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New member
Username: Jessica

Post Number: 1
Registered: 11-2008
Posted on Monday, November 17, 2008 - 11:20 pm:   Edit Post

We are extremely inexperienced and need serious advice.

Thinking I could use a good cry, my reluctant partner finally decided to try spanking me this week. Not quite a disaster but I don't think he is going to do it again. Hopefully, he'll try again but I would like some suggestions for a better experience.

Over the knee was uncomfortable for him. His hand felt good to me but he got tired.

He then put me on the bed and used a small strip of leather which eventually started stinging but he stopped when it looked like I was bruising. He said he felt he was more beating me than giving me an erotic spanking.

He really doesn't want to do this again. If it is not too late (for me) what did we do wrong? And what can we do to make it less offensive for him?

1. Ice stopped the bruising and the welts went away by the morning but I canceled my doctor's appointment due to the red marks on my skin. Best way not to mark?

2. I didn't think I had a very high tolerance to pain, so either I do or he wasn't hitting too hard. What could give a quicker sting?

3. Is it possible to have an emotional and physical cry?
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Moderator/Spanking Aficionado
Username: Bethie

Post Number: 1958
Registered: 04-2005

Posted on Tuesday, November 18, 2008 - 12:42 am:   Edit Post

I'm sorry he didn't enjoy the experience. I want to think about this a bit before I post more but I didn't want you to think no one was paying attention.

It's late and I'm sleepy so I think I'd better wait until I'm thinking more coherently.
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Username: Her_guy

Post Number: 48
Registered: 12-2006
Posted on Tuesday, November 18, 2008 - 06:33 am:   Edit Post

Hello Jessica,

Welcome to our group!

I just have a moment but wanted to reply before I headed out the door.

I think your choice of implements was not good for your start. Small leather strips have sharper edges which contribute to bruising. Try to find a paddle or hairbrush with larger surface area. If you are like me, you want the spanking to sting and burn, but not mark. I have paddles used on me very hard that don't leave any marks. (See my post in the "spanked in panties" thread for a photo and discussion. As to getting tired, I can't imagine that if he used the right implement, that you wouldn't have a burning bottom in just a few moments.

Positioning is a personal thing based on relative size and personal desires. OTK is one of my favorites but we are still trying to get it down right after years of practice.

I have not yet truly cried, but have had wet eyes from severe spankings. Others may have input on this.

Perhaps you could tell us how and why this got started. Is this something you have wanted for years? I am sorry that you got such a bad start in this. Maybe you will have to get reading material to share and discuss your thoughts together. Hopefully he can be convinced that it is not as bad as it seems. Many of us here get it on a regular basis.

I would like to help out more later. I know you will get much help from others here. Please stay with us.


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Username: Tawseman

Post Number: 31
Registered: 07-2008
Posted on Tuesday, November 18, 2008 - 12:24 pm:   Edit Post

Hmmm......there are several issues here. The emotional dynamic is harder to get a handle on, but you mention insufficient sting, so let's start with that.

Have you read the thread here on best sting?

It is a possibility that if you get a lot of sting without bruising, both of you would get more pleasure. You want the sting, and he doesn't want bruising. I would suggest a Lexan ferrule from Hansen Paddle Werks, in the thinner 1/4 thickness. Lexan is heavier than wood, so don't be led into thinking this is a lightweight implement.

As far as bruising goes, consider Arnica and vitamin C. Also, your bottom will bruise less the more it is spanked. And, a gentle warm up will result in less bruising.

Now, since your partner is sensitive to the difference between an erotic spanking and a beating, the ferule is rather less club-like than many other instruments, so could generate less negative thinking on his part. It is possible that a Lexan ferule with holes of one big hole (hole in the head) would appear more as an erotic device than an implement for administrating a beating. Heck buy all three and share your experiences here. BTW, having all three would accentuate the erotic play aspect in his eyes.

