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Cherrybrewer
New member
Username: Cherrybrewer
Post Number: 5
Registered: 07-2007
| | Posted on Monday, July 23, 2007 - 10:18 am: | 
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What if she wants some one else to spank her other than me?
Two years ago, when she first told me about this I freaked out, I was arrogant, insecure, and ignorant. I just couldn't wrap my head around it. She even met someone online, arranged for him to come to our house and talk to me about it. I was unaware, and when I found out what was going I lost it. I threw him out ( not physically of course), and it almost ended our relationship. It was buried. We separated for seven months. From January to July this year and she has had had probably 30+ spankings and tells me that she will never live without it in her life again. She truly loves it.
She has talked with me about it but very little and very cautiously, understandably so, I really made a fool out of myself the last time it came up. I am someone that never gets angry or yells, patience is something that I had an endless supply of, and she has seen me at my worst. I am so embarrassed by that... It haunts me that I was so insensitive to her...I am so ashamed….
I asked her to share sources with me, to help me understand what it is all about. She told me about one site, and I got started. Since I began reading and talking with all of the wonderful people, that has shed light on this for me. All of you have truly educated me, and since I getting a deeper look into my own psyche, I am realizing how much I AM GONNA LOVE THIS MYSELF!
She gave me what she called an "introductory" course on spanking, where she was OTK in shorts, I hand spanked her, to warm her up, then shorts came off and a 30 minute hand spanking on the bare bottom followed. I know cause I watched the clock, it was amazing how I was really swinging, and she was directing me. At first I was so shaky... but then I was really getting into it! I know I was very "boring" for her, as it was a steady repetitive rhythm that was not good for her at all. She has never felt me touch her like that, with so much strength, nor have I ever dreamed of touching her that intensely...
But, back to may question, I tend to ramble when I get excited about something, and she is truly my life. I love her with all of me, I could just go on and on…. She has told me, when I asked her if I could do this with her, that we could "play with it" but she doesn't know if she wants to share the "real spankings" with me. She is a very strong and tough. Her pain threshold is through the roof, as I am sure lots of you share, but I think there is an emotional release that she fears revealing to me, or just doesn't want to. She has told me about the implements and how takes them all, and loves them.
Now I know I was a bastard, and I am truly sorry, I almost lost her over my stupidity and lack of understanding. I will take all of the criticism that all of you wish to throw at me, I TRULY DESERVE IT. But I have seen the error of my ways, and correcting my faults and short comings. Isn't that what all of us srtive to do??
Help me please….I want to be all I can be for her…. |
Rose
New member
Username: Rose
Post Number: 13
Registered: 06-2007
| | Posted on Monday, July 23, 2007 - 06:19 pm: |
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Maybe you should direct her to this site. Your comments have certainly convinced me how much you love her. You are very good to be putting so much effort into learning how to please her. She's a lucky woman. I have no doubt that the two of you will have a successful, loving relationship if you both put this kind of energy into pleasing each other.  |
Bratattitude
Junior Spanko
Username: Bratattitude
Post Number: 84
Registered: 10-2005
| | Posted on Monday, July 23, 2007 - 06:44 pm: |
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I agree with Rose... show her this site... maybe you guys can use it together! |
Thestratosman
New member
Username: Thestratosman
Post Number: 1
Registered: 07-2007
| | Posted on Thursday, July 26, 2007 - 06:14 pm: |
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It sounds like she trusts you enough to play with spanking in your relationship, but perhaps she has difficulty envisioning you giving her a "real spanking". In a loving relationship it is often difficult for people to provide both playful and "real" spankings. A "bridge" experience may help where you tell her she can have someone give her a "real" spanking, but YOU get to choose the spanker. When she experiences one or more real spankings this way, in a sense provided by you, the transition to you giving the real spankings can be easier. |
Badgirl
Spanko
Username: Badgirl
Post Number: 489
Registered: 11-2005
| | Posted on Saturday, July 28, 2007 - 09:03 pm: |
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Cherry, it's a tough question, because you seem to be very intent on making sure her needs are met, but I am not sure we have heard about where your needs are, nor where your limits lie.
It's important that you do everything you can to make her happy. But it is equally important that you are comfortable with what you are doing.
Talk to her about it. Ask her the same questions you are asking us.
I am sure that if she loves you as much she seems to she will forgive earlier behaviour. It may just take some time is all.
