matter of what each indiviual couple want....whatever works for one couple does not nessecairly mean it will work for every couple. But that is just my two cents on it for what it's worth LOL! |
Wolfie
Moderator/Spanking Aficionado
Username: Wolfie
Post Number: 1346
Registered: 04-2005
| | Posted on Friday, February 17, 2006 - 04:06 pm: |
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I suppose if your relationship revolved around discipline, or you were the kind of sub/bottom who was always doing things to get in trouble...yes, the visit would be one of dread. I dont personally understand how anyone could be in that kind of relationship, but to each his/her own.
Steve and I do use discipline in our relationship, but its actually only a small part of the whole. I keep a book between visits as a reminder to myself of how much trouble Im getting into, and that there will be a reckoning. But Im really a very sensible, low key person and dont normally do anything deserving of serious punishment. So its a few swats for this, and a couple for that...and although the message comes thru loud and clear, that kind of discipline doesnt fill me with dread.
If I have a true punishment coming, it's still not something I dwell on. This is partly because the punishment is a very small part of our time together, and partly because I know that its never as horrible in real life as what I'm imagining in my mind. Dont get me wrong...I do everything I can to keep from having to be punished. But Steve has never had to give me more than 6 swats with "Sting", and because the punishment works, we are actually closer afterwards instead of stressed out by it.
Believe me, the difficult part for me of a l/d relationship is not the discipline...it's being seperated from the man I love for so long. 
If you live to be a hundred, I want to live to be a hundred minus one day, so I never have to live without you.
Grow old with me, the best is yet to be.
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Zippo
Advanced Spanko
Username: Zippo
Post Number: 1601
Registered: 09-2005
| | Posted on Sunday, February 19, 2006 - 11:14 am: |
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K, interesting topic. I too am now seperated from my S/O by over 1000 miles and this has entered my mind as well. I would like to think that discipline is part of our relationship but is not the central focus of it. I do keep track of retibutions due, but it is not to the point when I see her, to hug and kiss her then immediately bring her over my knee. Though I might try that at some point, just for shock value.  The D/s part of our relationship I believe enhances our feelings of trust, love, and intimacy. Even though the discipline itself can be unpleasent, the feelings of closeness afterwards overwhelms any feelings of fear or dread and we still look forward with great anticipation to our time together.
The Brat Tamer...changing brats attitudes one smack at a time
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Ma_vie_en_rose
Junior Spanko
Username: Ma_vie_en_rose
Post Number: 59
Registered: 01-2006
| | Posted on Sunday, February 19, 2006 - 11:23 am: |
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I think Zippo's summed up the D/s angle of things, but
quote:the difficult part for me of a l/d relationship is not the discipline...it's being seperated from the man I love for so long.
is the real issue ^_^; |
Wolfie
Moderator/Spanking Aficionado
Username: Wolfie
Post Number: 1354
Registered: 04-2005
| | Posted on Sunday, February 19, 2006 - 11:58 am: |
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Hehehehehe Zippo, that's happened to me. We meet at the door, hug and kiss, then before I know it he's got me next to the bed, tug over his lap and I'm sure you can hear my shriek several doors down the hall!
"No", "What?", "Wait!" *nervous giggle* Go ahead and try it, she will be shocked and pleased that you caught her off guard. 
If you live to be a hundred, I want to live to be a hundred minus one day, so I never have to live without you.
Grow old with me, the best is yet to be.
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Katie_spades
Spanko
Username: Katie_spades
Post Number: 426
Registered: 11-2005
| | Posted on Wednesday, February 22, 2006 - 08:36 pm: |
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I've had one before - he was about an hour and a half away - not too too long distance but long enough when you both work during the week and can only see each other on the weekends and talk every evening; it worked for awhile until he did something to really piss me off. My advice is if you want it to work, try and see where fate takes you.
I'm sorry, but not as sorry as I'm gonna be.
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