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Chuck
Spanko
Username: Chuck

Post Number: 26
Registered: 07-2005
Posted on Thursday, October 21, 2010 - 09:46 am:   Edit Post

As a man why I like the DEN

I am a male (semi macho) but somewhat evolved as they say. Many years ago I faced the fact not only did I like female backsides I wanted to spank them. I was never about to beat a woman but to my amazement I found women who not only would let me spank them but enjoyed it. I have been trying to understand women and spanking and discipline ever sense. The Den has helped me figure out what this spanking thing is all about. A proper spanking is an event and whacking that bottom is only a part of the experience. Most of a spanking takes place in your head and understanding emotions and feelings is the biggest part of a "good whipping" I really understand very little and the Den opened my eyes to a lot of things I would have never figured out on my own.

Some things I would like to talk about to continue my education:

Note: My perspective is M/F and I understand there are other combinations and life styles that are OK with me.

The women who post for the most part are intelligent, thoughtful and are achievers. What do you think about when you choose to be submissive and accept a spanking be it play, love or DD.

Where do you ladies draw the line between a take charge, dynamic man who tells you he is going to tan your bottom if you break a rule and an abusive man who has just threatened to hit you.

I can guess and have heard some answers before but let us review how you ladies feel when you are across a manís lap and he has just spanked the fire out of your bottom. The spanking is over (the butt hitting part) and you will be getting up any second. What are you thinking about then.
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Subbie
Advanced Spanko
Username: Subbie

Post Number: 351
Registered: 05-2006
Posted on Thursday, October 21, 2010 - 06:11 pm:   Edit Post

Good post Chuck, I like coming to the Den and reading what others have to say about consensual spanking.

What I think is abuse is when a spanking goes over the established limits, I have my limits and when a spanking gets close to my limit, then I will use my safe word, and the spanking has to end. however my partner doesn't try to take me beyond my limit.

You are right about how much of the spanking is in our head, I didnt pick to be a submissive, it picked me. being a submissive is a real life thing, it's part of who I am.

I think we need a balance of power,in our releationship, I manage the money but ever use that as a means of power, just as my partner doesn't use my being submissive as a means of power either.

I get spanked for different reasons, one is pre-sex play, they are medium/medium hard spankings, from time to time I also get some rather harder spankings, and they are to keep me in line or for disipline.

The pre sex spankings are great, lets me know who the top is and who the bottom is, the others, well I don't exactly look forward to them but it's is part of our spanking plan, so one must face up to it.

Right after a spanking I need to rub, maybe wipe a tear, the feelng is I have been Dominated, my feeling then can range from, I'm yours to I'm sorry...doesn't make a difference if it was role play pre-sex, or if it was for actual discipline, the spanking lites another fire inside me. there is a full range of emotions going on.
my name says it all
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Rosycheeks
Spanko
Username: Rosycheeks

Post Number: 40
Registered: 05-2010
Posted on Thursday, October 21, 2010 - 11:45 pm:   Edit Post

Hi Chuck, For me the spanking is primarily a head thing- the fantasy aspect excites me but the actual experience differs from time to time-even I don't know how i'm going to react. There are times it realy gets me aroused, sometimes I think i want it but can't handle the pain, other times it becomes a challenge as to how far I am able to endure and then there are the times I go from enjoying it to getting really angry. The key however is that at no time do I ever have to be afraid of my man. I trust him to stop when I use our safe word and if he ever broke that trust it would be over.
I can't say I am honestly a subbie or DD or any other category - it keeps it interesting! I do not ever give up complete control and I can become quite surprisingly strong when pushed beyond what I am willing to go.
As for punishment spankings- I do have them but it is only when I feel I should be punished and because \i feel i deserve to be punished I force myself to take what ever he feels appropriate but I still have the option to stop him if it gets too much.(so far I have only had to use our safe word once)
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Chuck
Spanko
Username: Chuck

Post Number: 27
Registered: 07-2005
Posted on Friday, October 22, 2010 - 09:55 am:   Edit Post

Dear Subbie and Rosycheeks Thanks

I want to make it clear in all cases where spankings are given it must be between consenting adults or it is assault. Consent means the right to say no or stop. I consider it a privilege to spank my wife and not a right. When she breaks one of our rules or I decide she has stepped over the line in some area and needs a spanking she can be quite indignant or act shocked or be mad or be submissive or whatever (women are strange). She may complain about fairness or try and talk her way out of it but when I have heard enough she takes the spanking without resistance.

