| Author |
Message |
    
Bethie
Moderator/Spanking Aficionado
Username: Bethie
Post Number: 583
Registered: 04-2005
| | Posted on Friday, January 06, 2006 - 06:10 pm: | 
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As this site has grown, I've become aware that there are quite a few people out there looking for a spanking partner. I also am aware that some of us aren't looking for anyone and don't appreciate the unsolicited pm's that come our way. I've been trying to come up with a solution that might solve both of these problems, or at least help a little.
What do you all think of adding a new section to the Den that would only be viewable by registered members and would allow members who are searching for a partner to submit posts about their interests so they can be contacted by other members?
I've been a little cautious about getting into this sort of thing because I never planned to set up a matchmaking service, but it's happening anyway so maybe I should find a way to do it that would keep it in one area. It seems that most of the members who get solicited are those who post often but are also not interested in meeting anyone.
This would give the members who don't post but are interested in meeting someone, a place to share something about themselves in a private area and increase the chances that they'll find someone suitable. I'd be very clear about the rules and enforce them. Professionals would not be allowed and anyone who is found to have lied in their descriptions of themselves (such as marital status) would have their accounts cancelled and ip's banned.
If anyone has any comments or suggestions, please speak up now. I'm not committed to this plan and have just started the basic strategies of how to make it work, so any feedback will be very welcome.
Thank you! |
Ftopinmichigan
Spanko
Username: Ftopinmichigan
Post Number: 316
Registered: 09-2005
| | Posted on Friday, January 06, 2006 - 11:26 pm: |
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Bethie, I somewhat torn with idea, as your site has been functioning just fine without such a section now. The manner in which you manage the Den (along with the Moderators) is very good, and sometimes you don't want to mess up a good thing. On the other hand, I think it would probably be a good idea for a "members only" connection section. Many folks seek partners, but then there are many existing sites for that too.
To be honest, I don't usually mind unsolicited contacts via e-mail, except that the majority of them are usually crude, lewd offers of casual sex, or one time spanking encounters with complete strangers. Most of the time, the manner of approach is more in question, than just the idea of meeting someone for spanking fun.
I've found while many people are partnered or within a relationship, the majority of people still seem to also be interested in either friendship, spanking only, or long term relationships with other spankos.
I think while there are currently many sites Online for "spanking personals," perhaps it's the feeling of this site that allows folks to get to know one another a little better, and offers comfort in contact.
A connection section might work well for some, as long as they read what the member is interested in and reply accordingly. No site is full proof, but the connection section might offer some wonderful possibilities for unattached members, as long as the posting members are honest and respectful of the sites rules.
I ran a BDSM oriented singles group a while back and the best part of doing so, was that we actually made some wonderful connections...but then that was the goal of the group.
I wonder if that connection section here might not draw more members out to post in the general sections too.
K |
Ziggy
Advanced Spanko
Username: Ziggy
Post Number: 1987
Registered: 08-2005
| | Posted on Saturday, January 07, 2006 - 05:08 am: |
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I am with K, I came to this site because it didn't have a section like the one you are thinking of. this site runs very smoothly as it is, I love the spanking den, but it is up to bethie
when caught run faster then him !!
I am a TA junkie !!
hubbie will be home in three weeks, on my birthday,..........WEG
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Wolfie
Moderator/Spanking Aficionado
Username: Wolfie
Post Number: 972
Registered: 04-2005
| | Posted on Saturday, January 07, 2006 - 11:43 am: |
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I like the idea, even though Im not looking for a partner. I think it offers a lot to members who want to meet someone, but dont feel safe just answering an e-mail.
And perhaps it will also allow us to feel comfortable enough with each other that we can have some get togethers like Ive been to with folks from another site.
No one needs to sign up for this new section if their not interested, so the Den shouldnt change any...except to bring in new members. 
If you live to be a hundred, I want to live to be a hundred minus one day, so I never have to live without you.
Grow old with me, the best is yet to be.
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Beachley
Spanko
Username: Beachley
Post Number: 238
Registered: 04-2005
| | Posted on Saturday, January 07, 2006 - 12:49 pm: |
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Bethie I don't see that it would do any harm at all.
If it is contained in it own area like we have the separate area here like discussion, play. everyday etc. Then if someone does not want to interact in that area they just don't need to go to that area but they still have all the other areas to participate in.
The Spice of Life is having my OWN WAY!! A spanking would be nice.
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Shylah
Spanko
Username: Shylah
Post Number: 577
Registered: 10-2005
| | Posted on Saturday, January 07, 2006 - 02:15 pm: |
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Might I suggest that the section contain sites that have personals that they can go to instead of trying to find someone here. Give them links to those sites so that this one can continue to function as it is now without the "dating service".
