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Lilsoresub
New member
Username: Lilsoresub
Post Number: 13
Registered: 05-2007
| | Posted on Monday, June 04, 2007 - 03:37 pm: | 
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I would like to ask if any of you feel that there is a difference,if so, if you can explain the differences you think between a sensual spanking and a disciplinary spanking or perhaps its just all in good fun. Also, if you are dealing with a masochistic a/k/a pain lover how would you discipline them? |
Bethie
Moderator/Spanking Aficionado
Username: Bethie
Post Number: 1542
Registered: 04-2005
| | Posted on Monday, June 04, 2007 - 05:20 pm: |
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The difference is in the emotions involved. A sensual spanking is one done purely for enjoyment. A disciplinary spanking is one that is given when the people involved have previously agreed to a relationship that involves discipline. And for those serious about the discipline in their lives, it's not just all in good fun. If they're into "role-playing discipline" then it is for fun, but then that falls into the erotic side of spanking.
The way discipline is handled is soley between those involved. They may have set rules with certain consequences or just have a general understanding any behavior that displeases the disciplinarian will result in punishment. They may use regularly scheduled spankings as a way to maintain the power dynamic between them. Those are often referred to as maintenance spankings.
Some people don't have time or ability to give spankings as they're earned so they wait until a set time to handle it all at once. That's often handy when the people don't live together or close enough to engage in 24/7 discipline.
Now I'm going to be speaking from the bottom's point of view since that's what I know best.
The mind-set for these different types of spankings (erotic vs disciplinary) is what makes them so distinct for some people. A bottom who has agreed to discipline may be able to take a great deal of spanking when it's erotic, but when it's a discipline spanking may not be able to take nearly as much or enjoy it because of the feelings of guilt and disappointment involved. That's why discipline works for some people. For that person, it's about the emotions. The negative emotions that can be replaced by positive feelings of being cared for, having paid for one's mistakes, and given a chance to start over with a clean slate often are what makes this work. They may not really "enjoy" the experience and strive to avoid punishment, but when discipline is earned, it works for them so it's a positive part of their life.
Other people crave to be disciplined. Sometimes that person enjoys the entire exchange including the pain and other negative aspects of a discipline spanking. The positive aspects of discipline for them outweigh the desire to avoid it. It's the disciplinary experience that matters to them and spanking is part of that. Sometimes for them, the harder the better.
Some bottoms want to be scolded or engage in certain rituals (corner-time, enemas, writing lines, etc.) and put in a certain place mentally by these things.
We're all different so that's why the experience can be so different. Erotic and disciplinary spankings may even overlap for some people. No one explanation is going to cover all of the bases for us spankos.
As for masochists, disciplining one means getting into their head. It's not always about just spanking. Spanking is often mental as well as physical.
I hope that helps.  |
Otktime4sassy
New member
Username: Otktime4sassy
Post Number: 29
Registered: 05-2007
| | Posted on Monday, June 04, 2007 - 07:33 pm: |
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Bethie,
Wow!! I am of the OTK Disciplinary World and I have to tell you that you have explained the experience of a disciplinary spanking exceeding well!! Kudos to you!! I cannot comment on the erotica side because it just isn't a part of who I am but I am sure that you covered that well too. I will say that the enemas and such are also not a part of my world but the scolding, the authoritative presentation, the corner-time/floor-time/step-time, curfews, lost privleges and, of course, the spanking does set me free; does give me a clean slate and does help me to focus on how to be a more careful, thoughtful, stress-free person. I feel very cared for and about. Again, kudos to you!!  |
Lilsoresub
New member
Username: Lilsoresub
Post Number: 14
Registered: 05-2007
| | Posted on Tuesday, June 05, 2007 - 06:48 am: |
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Thank you Bethie for your insight. It does help me put some of my thoughts in a better perspective. You see I need to communicate better however i am the type that just won't communicate if I can not effectively get my ideas across (almost perfect.) The part of negitive emotions being replaced by positive feelings especially one of feeling cared for sums up a lot for me. |
Mfb
New member
Username: Mfb
Post Number: 15
Registered: 12-2006
| | Posted on Tuesday, June 05, 2007 - 07:05 am: |
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A disciplinary spanking for me is one that I really deserve and is given firmly yet lovingly by my wife. No aguing, just bend over and take the cane. Erotic spankings are across her knees and just as firm but in a pyscolocially different way. Either way I am left sore, but either chastised or aroused. |
Pinkcheeks
Supreme Spanko
Username: Pinkcheeks
Post Number: 1333
Registered: 12-2005
| | Posted on Tuesday, June 05, 2007 - 12:05 pm: |
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Excellent explanation Bethie!
"Do I have to be good ALL the time?"
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Bethie
Moderator/Spanking Aficionado
Username: Bethie
Post Number: 1552
Registered: 04-2005
| | Posted on Tuesday, June 05, 2007 - 08:07 pm: |
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Thanks. I try to be helpful when I can. I hope I haven't spent all these years experimenting, watching, learning, and being nosy for nothing. But then, I learn something new all the time so it's good for me.
