Post Number: 346
|Posted on Friday, January 13, 2006 - 12:00 pm: ||
The following is a draft of "suggested" guidelines when meeting with someone. These Safecall Guidelines were drafted by members of the metro Detroit area Dom Guild a few years ago. There's some very good ideas here to consider when meeting others while keeping your safety and well being at the forefront.
It's always good to enjoy yourself, but be safe!
Play safe. Be safe!
Does anybody really know where you are playing
and with whom you are playing?
Are you planning to play with someone new, or someone that you do not know extremely well? Meeting a new play partner that you do not know very well can have many risks, and the “special nature” of alternative lifestyle play can significantly increase those risks. Not everyone that you might meet online or in casual social settings is as safe to play with as they may initially appear. That is one reason someone else should always know where you are playing and with whom.
The kink world, like other segments of society, has reported… and unreported episodes in which a play partner receives more than bargained and ends up injured, deceased, or simply disappears off the face of the earth. Such instances don't often occur, but who wants to become “that exception”? That is why a pre-planned personal safe call protocol should be a routine safe dating habit.
What is a reliable safe call?
A safe call is a prearranged telephone lifeline contact with a trusted person or “base buddy” who knows whom you are meeting, where you will be, for how long, and is prepared to promptly notify authorities if you fail to return on time or call according to a prearranged itinerary.
Safe call protocols should be prearranged regardless of your play role… for tops, bottoms, DOMs, subs, and even smart vanilla folks. Just as wise airplane pilots file a flight plan that indicates their planned travel route, estimated arrival times, passengers (or souls on board), likely alternate airports and aircraft color description, you should also make sure that a trusted “safe call base buddy” knows about your dating or travel plans.
IF you do not properly check-in with your safe call buddy, or do not report in on time, or otherwise activate your personal distress signal, your buddy must then promptly investigate and/or notify authorities. Your safe call buddy should be able to tell the police where you are and that you may be in personal danger based upon your established safety plans. A safe call may be your only available life preserver.
Some kink groups operate safe call networks as a service within their local communities. One example is Canada’s Ontario Safe Call Network:
Prepare your Safe Call Buddy
before your date
In a real emergency, 911 dispatchers don't have time to play “Colombo”. Your safe call buddy should be prepared to immediately provide authorities with key information to help find you:
1) About you
a) Your name, address, telephone, & date of birth (include alias & cell phone)
b) Your physical description & birth marks
c) Your automobile description & license plate
2) About your partner or companion
a) Your companion’s name, address, telephone
b) Your companion’s physical description
c) Your companion’s automobile description & plate info
3) Your itinerary and way points
a) Travel route
b) Departure & estimate times of arrival
c) Alternate meeting locations (hotel)
4) Any other helpful information
a) Include a secret code word or a question that when correctly answered, confirms that you are making your call of your own free will. Or a prearranged trigger word that indicates that you are in distress.
b) Name & contact info of someone that knows your companion
c) Your credit card basics (name of issuer & billing address can help police)
If a new partner is unwilling to divulge basic information, or is unusually vague, you may want to reconsider your willingness to meet. If the person that you are meeting suggests that your safe call protocol is not needed when you meet them, that should be considered as a “red flag” because that individual does not appear to respect your safety.
The biggest problem with safe calls is obtaining complete information & executing appropriate follow though… making sure that both parties act promptly according to their prior agreement. Both parties must take their safety responsibilities seriously! An undependable safe call buddy is like a condom with a hole in it; your life may be at risk with that person.
Stick to your planned safe call procedure to avoid false alarms. Don’t leave your base buddy dangling in suspense. Call when you are expected, and again upon your safe return home to terminate the procedure. Remember, a reliable safe call partnership may be your only lifeline connection with the real world! Act responsibly! Play safe! Be Safe!
Revised for DomGuild post ©06/16/03 CQ & Greywolfe
Post Number: 588
|Posted on Friday, January 13, 2006 - 12:20 pm: ||
Great and wonderful information K!! I also suggest for the first face to face meeting, meet in a public place with plenty of other people around. Several times, I have gone to a pub with someone on a first meeting...sat at a different table and watched as they met and talked. Then before she would leave...IF she wanted to follow through...she would let me know where she was going and I would follow to make sure that it was indeed the correct place. A pre-arranged phone call was also arranged.
You can't be too safe.
Take my heart and soul. But please don't step on it, it breaks easily.
Post Number: 619
|Posted on Friday, January 13, 2006 - 02:48 pm: ||
Thank you, K, for posting this!
I know it's easy to think your relationship is different and you really know the person you've been chatting with, but how well do we really know anyone, especially in cyberspace? Please be careful and always set up a safe call, and if you have someone who can go with you like Shylah suggested, that's added security. Always set up a safe call no matter what else you do.
Anyone who tries to make you feel bad or guilty for arranging any of these safety suggestions does not have your best interests at heart.
Post Number: 194
|Posted on Friday, January 13, 2006 - 05:19 pm: ||
Even though I am engaged and don't play randomly, prior to him, I could have seen myself doing that, and I really appreciate you list this information as the importance is paramount. Thank you again!
I'm sorry, but not as sorry as I'm gonna be.