Take my heart and soul. But please don't step on it, it breaks easily.
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Wolfie
Moderator/Spanking Aficionado
Username: Wolfie
Post Number: 974
Registered: 04-2005
| | Posted on Saturday, January 07, 2006 - 02:20 pm: |
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I think you need to explain a little more how this section will work Bethie, so they can see that it wont impact the original site. 
If you live to be a hundred, I want to live to be a hundred minus one day, so I never have to live without you.
Grow old with me, the best is yet to be.
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Ftopinmichigan
Spanko
Username: Ftopinmichigan
Post Number: 318
Registered: 09-2005
| | Posted on Saturday, January 07, 2006 - 03:40 pm: |
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After some more thought, and from reading the responses so far, I siding more with this being a good idea. The unsolicited e-mails (which I get quite often from this and other sites) will be curtailed if there's a specific area to advertise for a partner. The one problem with it, is if this section would cause hardship on the Moderators, in having to review postings more.
K |
Bethie
Moderator/Spanking Aficionado
Username: Bethie
Post Number: 587
Registered: 04-2005
| | Posted on Saturday, January 07, 2006 - 04:05 pm: |
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The way I'd set it up, it would be a separate area of the board that could only be read and accessed by registered members, not public like the rest of the Den. You'd have to be logged in to read the posts there. It'd still be a part of the Den but separate to maintain the participating members privacy. You wouldn't go into that area unless you wanted to. At the same time, the members who would like to use that service will still have use of the other areas of the Den that they enjoy.
For example, there are alot of members who never go into the cyber-play area because it's not what they're here for and they don't even have any interest in reading the threads there. It's not part of their interest in this site. This would be the same type of thing. If you aren't interested, don't go into that area.
Also, that type of interaction might then be confined to that area. I can't tell you how many intro posts I've had to delete lately because they read like a personals ad and not an intro to the group. There have also been quite a few reports of unsolicited pm's lately.
On a side note: For those of you who don't realize this, I'm "Admin" and "Bethie" so quit asking "Admin" for a spanking right after PMing "Bethie" to ask if she wants a spanking. Sorry, I've been dying to say that for awhile now.
Back to the subject!
Today, I've already received quite a few emails from people who are members who say they're very interested in this type of area. They don't feel comfortable posting in the public areas or feel they don't have much to contribute because they lack experience since they've never experienced any type of spanking. Some of them, because they're inexperienced, too shy, or have no idea how to go about meeting another spanko, don't know how to proceed with their desires. They would be that area's target group.
I'd include an advice area where those of us with some experience could post advice for how to go about meeting someone and staying safe in the process.
The new area would be for people looking for spanking relationships and not for people who only want to advertise their services. That's a major concern for me. I know there are people out there who present themselves as professionals who aren't really. They're just out to get what they can from the needy. Those people wouldn't be welcome there.
I've had links up for Alt.com and Friendfinder.com and hardly anyone clicked through to those sites. As for the other personals sites, I don't know enough about any of them to promote them.
I've been told that some spankos don't feel like the established personals sites cater to their needs or desires. At least here they have the protection that sending messages through our pm system can give them. They don't have to give out their private emails until they're ready.
It's also possible for me to password protect that area so only those with the correct password can post there.
But like I said, I'm not committed to this plan although I'm considering it, which is why I'd like comments and suggestions now before I even begin to set it up.
Thanks for all your thoughts, everyone, and keep 'em coming. I appreciate it! |
Wolfie
Moderator/Spanking Aficionado
Username: Wolfie
Post Number: 975
Registered: 04-2005
| | Posted on Saturday, January 07, 2006 - 04:33 pm: |
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Oh Bethie, they think your actually two different people? Too funny! 
K, Bethie asked me if I minded taking on the extra work of helping to patrol the new section...and I was more than happy to say no. I know how hard it can be to find that person your looking for, whether for spanking or a long term relationship. Bethie found Dan and I found Steve through a spanking website, and anything I can do to help others is worth the effort in my opinion.
If you live to be a hundred, I want to live to be a hundred minus one day, so I never have to live without you.
Grow old with me, the best is yet to be.
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Shylah
Spanko
Username: Shylah
Post Number: 581
Registered: 10-2005
| | Posted on Saturday, January 07, 2006 - 04:36 pm: |
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Wolfie...I found my sweetie in a spanking chat and despite the fact that he is sometimes a typical irritating male...I love him with all my heart. And I'm always glad to help others when I can. Not to just meet up with some, but to keep some from making fatal mistakes in the quest.