Good luck! |
Cherrybrewer
New member
Username: Cherrybrewer
Post Number: 14
Registered: 07-2007
| | Posted on Saturday, July 28, 2007 - 09:41 pm: |
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Thank you all for your input… She says we can “play with erotic spanking” but feels what she “needs” is the disciplinary spanking, and that she can not see me giving her that.
I am trying desperately to learn as much as I can, I know I’m an idiot about this, but doesn’t being a disciplinarian have to do with getting in someone’s head? How do you do that? I’m reading Buenaventura’s stories and considering paying him to teach me how to do this. His stories/experiences amaze me… He has no idea I am thinking this, well, until now…but I can do anything, for her…
She has also recommended that I “go out” and get experience with other women; how would I do that? What woman would teach me, to give spankings? Talk about “losing my cherry…” I apologize, I am not trying to be vulgar or cute, I just want so badly…to be all I can for her. I considered starting a new thread on that subject but I feel like a fool. |
Buenaventura
Advanced Spanko
Username: Buenaventura
Post Number: 719
Registered: 04-2006
| | Posted on Saturday, July 28, 2007 - 10:04 pm: |
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Cherry why look for someone else when you,ve got the best teacher right there.It,s all a game.An opportunity to let that kid inside of you out.Be an actor.Tell yourself "she wants discipline OK I,ll give her discipline )Get into it it,s great fun once you,ve put yourself in the right frame of mind.If you,ve read my stories you know that 10 months ago I had no experience whatsoever with a real spankee now she hollers uncle quite often.Fact is we spent almost 2 months with her asking for only erotic spankings. |
Cherrybrewer
New member
Username: Cherrybrewer
Post Number: 15
Registered: 07-2007
| | Posted on Sunday, July 29, 2007 - 11:30 am: |
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Hmmmm.... Intersting... Can we talk more about this? You experiences, getting started, how to's, uh oh's and the like? I'm sure your arms and hands are pretty tired (I would be amazed if not!), but your stories/experiences are something... You see, not so long ago I had no idea this "game" ever existed...and if no one lets you play, or shows you how, or even explains it to you, you never learn. As far as acting, getting into it as you say; that's easy... But there are other delicacies that are a prerequisite.
There is a difference between the two, dicipline and erotic, right?? She has had dicipline and says we can play with erotic. How do I start, what do I say, How am I supposed to act...? All of you have so much knowledge that I am so eager to become familiar with.
Have you ever tried to catch your tail?? You run around as fast as you can, until you almost fall down... There is a purpose, so you feel... and you run faster and faster... reaching...stretching out as far as you can... You spin and spin... Finally you feel something and grab hold. Almost falling over, from the world spining around you, you try to catch your breath as you slow down and stop. Only to realize you don't have a tail?! All you have in your hand is your ass...
I have a purpose...I need guidance. Someone that sets me on the path of truth and not some pointless exercise to find out it meant nothing. I have had people tell me to "just show her who's boss!" "be the man and just dominate her!" I don't think that's what it's about...is it??? I think, and feel...after meeting all of you, that this about Giving, Trust, and Love... About Sharing, devotion, and Caring... Am I wrong??
Thank you all again for your responses, and BV I hope I didn't offend, with my mention of you in this thread... It was truly one of admiration. |
Buenaventura
Advanced Spanko
Username: Buenaventura
Post Number: 722
Registered: 04-2006
| | Posted on Sunday, July 29, 2007 - 11:41 am: |
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Naaah no problem mentioning me.(Oh and my arms and hands are made of steel)It doesn,t have to be real domination by the way it,s just part of the game.Most of the women in the den are very strong minded women that need the release of submission once in a while but in their every day lives tend to run the show. |
Cherrybrewer
New member
Username: Cherrybrewer
Post Number: 16
Registered: 07-2007
| | Posted on Sunday, July 29, 2007 - 09:46 pm: |
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BV...
I am so excited... It's happening!! We are actually discussing her "wants and needs" It is incredible! She began tonight. I told if she didn't you would come and see her(not really...)but, it's starting... I can feel it... She's explaining it...how cool!! This is gonna be so much fun!! |
Bratattitude
Junior Spanko
Username: Bratattitude
Post Number: 93
Registered: 10-2005
| | Posted on Monday, July 30, 2007 - 08:11 am: |
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Hey Cherry! That is great! So glad the lines of communication are open and beginning to work for ya!