The power thing Ö We discuss respectfully money issues, politics, vacation, chores and the children all the time and I would never even consider spanking Wendy because I did not agreed with her. She would not put up with that. I was going to say we are equal but she is smarter than I am but in our relationship I give the spankings. When she is over my lap I have complete control. In my opinion I spank fairly hard and Wendy is anything but stoic but I am very careful not to go too far. Later when we have talked I was told some spanking were plenty hard but did not last long enough. Reading a woman can be difficult.
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Subbie
Advanced Spanko
Username: Subbie

Post Number: 353
Registered: 05-2006
Posted on Friday, October 22, 2010 - 07:05 pm:   Edit Post

Chuck, I'm not so sure it's so difficult to read us, athough I will say we are different, but then isn't it fun

I am submissive to a degree, I like being lay back, however before I
would let my partner spank me for
disipline, we have to have a understanding, we are both equal and have mutual respect for each other.
I am very affectionate and love being close. love and tenderness goes
along way with me, put me in that situation then my partner can take the paddle etc. and use it as they way.

I am very comfortable in my situation although I would be the first to admit that after a discipline spanking, I won't be too comfortable for a few days.
my name says it all
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Rosycheeks
Spanko
Username: Rosycheeks

Post Number: 41
Registered: 05-2010
Posted on Sunday, October 24, 2010 - 09:22 pm:   Edit Post

Chuck- I'd have to agreee with you, women can be hard to judge at least I know I can-as I said I can never really even know what to expect of myself when getting a spanking. Today I got an OTK spanking by hand-for fun- the whole time thinking how much more I wanted yet when he finished I didn't ask for more. Mind and body were not in sync. Go figure!
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Imabadgirl
New member
Username: Imabadgirl

Post Number: 5
Registered: 11-2010
Posted on Sunday, November 07, 2010 - 09:50 pm:   Edit Post

Hi Chuck,

For me the feelings I have about spanking are somewhat riddled with irony or paradoxes. I say this because as a sub I feel like I actually have as much, if not more, control over the situation when I'm being spanked. In cases like ours (us spankos) where it's entirely consensual, I think it's the spankee who's in control because he/she has to first give permission to be spanked and he/she has the power to stop it immediately if things get too rough for them. So, while I may be the one bent over my bf's lap sacraficing my dignity and at his mercy, ironically it's me that's in control. It's kind of paradoxical that by taking control of me by overpowering me and "putting me in my place" with his firm hand, he's giving me more power to say no every time he does. It's weird, but we both have control, just in different respects. I feel like I do give up control to him, but not so much that he would take advantage of me and cross any boundaries we have set for each other. And to a large degree, that's part of what makes being spanked by him such a turn on for me. Knowing that I can completely submit to him without fear of being truly abused is so hot. I ABSOLUTELY LOVE the fact that I can put that much trust in him, and even more so that he doesn't violate that trust.

As far as drawing the line between a take charge kind of man and an abusive man, my opinion is that is that it all goes back to the issue of consent. I like that my bf isn't afraid to stand up to me and won't tolerate any sort of shenanigans from me, but at the same time he doesn't just bully me into submission. Every spanking I've been give has been with my full consent. Oh sure, sometimes for the sake of fun in the moment, I like to whine and complain about how unfair it is for me to be spanked, or I ask him to stop while kicking and screaming (though I really don't want him to), but like I said, all my spankings have been 100% consensual and I've NEVER had to use our "safe word". I guess what I'm trying to say is that just because a man is take charge kind of guy doesn't necessarily mean he doesn't respect you and treat you as an equal. If the man doesn't cross any of the boundaries that he and his lady have set prior to the spanking then I would in no way consider that abusive. I can tell you that my bf can give one hard spanking, but in no way has he ever been a bully or abusive towards me. Basically, if the man has exceeded the established boundaries, or he is hitting her with out her consent then that's abuse and assault.

As far as what's going through my mind when the spanking (hitting part) is over and I'm about to get off his lap (or whatever he had me bent over) it's a bit of a flood of emotions. Usually I'm just at the point where I'm happy it's over, but there have been a few times he has left me wanting a few more whacks to my bottom. I also feel remorseful, turned on by the fact that my bf is able to manhandle me with nothing more than his strong arms and firm hand, and I feel so connected to him when he's done. Once he lets me up I have this intense need to hug and kiss him and be held by him while he rubs my bottom to make it feel better. Sometimes to get me hotter my bf will give me more corner time after he's done rather than holding me right away. It works every time!

I hope these answers helped you some, Chuck. :-)

(Message edited by Imabadgirl on November 07, 2010)

(Message edited by Imabadgirl on November 07, 2010)
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Yorkie69
Spanko
Username: Yorkie69

Post Number: 36
Registered: 08-2010
Posted on Monday, November 08, 2010 - 02:08 am:   Edit Post

I just thought I'd add my perspective as a male who has his bottom spanked by his wife. Ours is not a dom/sub situation but just a couple who love each other dearly and want to make each other happy.
My interest in spanking is purely erotic and while my wife cannot understand why I like it she knows I need it and is willing to do it. She doesn't want to boss me about. I just like my bottom smacked. I don't know why.
Our relationship is based on me being the man of the house as my wife likes it so I just tell her what I want and she complies. So I guess I top from the bottom.

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