I didn't say much about erotic spankings because it's really hard to explain it except to say, "it feels good."
For me, good erotic spankings are like good sex. Some days you just want a quickie, some days you need a long, slow buildup to an epic explosion of ecstasy and abandonment, and somedays you're somewhere in the middle.
And, in my figuring, bad erotic spankings are like bad sex. That's often characterized by not enough fore-play or buildup, not enough enthusiasm for the project, over too quickly or not soon enough, not hard enough, or sometimes worse, over the top banging, it can be painfully comfortable for any number of reasons, and then finally, little or no aftercare. That's not to say you won't get something out of it or learn from it, but it's just not as good as you'd like. But hey, at least you're getting some and now you have something to work with.
That said, erotic spanking experiences are as diverse as the people engaging in them. Some like to use it as foreplay, some just like to role-play, some like to have sex after and some don't, some don't do barebottom and some do, some like it private and some are exhibitionists, some only like it with one partner and some like multiple partners, some like it inside, some like it outside, some like it on the roof, and some don't enjoy it but their partner does and that's enough for them. Whew! And that's just a few examples.
The bottom line is, you do what works for you. What's erotic for you? You don't even have to know exactly. That's the beauty of life sometimes; you figure it out as you go along.
Oh yeah, and what you find good for you today, you might not feel that way about in a couple of weeks or in a couple of years. I used to be primarily into discipline and having strict doms. Then as I got older and had more experiences, I changed a bit.
Now I'm more into erotic spankings but that doesn't change Dan's role as Head of Household and dom. We've molded the lifestyle to fit our personalities. You take a little from here and there to help you along, but in the end, you do what suits you best. Our lifestyle choice includes a lot of erotic spankings and some discipline, but more importantly, it rests solidly on a foundation of love and our way of bringing his dominance and my submission into balance with each other. That's what works for us.
More confused than ever? Don't worry, if it were easy, everyone would do it and we'd have one answer to cover it all. And we'd eat rainbows for breakfast and shoot out skittles. Myself, I like the diversity...and the not shooting out candy thing.  |
Petergrimm
New member
Username: Petergrimm
Post Number: 21
Registered: 05-2007
| | Posted on Tuesday, June 05, 2007 - 08:09 pm: |
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As Bethie has pointed out, some people use spanking as both erotically and as dicipline with the difference noted by circumstance, attitude and emotions.
Early on, without much guidance, I figured that one would spoil the other - specifcally if spanking was used as dicipline, then that could bring negative baggage with it when I wanted erotic interplay and personally I found spanking purely erotic. Fortunately for me my wife does not want or emotionally need corporeal discipline, so it worked out.
You can see from above there are others that do not use spanking erotically for the very same reason - it would reduce the significance of a disciplinary spanking and they do not want or need spanking to be erotic... So it is very much each to their own.
This is what makes this so hard for those just finding their way - kinks are highly personal, throw in the often hard-to-determine needs and desires of a partner and you feel you are fumbling in the dark trying to find the light switch.
Everyone will tell you communicate communicate communicate; but that is hard too when the ideas you are trying to communicate are not even clear in your own head, and there is the very real and scary potential of squicking a lover so badly it could destroy the relationship.
The answer is to expose one's self to ideas so one's own desires and needs become clearer, and to foster a sense of exploration and adventure in your relationship so you can mutually explore these things without tanking the relationship. We started many years ago not with whips and chains but a basic D/s lifestyle which we justified then (not even knowning what D/s means) as a "Traditional" marriage like maybe my grandmother had LOL. And from there we fumbled around for the light switch and found silk scraves, rough sex, spanking, rope, and even whips occasionally. The light switch is still just out of reach.
I suggest also you read the many stories posted here - most give insight into the author's view on spanking. Just reading the contest stories will give you several examples of strictlty disciplinary spankings, purely erotic spankings and some that start one way yet clearly become the other. Investigate what seems hot and pushes your buttons. And if some scene does nothing for you? Well that does not mean you are "defective" or somehow less of a spanko.
Regards,
Peter Grimm |
Pinkcheeks
Supreme Spanko
Username: Pinkcheeks
Post Number: 1339
Registered: 12-2005
| | Posted on Wednesday, June 06, 2007 - 01:50 pm: |
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Bethie.....I think you should write a book (or a "beginner's guide!!!) I learn a lot from you, and from the people to frequent this site....ok enough  .......
Putting in my  a sensual spanking is long, slow, erotic and leads to awesome love-making. We don't really do true disciplinary spankings, but I will be OTK for a variety of things, and usually these spankings are accompanied by him telling me about something "naughty" I have done (backtalk, etc...). Like Bethie, we are more into the spankings that are fun, erotic, or playful. I think it depends on the mood, time, place, and choice of each couple that enjoys this lifestyle.
"Do I have to be good ALL the time?"
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