Post Number: 1
|Posted on Thursday, May 06, 2010 - 09:34 pm: ||
Hi there. Short-time reader, first-time poster. I'm posting this because I feel the need to discuss my spanking life - or lack thereof - openly and honestly.
When I was under 18, I expected that as soon as I was "of age" that I'd meet someone to give me the spanking I felt like I needed. I'm 28 now and I still haven't gotten spanked. I've felt compelled a time or two to make contact with like-minded people in the past, but I've never gone through with anything. I always chicken out at the last minute, and then feel ashamed of myself. Then, the cycle repeats.
Since this is where I seem to get stuck, I thought I'd ask in an open forum for thoughts on my issue. What I feel like it is, is that a spanking isn't something I necessarily *want*. It'd be a painful experience by nature. But I feel like it's something I *need*. Despite literally years and years of thinking about it, I can't explain it. I sometimes wonder if I maybe don't need it, and that's why I avoid getting my spanking. I think about it often, though, and if no one is home I will self-spank. (Which I've never admitted to anyone before.)
Basically, I'm wondering if anyone's felt like this before? Does this want/need theory make sense? What do I do now?
Thanks in advance for any input.
Post Number: 100
|Posted on Friday, May 07, 2010 - 04:15 am: ||
Hi Lily. Welcome to Spanking Den. Well done on swallowing a brave pill and posting here. I know what it's like to be a closet spanker as do most people here I believe.
As for your need I can identify with it. I struggled with it for years and especially early this year where it became very distracting. So distracting in fact that my wife knew something was really bothering me and I eventually told her what it was and we both were of the opinion that, well, if that's my need then let's run with it, there's no point fighting it anymore. I am fortunate that I am married to a wonderful woman who is willing to indulge my need so I do hope you are able to find someone for yourself.
I don't know how you would classify it to be honest but does it really matter? Want/need, need/want, it's all pretty much the same isn't it?
Anyways, welcome and enjoy.
Nothing says "I love you" like a warm bottom
Post Number: 2
|Posted on Friday, May 07, 2010 - 11:35 pm: ||
Thanks for the welcome and understanding!
Post Number: 102
|Posted on Saturday, May 08, 2010 - 03:13 am: ||
I've got to admit that I have never actually come across a female that enjoys spanking AND self spanks. If only.....
Nothing says "I love you" like a warm bottom
Post Number: 354
|Posted on Monday, May 10, 2010 - 10:15 am: ||
I went through a soul searching time before I went to my first spanking party. I was afraid to discuss the subject and finally I decided to confide in a close friend who was very open minded. I told her I was deeply into spanking and didn't know how to find "balance." I had spanked steady girlfriends, but when I was single I was the proverbial "fish out of water".
She (Paula) said,"Oh, don't worry about it! My boyfriend slaps my ass during sex, and it's ok. I kinda like it....if it's not too hard." I explained to her that spanking people were different and their wants and desires go much deeper than that. After I explained this she said, "oh...well...You just need to express your needs in the proper way and I'm sure you'll find someone." At his point I should explain. Paula was involved with someone, but he wasn't the jealous type. He knew we were only friends and trusted me when Paula and I were out together.
From then on, sometimes when we were hanging out together I'd make a comment like, "Are you being NAUGHTY again?"
To which she'd reply, "Do I need a SPANKING?" very teasingly. (If there was one thing Paula was good at - it was being a big tease!)
And I'd reply, "Oh do you ever!!" Sometimes, I even gave her a firm smack on the bottom, and she'd give a little squeal and then laugh. She knew she had just made my day and I was thankful for having an understanding good friend.
That was pretty much that with Paula. It was years before I finally spanked her. It was for her birthday and this happened in my motorcycle shop. I said, "You know after all this time, I've never gotten the chance to SPANK you! Do I have your permission?"
She blushed a bit and said "As long as it's not too hard."
"Only the last few. Just so you know that spanking people are unique! You just have to trust me!" She said she did.I seated myself in a chair and she bent over my knee. I spanked Paula over her jeans for about two minutes, landing fairly mild, but firm spanks all over her plump bottom. I then asked her "Had enough?"
"Yes, my butt's pretty warm." she replied.
"Not yet, it isn't!" and spanked her four times fairly hard - alternating cheeks - on her sit down spot.
"OH! AHH! OOO! OWWW!" (This time, these little audible admissions were very genuine and real.)
"Now it's warm - isn't it?" and allowed her to get up. She did so and to my great satisfation rubbed her freshly spanked bottom for about fifteen seconds.
"OOOOooo, it certainly is! I'm glad you were never a BOYfriend! I don't think my BUTT would have enjoyed that!"
I said, "That's because you're not a spanko. You're a vanilla with a very spankable bottom which is a HUGE shame, let me tell ya!"
That was pretty much the last time we discussed spanking. I guess you could say I finally got my message across. Ha, ha. Paula has since moved away. Pity - she was a good friend and fun to be with.
So my advice to you, Lily - do you have a close friend to confide in? Perhaps you could discuss this and tell them how you feel and perhaps they may even endulge you. I suppose some here will advise against this - involving a person not in the scene. But I think it will help just to share with someone, just as you're doing here. And maybe you can find yourself getting a spanking too. I would caution, it would have to be a very special friend. One you can trust with your secrets and share a close bond with.
I'm assuming you don't currently have a boyfriend. If you do, you should find the courage to talk to him. Why waste time? Life is short.
I think you should consider going to a spanking party and meet some like minded people. It's great fun and you come away feeling much more "normal" about yourself.
Hope this helps, kiddo!
(Message edited by bethie on May 11, 2010)
The "Master of Menace"
Post Number: 9
|Posted on Friday, May 21, 2010 - 11:41 am: ||
Lily, Hi there. I know exactly what you are going through-I have also thought about ,dreamed about it and even self spanked fitor years before I got the courage to let my husband in on my "dirty little secret" but now am I ever glad I did because we really enjoy sharing the "dirty little secretDepending on how adventurous you are the suggestion of attending one of those "parties" with like minded people might work for you and at least it is a safe environment.
If however you are more inclined to keep it personal to a relationship you have, then you could broach the subject by talking about a book you saw on the subject -ask for your partner's input-then tell him/her you were intrigued by it and wouldn't mind trying it out if they would.-This might be a little contrived but it worked for me- I left the book-The Claiming of Sleeping Beauty-by Ann Rice out where hubby could see it-we are both avid readers so he ouldn't help but pick it up and the rest is history.
As for your wondering if you need it or not-if you have been thinking about this for years then yes I'd say you definitely do.Don't mistake nervousness or shyness to share your feelings with not really feeling them. It takes guts to divulge such a socially "questioned" fetish and if you can find the right person to share it with it can be very satisfying. Best of luck in your search.
Post Number: 1
|Posted on Saturday, May 29, 2010 - 05:37 pm: ||
No advice, but I just wanted to say that I identify with negotiating that want/need line and trying to decide what to do about it.
I've never dated someone I felt comfortable asking about a spanking. The type of guys I seem to be attracted to are real gentlemen who have a very great deal of respect for women. This is fantastic in all ways except that, how do you explain to a sweet, gentle, respectful guy that you'd like to be put over someone's knee and given a good spanking?
I had my first adult spanking the other night, and though some parts were really awkward, other parts of it were wonderful. I definitely enjoyed it. Unfortunately, I don't think it's going to work long term because he's much more into spanking + sex and I am not.