Cheers! |
Buenaventura
Advanced Spanko
Username: Buenaventura
Post Number: 723
Registered: 04-2006
| | Posted on Monday, July 30, 2007 - 09:15 am: |
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That,s great Cherry!!Now enjoy the role! |
Weasel
Spanko
Username: Weasel
Post Number: 327
Registered: 06-2006
| | Posted on Monday, July 30, 2007 - 10:54 am: |
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Something she might be experiencing is the reluctance some girls have to "topping from the bottom". What that means is when the spankee is directing the spankers actions it changes the dynamics so the spankee feels as if they are "throwing a surprise party for themselves". This is how I felt with my former partner, a reluctant spanker at best. My new partner is much more interested in being the top, he hears my suggestions but still brings his own game when we can get together.
Google is your friend - honestly just type in what you want and see what comes up. I know Bethie doesn't want links to sites due to conflict of interest and I respect that but when I was searching for answers, I found this site and MANY others ala google. For example, type in "domestic discipline" "erotic spankings", "beginner spankings", "novice spanker" and so-on. You'll find tons of advice out there. Consider directing her to do this for you... with consequences if she fails to do so within a time frame... for starters. You sound like a great guy to be trying so hard to please your lady!
Some day you'll spank me... er thank me for this!
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Sassypants
New member
Username: Sassypants
Post Number: 3
Registered: 07-2007
| | Posted on Monday, July 30, 2007 - 07:49 pm: |
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I have to agree with Weasel....she might feel by directing the show, she is still in charge. When she tells you what to do or what she would like, it may take away from that desire she has for you to "take her in hand." Use your imagination...implements are available all over the house; especially the kitchen Don't keep talking about it, just do it. If she wants to play, then just jump in...you will learn to "swim" as you go. Once the initial ice is broken, you may find yourself wondering what took you so long to jump in. Good Luck |
Bratattitude
Junior Spanko
Username: Bratattitude
Post Number: 99
Registered: 10-2005
| | Posted on Monday, July 30, 2007 - 09:47 pm: |
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I'll back sassy on that one - don't just talk about it -- do it. There is nothing worse than being "talked to" about it -- at least not for me. Sometimes for me if he keeps telling me "I'm gonna spank you" and doesn;t I see it as what I can "idle threat" and it makes me worse. But thats another thread HA HA HA 
I have been in "topping for the bottom" situations and it it was very hard for me to slip into sub space. The next time she gives you reason to...tip her over and give her a good swat. She what she does and take your cue from there....
BTW _ in case I forgot to tell ya lately - you are really doing a great thing learning this for her -- and for YOU!!! All my best! |
Cherrybrewer
New member
Username: Cherrybrewer
Post Number: 17
Registered: 07-2007
| | Posted on Wednesday, August 01, 2007 - 05:54 am: |
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Imagine my confusion…
The woman I know is strong. She is very confident and capable. In real life, in the real world, there is no such thing as being “taken in hand” She would have to submit, no one could seriously dominate her; she wouldn’t allow it. She is very intelligent, has physical ability and prowess. So the concept of taking someone in hand is not a reality for this type of woman. Her submitting to, or going along with, instructions to go OTK, or even someone “physically” grabbing her, and her not putting you in a “hurt locker” would be an act of submission. PLEASE ADVISE…
When someone doesn’t “brat” or really do things that would lead up to a spanking, the term “just do it” is foreign, it doesn’t belong. So maybe the idea of it being discipline, in this situation, doesn’t apply as well, you can disregard. “It becomes wrestling with a twist”, where if you get her in the right position you get to take a “shot”, and get a slap or a swat in.
I have read many stories and RL accountings that have been posted here and other sites as well, and all of them involved the bottom, man or woman, submitting to and/or agreeing with the direction of the top. In these stories, there were “rules” and “consequences” there is also the “agreement” of the punishment/discipline. Talking to her “about it”, doesn’t happen. Maybe she just isn’t ready for me to do it? The others that she “plays with”; she has no trouble doing the things, playing the roles, going through the motions….
Can anyone imagine my confusion?? I know this is probably something very simple that I am misunderstanding, that comes easy for me. So can anyone shed light on that? Is this a topic for another thread?? |
Bratattitude
Spanko
Username: Bratattitude
Post Number: 103
Registered: 10-2005
| | Posted on Wednesday, August 01, 2007 - 09:53 am: |
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OK wait now I am the confused one.... in your above post to BV you say that you are talking about it and that it is actaully happening. Your post today seems like the communication is not happening again. I may be confused.
