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Kayanthsmom
Junior Spanko
Username: Kayanthsmom
Post Number: 102
Registered: 11-2005
| | Posted on Tuesday, December 20, 2005 - 10:05 am: | 
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 my hubby and i are having a slight disagreement. he says that this is a cyber sex line and that coming here is the same as cheating on him! i totally disagree who is right?}
Little Spanked One
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Wolfie
Moderator/Spanking Aficionado
Username: Wolfie
Post Number: 862
Registered: 04-2005
| | Posted on Tuesday, December 20, 2005 - 11:02 am: |
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Wow Kay, that's a difficult question. We certainly dont think of ourselves as just an online sex site, although sex is a part of most peoples spanking fantasies. We'd also like to think of ourselves as a place folks can go to learn more about their kink, meet like minded people for friendships and support, have fun in the cyber role play threads or indulge their passion to write spanking stories.
I understand your husbands position though, we do talk about sex here...sometimes quite graphically. Whether it's cheating on your marriage or not is really up to you. If you come to the Den for the reasons I listed above, then I dont think he has any reason to worry. If your coming here to meet other men, flirt openly with them or even fantasize about them in your mind....then you have a problem and he has a right to be afraid. Has he come to the site and read some of what we talk about on discussions? Seen the storyboard and how we support each other in everyday life? Perhaps if he understood better what your getting out of coming here, he could relax and even join in.
Good luck. 
wolfie loves Steve more than anything else in the whole world...even more than chocolate and lobster!
3 wise men? Be serious....
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Shylah
Spanko
Username: Shylah
Post Number: 530
Registered: 10-2005
| | Posted on Tuesday, December 20, 2005 - 11:24 am: |
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Just sounds to me that he's jealous. Personally, I haven't seen any "cyber sex" in here that I can recall. There are sexual scenes in the reading area but as far as anything else, I've not seen it.
Take my heart and soul. But please don't step on it, it breaks easily.
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Ftopinmichigan
Spanko
Username: Ftopinmichigan
Post Number: 258
Registered: 09-2005
| | Posted on Tuesday, December 20, 2005 - 11:46 am: |
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My guess is that his impression about this site is either coming from his total ignorance of it, or from what you've told him.
This site, or at least the cyber section, may be "cyber sex" to some. I surely don't see this site dedicated to that though.
Bring him here, if it's important for you to be "right." Show him that his thinking is incorrect, but also be careful what you share with him, as that may be all he's basing his bad ideas on.
K |
Bethie
Moderator/Spanking Aficionado
Username: Bethie
Post Number: 554
Registered: 04-2005
| | Posted on Tuesday, December 20, 2005 - 01:11 pm: |
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We've really tried to keep the aspect of this being a "hook up" site under control so we can focus on spanking discussions. Yeah, there's always going to be that hint of sex since many of us think of spanking and sex as going hand in hand. And there's some steamy stuff in the Reading Area, too.
But this site doesn't include a cyber sex area. Cyber play, yes, but no cyber sex. There might be a little extra fun going on in there besides just some cyber spanks, but I don't think anyone is going too far.
Has he looked around the threads here or is he going on assumptions? Please encourage him to look around and if he still has concerns, he can contact me and I'll explain that our goal here is for open discussions about adult spanking. We're not a cyber sex site though!
I don't think he's wrong, I think he may just not understand what we're about.
Keep us updated! |
Katie_spades
Junior Spanko
Username: Katie_spades
Post Number: 95
Registered: 11-2005
| | Posted on Tuesday, December 20, 2005 - 02:08 pm: |
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Maybe he just hasn't seen. Until I started coming to forums, I had no idea. I'm not saying I thought they were necessarily hookup sites, but I certainly didn't think they consisted of friendly people with a lot of knowledge. Also he might have knowledge or experience of other sites and hence by association assumes the den is the same way. The den is good because it isn't like that but there are a few forums that I have stopped posting on because all I ever got were private messages, like "age, sex, location," etc, and although I like to have fun, I'm not here for cybersex. I'm here to learn what the others have to say, but had I not learned for myself, I wouldn't have the mindset that I have now.
Please sir, I don't need a spanking. I'll be good, I promise!
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Fanny
Moderator/Spanking Aficionado
Username: Fanny
Post Number: 1851
Registered: 05-2005
| | Posted on Tuesday, December 20, 2005 - 02:29 pm: |
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What type of site is this anyway?!?!? I was just here for the recipes in the everyday section. Of which I many say is sadly lacking, Not even one fruitcake recipe to be found!
Queen of Innocence
"Well behaved woman rarely make history"
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Lil_miss_wayward
New member
Username: Lil_miss_wayward
Post Number: 16
Registered: 12-2005
| | Posted on Tuesday, December 20, 2005 - 03:55 pm: |
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I don't really know a lot about this topic apart from my ex partner who was indeed my fiance accused me of the same thing, however I was going into chatrooms and joining in with the scenes there (i'm not sure if you could class that as what we do here?).
