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Lovinglife
New member
Username: Lovinglife
Post Number: 8
Registered: 08-2008
| | Posted on Tuesday, September 02, 2008 - 11:08 am: | 
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So here's the problem...my boyfriend likes to spank me...but just not very hard...
I asked him if he enjoyed spanking me early on in our relationship and his answer was, i like you butt, and i like to look at it, so yea. The only times he's ever really spanked me hard was the two times I um...well let's say goofed in some way or another. And that was mostly because I was endangering my health (when you're sick you probably shouldn't be doing ten things at once).
But there is a hopeful thing, I think I know why he doesn't spank me hard in our romantic spankings...<edited for underage reference>
When he does give a harder swat I try to encourage him with some pleasant noises or I rub my hips on his groin or something, I've even said uh huh sometimes...I'm not sure what else to do.
Any suggestions?
(Message edited by fanny on September 03, 2008) |
Maren_s
Spanko
Username: Maren_s
Post Number: 23
Registered: 08-2008
| | Posted on Tuesday, September 02, 2008 - 12:38 pm: |
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It's tricky when you're trying to work through past abuse issues, but I think you're going about it the right way. You're going to need a lot of communication, on both your parts. Just try to reinforce the idea that he's not hurting you. That it feels good, and it's what you want. As his confidence grows, he might be able to get past his emotional issues to give you the spanking you really want.
You could try setting up a code word, something for his peace of mind so that he can be assured that he's not taking it too far or really hurting you.
Also you could try buying an implement that packs a heck of a sting into a light smack. Hairbrush, small paddle, etc. |
Lovinglife
New member
Username: Lovinglife
Post Number: 9
Registered: 08-2008
| | Posted on Wednesday, September 03, 2008 - 02:47 pm: |
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Thanks Maren_s! I will try talking to him about it more and see what he thinks about these ideas. |
Fanny
Moderator/Spanking Aficionado
Username: Fanny
Post Number: 3557
Registered: 05-2005
| | Posted on Wednesday, September 03, 2008 - 08:35 pm: |
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Maren is correct here with her suggestion of a code word. If you look at some of the past threads you will notice that having a safe word in important to both parties. Not only does it keep the spankee within their comfort zone but it also gives the spanker an idea of when things are okay or when it is time to back off a bit.
A common suggestion is to go with the traffic light colors. Green always means keep it going, where yellow signifies to show down and red means stop. It is easy enough and a spanker can always stop and ask the spankee for a color code.
Queen of Innocence
"Well behaved woman rarely make history"
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Fanny
Moderator/Spanking Aficionado
Username: Fanny
Post Number: 3558
Registered: 05-2005
| | Posted on Wednesday, September 03, 2008 - 08:39 pm: |
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Just to be more specific, make the safe work completely non spanking related. I am in a long term spanking relationship and on a rare occasion, even though my husband thinks he can read my physical signals, (and he usually can) there may be something else on my mind that day, or I may not be feeling as well I as I would like. We have chosen a word that is so far away from not only spanking talk, but everyday conversation, that there is no room for a misunderstanding.
Queen of Innocence
"Well behaved woman rarely make history"
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Zippo
Prime Spanko
Username: Zippo
Post Number: 1690
Registered: 09-2005
| | Posted on Monday, October 06, 2008 - 03:09 pm: |
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Loving I can identify with what your boyfriend is feeling. Maren and Fanny give some excellent advice, but try to remember that just as a bottom/sub has limits that need to be explored, so does a top/dom . Good communication is paramount...dont leave him guessing, it will only serve to frustrate him. Instead of harder swats you could also suggest longer sessions.
The Brat Tamer...changing brats attitudes one smack at a time
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