Take my heart and soul. But please don't step on it, it breaks easily.
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Ftopinmichigan
Spanko
Username: Ftopinmichigan
Post Number: 319
Registered: 09-2005
| | Posted on Sunday, January 08, 2006 - 05:07 am: |
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To Wolfie and Bethie...I appreciate all you do...and all you might do.  I ran my singles group for while without much help, in spite of many offering to give a hand. It sometimes does take a lot of work, and a lot of aspirins to get the job done, on a site like this one. Great job!
The "advice" section is a wonderful idea! I think if some people actually listened, or read postings more often, they wouldn't make such obnoxious unsolicited e-mail contacts. (Although, I'd like to note that I've also received some very nice "unsolicited" e-mails, so it's not ALL bad.)
Bethie, I think your ideas are wonderful. I too like the idea of staying with the current process for e-mails. There is great comfort in knowing that you can remain somewhat anonymous, and only give out your personal info when ready. I know of no other sites that are so friendly and concerned with members privacy and safety.
Can't say enough about this site! 
K |
Wolfie
Moderator/Spanking Aficionado
Username: Wolfie
Post Number: 978
Registered: 04-2005
| | Posted on Sunday, January 08, 2006 - 08:16 am: |
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Thank you. 
If you live to be a hundred, I want to live to be a hundred minus one day, so I never have to live without you.
Grow old with me, the best is yet to be.
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Wolfie
Moderator/Spanking Aficionado
Username: Wolfie
Post Number: 979
Registered: 04-2005
| | Posted on Sunday, January 08, 2006 - 08:19 am: |
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Lets not forget Fanny, who also moderates and watches over this site. 
If you live to be a hundred, I want to live to be a hundred minus one day, so I never have to live without you.
Grow old with me, the best is yet to be.
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Pinkwench
New member
Username: Pinkwench
Post Number: 30
Registered: 12-2005
| | Posted on Sunday, January 08, 2006 - 01:12 pm: |
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K. I agree, this site is very friendly, and open, and I know there are people out there that are looking for partners long-term or otherwise. So I think a separate area for members looking for a partner, is a viable idea, just that you/moderators, are going to have to spend more time policing that area.
You know besides, that, I think that most people continue to go to a site because they feel comfortable there, and maybe that's a woman thing more than man though??
Anyway, I'm not sure what I would do if anything would happen that Jake wasn't in my life, we've been married for 15 years, and I think it would be a pain in the ass  literally to go back out there and look for a partner. I found Jake at work, and we sort of progressed from vanilla to where we are, so I don't know if I would have the nerve to actually look in a spankings personal. |
Otktheplace4me
Advanced Spanko
Username: Otktheplace4me
Post Number: 1497
Registered: 09-2005
| | Posted on Sunday, January 08, 2006 - 05:16 pm: |
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I like Shylah's idea about adding links...but I think a personals area available only to registered members isn't a bad idea. Although I'm not looking I know there are those that are.
Pout out loud!!!
Cpl. Brat 2
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Bethie
Moderator/Spanking Aficionado
Username: Bethie
Post Number: 589
Registered: 04-2005
| | Posted on Sunday, January 08, 2006 - 09:50 pm: |
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Otk, I don't think posting links to personal ad sites is a good idea for here. I don't have anything against them, I just don't know enough about them to promote them.
Also, I wouldn't want to give free ad space to the ones that charge to use their services. I have Alt.com in the banner ads and it's rare that anyone uses it. I put it up early on and it's rarely used. I've been comtemplating taking it down because of that.
The free ones, I can't vouch for and with something as serious as helping people meet, I'd want to be sure they were completely safe. I don't think I'd ever be comfortable promoting a site like that if I wasn't intimately involved in or had experience with it.
That's just me though. I've gone to great lengths making sure the people here are as safe and comfortable as I can make them. I've got the software settings set pretty tight in some areas for those reasons.
I'm a nervous Nelly, what can I say? |
Ftopinmichigan
Spanko
Username: Ftopinmichigan
Post Number: 322
Registered: 09-2005
| | Posted on Monday, January 09, 2006 - 03:11 am: |
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On the specific spanking Personals' sites....I find them mostly a waste of time. It's the "personal" aspect of "this" site, the allows members to have open discussions, that makes me think of the idea of meeting others more easily. This site offers some opportunity to get to know folks through their postings.
I was on one site, with my photo, and because of that, they listed me as the "featured member," four times in a three month period. This meant over one quarter of their home page was taken up with MY photo. I was shocked when someone PM'd me to tell me.  The site never mentioned it, and while I'm out to family and friends, the idea of being splashed, like that, on their home page was a shock. 
