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New member
Username: Vixievamp

Post Number: 37
Registered: 05-2006
Posted on Thursday, September 24, 2009 - 09:12 pm:   Edit Post

I have been a member for a few years, but have rarely posted because I'm kind of shy. But, I've been having a problem with my spanking life for awhile now and I was hoping that I could get some advice from subs who have been in a spanking relationship for longer than me. First the background info: I love the thought of getting a spanking. I am always reading stories and looking at pictures on the web. My husband spanks me, but we don't really have a discipline agreement or anything, it is just for fun and a part of my sex life. (Although I have gotten a few discipline spankings, but they are very few and very far between). Also, before I started dating my husband I was in an abusive relationship and I have post traumatic stress disorder.

Heres the problem: Even though I love the thought of getting spanked I cannot handle anything more than a very light spanking. I dream about more intense spankings, and in the beginning of our relationship, my husband gave me intense spankings and I had no problem handling them. Now a few swats of the paddle has me screaming the safe word. But then right away I regret using the safe word because I want more, but if we start up again, I can't take the pain again. It just seems so unbearable to me. And I get myself so hyped up about the pain. It usually takes several attempts before he can even get a swat in cuz I keep jumping up out of fear of how much the paddle is going to hurt. And the spankings are not that intense, they just leave me red, occassionally a little bruised, but I bruise extremely easily because I am very fair skinned. But, I want to be able to be spanked more because it is a huge part of my sexuality. I think a big hangup might be the fear of crying. I can't cry in front of other people. It is just humiliating for me to feel that vulnerable and the paddle makes me wanna cry after a few swats, so I yell the safeword before I can cry. I know my husband wouldn't judge me for crying, but I just can't bring myself to cry in front of someone else. And I'm confused over why I used to be able to take pretty intense spankings and now my bottom seems a lot more sensitive. Can anybody give me advice? Did anyone else have similar problems with either pain tolerance or the fear of crying? Thanks for the help!
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Moderator/Spanking Aficionado
Username: Bethie

Post Number: 2042
Registered: 04-2005

Posted on Friday, September 25, 2009 - 02:52 am:   Edit Post

Vixievamp, there have been times when my tolerance level just isn't what it normally is. I don't know why it happens every time, but I know if we haven't been playing much, my tolerance level can be less than normal. What we do then is ease me back into play which takes a bit of patience and perseverance.

What type of paddle are you using? When my tolerance levels are down, hard paddles with little or no give can be too much. I find that I can get the intensity I crave with other implements. We have some pretty intense leather straps and paddles as well as other implements that aren't all heavy thud, so I don't feel like I'm missing out by not getting spanked with the heavier toys.

Once my bottom is back to its normal tolerance, Dan starts mixing in a little of the harder implements as usual. Sometimes I just need a little help getting my tolerance built back up.

As for the crying issue, I'm not sure I can help you with that one. I don't cry unless I'm all worked up over something else and I need to cry anyway; then the spanking just helps me release the tension.

I'm afraid your fear of crying might be part of a larger issue and I'm not sure how to handle that here. I wish I could help you more with this but maybe someone else has dealt with this sort of thing and can chime in.
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Username: Vixievamp

Post Number: 38
Registered: 05-2006
Posted on Friday, September 25, 2009 - 12:24 pm:   Edit Post

Well, it makes me feel a little better to hear that you don't usually cry because I thought that everyone cried during spankings because that's what you usually read in the stories. The paddle is made of hard plastic and is slightly textured. We've also tried a hard plastic hairbrush and that has been too intense lately. I can handle a braided leather belt a little better than paddles. Unfortunately he can't use his hand because he shattered his elbow years back and it just hurts him too much to do more than a few swats. But that is good advice about the intensity of the implement. I will talk to him more about warming up. Thank you!
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Moderator/Spanking Aficionado
Username: Shylah

Post Number: 2244
Registered: 10-2005

Posted on Saturday, September 26, 2009 - 11:00 am:   Edit Post

Hi Vixievamp. I find I have to get my fella to do a warm up first with some handspanking. Then once I find I am able to tolerate more he will advance to paddles or belt. If he goes straight in with something else I can't take it. It's well worth getting him to do a warm up first. Not hard spanks at first...easy ones, a little rubbing and then gradually increase them. Plus, it makes it last longer and I can really get into the "zone".
Every time I say the word "exercise" I wash my mouth out with chocolate
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New member
Username: Tln

Post Number: 7
Registered: 09-2009
Posted on Saturday, September 26, 2009 - 12:28 pm:   Edit Post

Hi Vixievamp

Like Bethie, I also think your fear of crying, and especially fear of crying in front of others, is part of a larger issue. I have also been in a mentally abusive relationship prior to my previous marriage. This is more than 25 years ago, but it took me a long time to get over the anger I felt about being abused. My husband helped me get through this anger by talking about it, getting me to scream it out into the forest or on a beach. It was very healing and after that the grief over what I had let myself endure followed. Through this process I gained so much trust in him, that I eventually could cry in front of him. When you cry, you are baring your soul, you are at your most vulnerable and it takes tremendous trust in the other person you are doing it with.

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