In the end it broke our relationship up, even when I tried to stay away from like minded people It just didn't work out! I was missing something that was naturally me, I was denying myself of who I was and that just isn't fair. I was also becoming quite bitter towards him, I wasn't a cheat and it was unfair for him to accuse me of being one!
To me a cheat is someone who openly wants to flirt and will do so with another person who is attractive to you. It is someone who takes part in sexual acts (yes you can link spanking with sex, but it can also just be fun and games)!
Can "cyber" anything be classed as cheating? Because the act isn't actually physically effecting you, it is probably just as bad as reading porn or some romance novel and masturbating over it!
In my opinion at the end of the day, cheating is something that you know you are doing. You know whether something feels right or wrong and if it feels wrong then don't do it!
Like the others have suggested bring your partner here, explain to him why you like coming and discuss the options etc. But if he really wants you to stop, you have decide what means more to you.
Sorry if this has no relevance and doesn't help!
Keep smiling and Happy Holidays!
 GROUP HUG!!!!
~lil miss Charlotte~
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Lil_miss_wayward
New member
Username: Lil_miss_wayward
Post Number: 17
Registered: 12-2005
| | Posted on Tuesday, December 20, 2005 - 03:57 pm: |
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Oh and I also agree with shylah, your husband is jealous! If he has seen you "cyber play" with some of the other tops in here, well he will get jealous. You may not like seeing your man playing with some other women? I mean you may lol...but oh heck i'm leaving it there! ;-)
~lil miss Charlotte~
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Ftopinmichigan
Spanko
Username: Ftopinmichigan
Post Number: 259
Registered: 09-2005
| | Posted on Tuesday, December 20, 2005 - 05:18 pm: |
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I think when it comes down to it all...if "he" feels that she's "cheating," by just coming here....than that's how he feels. I don't know if having him come here, will change his thinking. Usually when that type of thought is put into someone's mind...they never seem to let go of it.
Seems more an account of jealousy, and I don't know if "sharing" it will help.
K |
Beachley
Spanko
Username: Beachley
Post Number: 213
Registered: 04-2005
| | Posted on Tuesday, December 20, 2005 - 10:12 pm: |
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Mr. B sort of thought along those lines at the very beginning of a similar site. But after he was able to look at the site, he became more acceptable and at ease with the site.
Initially I let Mr. B read things that I printed out for him to see so he could get a feel for the site.
My next thoughts which I think worked pretty well was that I told him the role-play was simply a bunch of people writing a story together. Someone would write something and someone else would write the next phase etc. The banter, play, spanking etc, were all part of a story that everyone was writing together.
I don't know if that will help you, but it might. It seemed to make the site more acceptable to Mr. B when I put it in that fashion and also after he became more familiar with the site by reading. Now he often asks me what is going on at the sites. LOL
Good luck.
Ann
The Spice of Life is having my OWN WAY!! A spanking would be nice.
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Wolfie
Moderator/Spanking Aficionado
Username: Wolfie
Post Number: 869
Registered: 04-2005
| | Posted on Tuesday, December 20, 2005 - 11:44 pm: |
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Fanny, the only fruitcake here is you. 
wolfie loves Steve more than anything else in the whole world...even more than chocolate and lobster!
3 wise men? Be serious....
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Fanny
Moderator/Spanking Aficionado
Username: Fanny
Post Number: 1856
Registered: 05-2005
| | Posted on Wednesday, December 21, 2005 - 01:41 am: |
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Okay, Ms. Wolfie I'll give you that one, just because I walked right into it!!!! 
Queen of Innocence
"Well behaved woman rarely make history"
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Poofette
New member
Username: Poofette
Post Number: 38
Registered: 10-2005
| | Posted on Wednesday, December 21, 2005 - 02:28 am: |
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Run, don't walk away from anyone who is obsessively jealous and/or possessive. Sorry guys, but all men are territorial, so are woman for that matter but jealousy is a whole other ball of wax. There is no way to soothe the jealous beast in your partner, proving to them over and over that you are faithful.....blah, blah, blah....not going to work and you're only going to make yourself nuts trying. Ever hear of the expression I'd rather be hung as a lion then a sheep??? I'm not saying that reassurance between loving and trusting partners isn't ever necessary or beneficial!!! Possessiveness, control freaks, and raging jealousy are not ways for someone to show the love you!!!!!!!!!!!!! That crap should be left in junior high where it belongs not in adult relationships.
Poofette
(on her favorite soapbox, climbing off it now apologizing for being unable to help herself from posting a reply on this thread) |
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