It was a free, but limited site, and I got almost 9,000 (yes, that's nine thousand) hits during the time I was listed there. Out of those thousands of looks at my profile, I got not one single response in conjunction to what was listed in my profile. Not one!  I did give it a three month try and was sadly, but not surprisingly, disappointed. Another site, while I'm still listed, is also a waste of time, and I think it's also due to the casualness of many desired encounters. For too many, it doesn't matter what the profile sez.
I just see "this" site having the great potential to develop relationships, whether that be friends, playmates or more.
Thanks for listening to my info/opinion on the subject.
K |
Wolfie
Moderator/Spanking Aficionado
Username: Wolfie
Post Number: 983
Registered: 04-2005
| | Posted on Monday, January 09, 2006 - 08:45 am: |
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I agree K, I'd rather see relationships start here, whether romantic or spanking only.
I think a private section of the site, open only to registered members and maybe with a special password for added protection, is the way to go. That will keep out the lurkers and trolls. And if a person is bombarded by folks who dont read their profiles, all they need to do is tell us (and prove it) and those folks will be banned.
I dont think we can protect this kind of area any better than that. 
If you live to be a hundred, I want to live to be a hundred minus one day, so I never have to live without you.
Grow old with me, the best is yet to be.
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Badwife
New member
Username: Badwife
Post Number: 41
Registered: 07-2005
| | Posted on Monday, January 09, 2006 - 09:55 am: |
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I personally would love to have something like that here. |
Katie_spades
Junior Spanko
Username: Katie_spades
Post Number: 156
Registered: 11-2005
| | Posted on Monday, January 09, 2006 - 12:39 pm: |
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To be honest I think it would help as I'm sure some find the unsolicited emails a bother. Personally I don't get many so its not really a hindrance. Then again, as Ftop said the site has been doing well without it so is there really a need? But there seems to be or the question wouldn't have been posed... I'm stuck... damn I hate being fickle; sorry I couldn't be more help.
I'm sorry, but not as sorry as I'm gonna be.
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Reader_girl
New member
Username: Reader_girl
Post Number: 36
Registered: 07-2005
| | Posted on Monday, January 09, 2006 - 05:38 pm: |
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Bethie, your explanation makes it sound friendly and safe. I know I would welcome this addition. Thanks so much for considering it and giving it so much serious thought, regardless of what you decide to do.
Reader Girl
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Wyatt
Spanko
Username: Wyatt
Post Number: 332
Registered: 04-2005
| | Posted on Wednesday, January 11, 2006 - 01:04 pm: |
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I also believe it's a good idea. But why limit it as a 'match-making' area? It could also be a 'members only' area to post any spanking related idea, activity, or gathering where a member is looking for feedback or other interested members. The annoucement area is reserved
"for Den members to annouce spanko gatherings that are known to be safe and
held by established and respected groups or persons known in the spanking community."
Even Shadow Lane got their start somwhere, before the internet changed everything. I think it is worth a try and could not only enhance the Den, but also be an asset to the community.
Unfortunately, any unexpected PM, no matter how well intended, may be unwelcome and this idea is worth pursuing.
The "Master of Menace"
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Bethie
Moderator/Spanking Aficionado
Username: Bethie
Post Number: 601
Registered: 04-2005
| | Posted on Wednesday, January 11, 2006 - 01:52 pm: |
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The reason we decided to limit the announcement of gatherings to established groups was for the safety of the members here. Safety is a primary goal here at the Den and will be even more so in the proposed area.
Yes, groups have to get started somewhere, but they do manage to do so, usually by being visible and therefore accountable to their members. There are some seedy people out there who try to hold parties who have their own agenda. Those are the ones we're trying to avoid. That's why the limit was given. I can't have every Tom, Dick, and Harry announcing the spanking party they're holding in their garage.
If someone wants to propose ideas, activities, or gatherings, we have appropriate areas already in place. I don't see the need to put it in a members only area, they'd have to adhere to the same policy's as the public areas anyway. |
Wyatt
Spanko
Username: Wyatt
Post Number: 334
Registered: 04-2005
| | Posted on Wednesday, January 11, 2006 - 02:31 pm: |
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I whole heartedly agree! Safety must be of the utmost concern and I commend your efforts!
And I hope I'm wrong, but I suddenly feel like there is a name on my shirt that is either
Tom, Dick or Harry. I'd be the last one to tarnish this wonderful place.
Other than the Discussion area, then where might this area be? Or when you say 'we', are you refering to the 'community' in general?