Are you trying to say she fights you about submitting to you? I get that she is a strong woman and normally in control. That could lead to her having a harder tie giving up control. But don;t forget she asked you for this. I ama very headstrong confident woman in the outside world. I have built a great business with my husband, sister and brother in law that affords me a life like I never imagined. But as strong and as confident as I am in that role, I need the thought of someoen else being in charge of me...esp. sometimes more than others. Maybe this is what she needs too.
B |
Tammynx
Moderator/Spanking Aficionado
Username: Tammynx
Post Number: 2269
Registered: 10-2005
| | Posted on Wednesday, August 01, 2007 - 10:30 am: |
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Cherry.....if I'm reading your post right....
Maybe she doesn't want this from you at all.
Do you feel like you are getting mixed signals from her??
Has she said why she can submit to others and not you??
It sounds like if this is something you BOTH really want....you need to communicate LOTS more. |
Weasel
Spanko
Username: Weasel
Post Number: 328
Registered: 06-2006
| | Posted on Wednesday, August 01, 2007 - 11:45 am: |
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You said she said you can play with "erotic spankings". What it seems like she is needing is "discipline spankings". She feels you can give her the erotic style but not the disciplinary style. I'm thinking it sounds like she wants more than she thinks you are capable of giving her. Get your feet wet with erotic spankings and learn more about discipline spankings as you go. Who knows, what you are unsure of now you may find greater confidence in as time goes on.
Some day you'll spank me... er thank me for this!
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Cherrybrewer
New member
Username: Cherrybrewer
Post Number: 18
Registered: 07-2007
| | Posted on Wednesday, August 01, 2007 - 12:17 pm: |
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First, Brat & Tam, I truly do appreciate your comments.
This lifestyle is something I am new to, it’s also relatively new to her. She has only been involved since about April or May. However, she confessed it is something she has always wanted. She has “friends” that she plays with now. Some, she travels many states to see. When she gets together with them, it is about discipline, making her a better person, accountability and the like. They are also friends; they hang out, go to dinner and such. She will spend the night and come home the next day.
Some of them she meets, they have a good time playing and it’s not so much about discipline, it’s more fun. Like wrestling with a twist; as I mentioned earlier. She has told some of her friends that she would never be “exclusive” and don’t know why she would stop looking and meeting new people and having fun.
Where I come in, I want to be involved, to do this for her, however I can. To understand all of it. She was very reluctant to even begin talking to me about it, because of the way I behaved before. Now that I have met (well, kinda’…) and talked about the lifestyle with folks like you it has helped me to understand what some of it is about, and what kind of person I’m NOT if I participate.
We began talking about what she wants; what she looks for and expects, we even played a little; like the wrestling thing… I was very excited about it, but I am certain my enthusiasm was premature. I don’t expect everything to be great in a week, by no means! I know it will take time. I’m willing to invest it however I need to. I can play as she needs me to, go as long as it takes, even different levels of severity. She has said that one of her friends told her she needs to find someone that take her to her “breaking point”. She has a very high threshold for pain and NEVER cries. I don’t know what that’s about, but I’m trying to learn… She wears them all out. I’m certain that would not be the case with me.
I do feel as though I get mixed signals, sometimes. I don’t think she can make that leap of me giving to her in a disciplinary role. We have talked about us being “partners in life”, that even age plays a role, we are only two years apart. However, she has stated that she would like for us to fumble through erotic spankings; because that is another area of this lifestyle she wants to explore.
I have no issues with whatever role I fit into. I just want to fit…to be involved… Am I looking at this skewed? Where is this leading?? |
Cherrybrewer
New member
Username: Cherrybrewer
Post Number: 19
Registered: 07-2007
| | Posted on Wednesday, August 01, 2007 - 12:21 pm: |
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Thank you to Weasel... |
Sassypants
New member
Username: Sassypants
Post Number: 4
Registered: 07-2007
| | Posted on Wednesday, August 01, 2007 - 04:24 pm: |
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It sounds to me like she is very excited about all of the opportunities in front of her. Almost like being in a clothing store and not knowing which piece fits the best. It sounds to me like she does not want you as a "disciplinarian"....it sounds more like she is looking for you to play with her in hopes that it leads to the erotic side for her. You mentioned that she wants to experience the erotic side of spanking exclusively with you. She may feel, as others have stated earlier, that submitting to you in a disciplinarian sense might emotionally ruin the relationship...in her mind...that you currently have. As far as "playmates" go....communication and trust are very important. Getting together with them is like getting together with old friends..only instead of watching the entire ballgame, she is getting spanked during the commercials. Dont expect your role with spanking her to be determined overnight...it takes time and patience.. As confused as you may be right now, you need to remember that she may be just as confused. Wanting to fit you into this new area of her life and not knowing how. Maybe she is afraid to open up too much because of your past reactions to spanking. There is a certain level of comfort to be had with someone who is "wired" this way as compared to someone that is ex-vanilla now wielding a large paddle ...she may have hesitation...time takes time, huh? Be patient and stop thinking you are doing everything wrong....we all had to start somewhere and everything that you think you "need to know"...you already know.