Again, addressing your desire for more sting, consider a wet spanking with smooth Lexan. It takes two hands to deliver a good wet spanking. One to spank and one to use the mister. A standard spray bottle adjusted to a fine spray works well. Either water or alcohol can be used. Alcohol has the advantage of mixing cooling from the evaporation with heat from each paddle stroke. Alcohol also introduces some sting of its own as the spanking progresses. The skin need not be visibly damaged for alcohol to sting. And each stroke of the paddle renews and intensifies the sting without doing any damage or bruising. This will please you both, since you desire more sting and bruising turns him off.

I sympathize with you both, as I love sting and hate to bruise.

Another technique is to have several layers of hot wet towels laid on your bottom for a few minutes prior to the spanking. Extra towels can be kept hot for reapplication every so often. Hot towels laid on an already spanked bottom really sting, too, BTW.

Have you read the thread on spanking on wet skin?

Lying prone on the bed with a bolster under your hips and the legs fully spread makes the bottom nice and round and soft so the maximum skin contact (and sting) with minimum bruising will result. This position also allow you to grind and writhe a little to turn him and yourself on. Having your ankles tied far apart could enhance the experience for either or both of you.

I don't know how either of you are on butt plugs, but they can be an enhancement to a spanking for many. Have you read the thread on anal toys and spanking?

Perhaps it is time for you to think about becoming a Drama Queen. Since he needs some indication that spanking has an erotic effect on you, let yourself go. Get hot. Get wet. Diddle yourself when it start to get good. Share it with him. Encourage him to stop and rub your bottom and caress you sexually. Kiss him passionately. Jump his bones.

A rubber strap or tawse can also sting tremendously, particularly on a wet bottom.

Have you considered a martinet? They deliver a lot of sting and no bruising. We are particularly fond of ours with vinyl tails. One uses 1/8 in diameter vinyl tube for tails. Another uses smooth screen spline sold for RVs, and is particularly good for "more sensitive areas".

Very few men can resist turning on their lover. Give him the best sex he ever had whenever he spanks you. Before anyone suggests this is manipulative, it is really just one way of encouraging and rewarding. We all do it, and it is a good way of communicating our wants and needs. Ramping up the sexual component will keep him from getting negative thoughts about spanking you. He needs to know that he is pleasuring you, not beating you.

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New member
Username: Jessica

Post Number: 2
Registered: 11-2008
Posted on Tuesday, November 18, 2008 - 09:44 pm:   Edit Post

Long ago I was in a relationship that had some spanking. Not alot but I enjoyed it. Looking back, it was pretty basic. Not very long, not much pain but it was different for the time.

Now, decades later I meet someone and during discussions of what we liked I mentioned spanking. He almost shut down totally. We never talked about it again, until recently he brought it up. Evidently, he had not forgotten and even though it bothers him, he wanted to try it for me.

You know the next chapter.

He hasn't totally rejected not trying again. But this time he wants to use his hand only and not on a bare bottom. I don't think this will be very stimulating for me. But I feel any mention of "real" implements would really scare him away.

Shoot, I am not that experienced either. Some of what I have read (thanks for the direction) seems too advanced for me.
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Username: Boomer

Post Number: 27
Registered: 07-2008
Posted on Wednesday, November 19, 2008 - 04:03 pm:   Edit Post

Jessica - I would suggest you introduce your partner to some videos on the subject. Shadowlane has a wonderful video - I believe it is called Spanking Tutorial. Browse their website. I intoduced my wife to spanking with some of these videos - seeing the action in an intimate production introduces the subject in a much different light than trying to wing it without any reference. My wife learned some tips from these, and has indulged my fantasies and actually gotten more confident about her knowledge and abilities - except it is me on the receiving end - and not in a bad way.
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Supreme Spanko
Username: Buenaventura

Post Number: 899
Registered: 04-2006

Posted on Wednesday, November 19, 2008 - 08:44 pm:   Edit Post

You might read some of the many threads written here on this subject.Most agree that communication is the way to go.Have him read some of the more entertaining stories.Let him handspank you as he says and then wiggle around as Boomer says.and encourage him(Oh harder baby harder)When he sees how much it turns you on then you can convince him to go further.Do it a little at time and let us know how it goes.

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