The "Master of Menace"
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Wolfie
Moderator/Spanking Aficionado
Username: Wolfie
Post Number: 1006
Registered: 04-2005
| | Posted on Wednesday, January 11, 2006 - 04:04 pm: |
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I think there would be a difference if an established member that we have known for a while wanted to post their meet/party, than someone who just joined and we havent seen before. You will never be just a Tom, Dick or Harry, Wyatt! 
Are you planning on holding a function, or are you speaking for someone else?
If you live to be a hundred, I want to live to be a hundred minus one day, so I never have to live without you.
Grow old with me, the best is yet to be.
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Bethie
Moderator/Spanking Aficionado
Username: Bethie
Post Number: 604
Registered: 04-2005
| | Posted on Wednesday, January 11, 2006 - 05:52 pm: |
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Example: You're a member of a spanking group from your area and you want to announce a gathering here. Most established groups have some site on the web where they post their announcements, rules, and particulars. If you have that info, email it to me, I'll check it out and prepare a link to use with your announcment. Then I will start a thread so you can tell us what you know about the gathering and I'll insert the group's link. If there is no way for me to gather info about the group, there's no way for me to promote that gathering safely. The effort that would go into checking out every gathering that's not well established is more than I have time for. Sorry.
I believe that what goes on this board is my responsibility as owner of the site and it's not something I take lightly. I bought the software that runs this forum after I researched forum software to make sure it had the features that I wanted and safety was a priority.
Which is why when I considered adding a new area for people looking for partners, I thought long and hard about it and tried to strategize the best way to run it. It will be limited to individuals looking for partners though. I don't want to add anything more to the mix there. That's going to be enough to deal with.
Thanks for the suggestion though. I think the discussion and announcement areas are the best places for talking about groups and gatherings. I think it's something that should be available in the public area for all to read and comment on.
I added the announcement area to help keep others informed that's all. Annoucements can be made and people can comment on them. It's a way for newbies to see what's available to them and hear from members who have gone or may be going.
For those of you worried about the new additions to the Den, I promise, this will always be a discussion forum first and foremost.
And when I say we, I mean me, Dan, Wolfie, and Fanny in any combination. I always run my ideas past one or all of them and seek their input before diving in. We do some great brainstorming together but this was one of those things I wanted some input on from the members before going much further. I wanted to make sure there was real interest beyond sending PMs to each other. The unsolicited PMs are sometimes welcome, sometimes not. There's obviously a need among the members looking for partners and I'm just trying to see what I can do for them.
Thanks again! |
Wyatt
Spanko
Username: Wyatt
Post Number: 336
Registered: 04-2005
| | Posted on Thursday, January 12, 2006 - 11:08 am: |
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Sorry I didn't reply right away, I was interupted.
I have thought of organizing something in the past, but what I've been considering lately was something that would be a business, and hence, 'professional'. That is why I suggested this possible new area have more flexible limits, although I understand the concerns that raises. As I ponder this, you may be right in placing the content limitations to just personal ads.
I have in the past sent a PM to a member to whom I had not spoke with before and without prior given permission, because I was looking for some mentoring. Nonetheless, this PM would fall under the 'unsolicited' description, so I must also plead guilty as charged there.
I have not been able to get any input or help on my business idea, and I am about ready to give it up. My last possibility is for us to attend another SL party and speak personally to those I know in the industry. That probably should have been my first move. But it's been impossible for us to get away, even for the trade shows we should already be attending.
The "Master of Menace"
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Wyatt
Spanko
Username: Wyatt
Post Number: 338
Registered: 04-2005
| | Posted on Thursday, January 12, 2006 - 11:42 am: |
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I just read Ftop's scary story in Parties - Trusting, and now I'm sold!
Keep it the way you intend it.
The "Master of Menace"
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Wolfie
Moderator/Spanking Aficionado
Username: Wolfie
Post Number: 1019
Registered: 04-2005
| | Posted on Thursday, January 12, 2006 - 02:55 pm: |
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I know its a bit Pollyanna, but all we want is for everyone to have a wonderful first experience, make and meet friends, stay safe, find a partner for spanking and/or romance, and enjoy their fetish for their whole lives. Is that too much to ask? 
If you live to be a hundred, I want to live to be a hundred minus one day, so I never have to live without you.
Grow old with me, the best is yet to be.
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Wyatt
Spanko
Username: Wyatt
Post Number: 342
Registered: 04-2005
| | Posted on Thursday, January 12, 2006 - 04:30 pm: |
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No, it's not. Well, parts on time would be nice. That's why I've had the time here, lately.
I guess I'm too much like young Skywalker....
I sometimes forget there's a Dark Side.
The "Master of Menace"
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Spanking Discussion Area 