"Life is not a problem to be solved, but an adventure to be lived."
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Cherrybrewer
New member
Username: Cherrybrewer
Post Number: 20
Registered: 07-2007
| | Posted on Wednesday, August 01, 2007 - 04:39 pm: |
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Thank you Sassy...
That says a lot, and makes sense too... I just get confused sometimes, I'm only human... There are many new feelings that I am having, that I have never felt before, I am grateful for this site and all of its mambers that have helped me to try and understand without judgement.
Dreams are born in the heart,
Limits are only there because of your mind...
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Bratattitude
Spanko
Username: Bratattitude
Post Number: 104
Registered: 10-2005
| | Posted on Wednesday, August 01, 2007 - 04:52 pm: |
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The only thing I am worried about in all of this is you seem very into it and she does not seem open to you being in on it. Now this is just my opinion and I am not trying to make waves but does she communicate withyou that there is a spanking place for you in her life at all? I would think it would be hard for you, esp. since you are trying to do this so hard, I would think that it is hard to go watch her play with others. as long as you are cool with her playing with others it is one thing but what happens if that is all she ever wants to do? |
Sassypants
New member
Username: Sassypants
Post Number: 5
Registered: 07-2007
| | Posted on Wednesday, August 01, 2007 - 06:11 pm: |
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Okay, I have to let the cat out of the bag....I am Cherrybrewer's gal. I needed to respond to Bratattitudes post. And please, dont misconstrue what I am saying. I do not write out of anger. I want him in my life and I would like that life to include him spanking me. I cannot have him as a disciplinarian, it would not work...there is too much history with us(long story). I am deathly afraid to give him all of me when it comes to this. He reacted in a way when the subject was broached approximately 3-4yrs ago that made me think this was a subject that was forever taboo. Now, I recently brought the subject up to him again and told him that I want this in my life. He has made great strides to understand and try to be a part of it. It's wonderful. I have talked with him more about it, chatted to a potential spanker with him present; prompted him to spank me a couple of times; shared convesations with him that I have had with spankers; etc... I dont know what else to do at this point but to continue doing what I am doing. I am afraid of getting hurt again. This post probably does not belong here, but I think its important for people to get both sides. I do not wish to cause problems, and if I am a problem, I have no trouble leaving. I am not sending this with bitterness; I just think it is important for those of you who have been kind enough to help Cherrybrewer along(and please continue)to maybe hear things from my side as well. I have not figured out where this "new man" fits into the scheme of things as far as spanking goes. I love the idea of playing with him and that leading to "the bedroom". I cant seem to get him to understand that it will take me time to figure out where this fits into "our" life. I am just as confused as he is....I have been trying to post to his questions, hoping that something will sink in...Ah,I think I will stop there; I may have said too much.
"Life is not a problem to be solved, but an adventure to be lived."
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Cherrybrewer
New member
Username: Cherrybrewer
Post Number: 21
Registered: 07-2007
| | Posted on Wednesday, August 01, 2007 - 08:01 pm: |
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Wow...
Once again, I am amazed... Also a bit speachless. That was an explanation, worded so that even I can understand it.... I guess it is easier for words and feelings to be written sometimes, rather than spoken...
I hope all of you don't mind that I continue to be a part of this, and will continue to share with me; in case I ever get the opportunity to perform.
Dreams are born in the heart,
Limits are only there because of your mind...
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Neoserenity87
Spanko
Username: Neoserenity87
Post Number: 306
Registered: 10-2005
| | Posted on Thursday, September 06, 2007 - 03:15 pm: |
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all I have to say is that this man obviously cares for you a GREAT deal sassy. How bad can it be to give him a chance for discipline?? You don't have to give him EVERYTHING all at once.
It can't hurt to try....cherry is working SOOO hard to do this for you. I hope i'm not stepping out of line in saying that personally I would almost feel like you atleast owe it to him to try atleast once in light of all that he is doing for you. Hope this helps!
-from your friendly/bratty soldier
Naughty little soldiers are always caught shaking in their combat boots.
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