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Message |
    
Redbtmboy
New member
Username: Redbtmboy
Post Number: 3
Registered: 07-2005
| | Posted on Monday, July 18, 2005 - 08:38 pm: | 
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My vanilla wife has indulged me and my desire/need for spankings on an infrequent basis. I am fortunate that she has not been judgemental with regard to my interests; however, I have always needed to directly ask for a spanking to get her to indulge me. Does anyone have any thoughts about how I may drop the hint or get her to think about giving me a spanking without me coming straight out and asking for it? |
Biggirl
New member
Username: Biggirl
Post Number: 48
Registered: 05-2005
| | Posted on Monday, July 18, 2005 - 11:00 pm: |
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Redbtmboy:
Does your wife ever use an implement? If so you could leave it on her pillow on the bed. Even if she hasn't used an implement before you could use a hairbrush or maybe purchase something you would like her to use (If you want her to use an implement that is of course). She will know what it means most likely.
I detest asking for a spanking. It just......I
don't know....it is just not as good as when it just occurs "organicly"
Brightest Blessings,BigGirl |
Kennysspankee
New member
Username: Kennysspankee
Post Number: 30
Registered: 05-2005
| | Posted on Tuesday, July 19, 2005 - 05:02 am: |
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Have you seen the movie Secretary? At the end she threw a dead bug onto the freshly made bed, so she'd get a spanking when he got home from work. I went out and bought a big plastic bug and put it on his side of the bed, right where he first sits to get into bed. We had watched the movie together, so a big smile came on his face then the spanking commenced. |
Rocco
Spanko
Username: Rocco
Post Number: 371
Registered: 04-2005
| | Posted on Tuesday, July 19, 2005 - 02:32 pm: |
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My GF is the same way. I have to ask or at least hint at it. I think it's a comfort level issue. And as her comfort level grows I'm sure that will change.
I love the impliment idea Biggirl shared. Infact it was imploed during my last spanking, but the other way around. After a shower I opened the bathroom door to find the paddle hanging from the door knob. I knew what was going to happen then. Now I did tell her I could use a spanking in an email that morning, but that was the last thing said about it. Lets just say it was a good evening.
Just keep dropping hints, but watch her signals and read her well. Pushing too much will cause her to withdraw from the idea further. But that's just my experience talking. Everyone is different.
Nothing says I love you like a spanking
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Redbtmboy
New member
Username: Redbtmboy
Post Number: 4
Registered: 07-2005
| | Posted on Tuesday, July 19, 2005 - 06:09 pm: |
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Thanks for the suggestions. Like Rocco suggests, I have found that the more I push the issue the more she withdraws.
I keep all my toys in a shoebox and have tried leaving the shoebox out as a hint. Unfortunately she didn't pick up on it -- probably looked right past it and didn't associate it with anything.
I'll try leaving my paddle out. She won't miss that. |
Pagan
Junior Spanko
Username: Pagan
Post Number: 61
Registered: 05-2005
| | Posted on Tuesday, July 19, 2005 - 09:28 pm: |
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At the risk of being crass...have you tried Pavlovian-type training?
When we first started at this...I made very sure that every time my husband spanked me, that he subsequently had a DELIGHTFUL time.  We're into erotic spanking and not discipline, so he only spanks for foreplay (or fun). I made sure that if he spanked me, I rewarded him.
That may sound manipulative, but I didn't mean it that way. I just wanted to show him that since he made the effort to do something to please me, I was appreciative. And that I wanted to please him as well.
He used to sometimes spank me as a preliminary to sex. And I'd sometimes have to ask, which spoiled it for me. Now, I virtually always get spanked first, even if I say no.
Is there something that she enjoys that you could be doing for her? |
Kennysspankee
New member
Username: Kennysspankee
Post Number: 32
Registered: 05-2005
| | Posted on Wednesday, July 20, 2005 - 04:01 am: |
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Another nasty implement that requires next to no work for lots of pain is the ruler strap from The London Tanners. We have quite a few leather products from L.T. (no whips yet), and it is the most intense piece of leather. |
Fanny
Advanced Spanko
Username: Fanny
Post Number: 860
Registered: 05-2005
| | Posted on Wednesday, July 20, 2005 - 08:52 am: |
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Pagen, I have to laugh about your Pavlovian type training, because I am a "victim" of it. Actually, my husband was the one who was really into spanking, I had some mixed feelings about it. But after so many years of him getting so turned on by it, I respond. Now before, during and after any type of spanking, I automatically start to "salivate."
"Queen of Innocence"
If you can't be a good example, be a horrible warning!
"oooooo", she says!!
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Bendover
New member
Username: Bendover
Post Number: 48
Registered: 07-2005
| | Posted on Wednesday, July 20, 2005 - 07:00 pm: |
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What ever rings your "bell", Fanny... lol!
Down with pink panties!
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Fanny
Advanced Spanko
Username: Fanny
Post Number: 862
Registered: 05-2005
| | Posted on Wednesday, July 20, 2005 - 08:07 pm: |
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Damn straight, Ben. 
"Queen of Innocence"
If you can't be a good example, be a horrible warning!
"oooooo", she says!!
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Redbtmboy
New member
Username: Redbtmboy
Post Number: 5
Registered: 07-2005
| | Posted on Wednesday, July 20, 2005 - 08:19 pm: |
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Pagan -
I love your suggestion! And I would be more than happy to accomodate her. My mind naturally thinks more of the 'sexual favor' for her 'favor' which is something I am more than happy to provide. Sadly, with two young children and busy lives, we have found little time for our intimacy (yet another reason why I am craving more spankings).
I need to remember that she is a 'vanilla' and slowly embracing this while I have fantasized about spanking and being spanked since childhood. |
Pagan
Junior Spanko
Username: Pagan
Post Number: 62
Registered: 05-2005
| | Posted on Wednesday, July 20, 2005 - 09:06 pm: |
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I definitely meant sexual favours.  Find something that absolutely blows her mind - and make sure you do it after she spanks you.
It does take time for someone to get comfortable with this. Although we've been obsessing over this as long as we can remember...they haven't.
I told my hubby that I enjoyed being spanked as much as he enjoys bj's. He got that immediately. 
I think it's a fair analogy too - it's something he likes, and while I'm happy to give him pleasure, it's not like I'm having multiple orgasms doing it. Sorta like being a vanilla spanker.
I didn't push - but I made sure that he could see how er...enthusiastic I was afterwards. He also couldn't fail to notice that I went from 0 to 60 in half the time.
Over time, I got spanked more frequently...and a little harder. Then he started looking for implements.  Now he claims to enjoy it too - but whether he means the act, or my reaction, I'm not sure.
I also think that there's a fine line between asking for what we want and being too pushy. Most of us are always happy to get a longer, harder spanking. Well...that's great. But what vanilla wants to deliver a 30-45 minute spanking three times a week? I never wanted this to become a chore to be dreaded. Nor did I want it to become the price of admission.
And we have three young kids at home, so I get it.  |
Sweetbrat
New member
Username: Sweetbrat
Post Number: 8
Registered: 05-2005
| | Posted on Thursday, July 21, 2005 - 12:13 pm: |
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i think anyone with a vanilla spouse goes through this longing for spanking more often.
As has been said, we have to remember that thinking about spanking does NOT come naturally to them as it does to us. (i have a harder time trying NOT to think about it!)
As well, we need to know what theit thoughts are about it. My husband initially was absoluteley horrified and appalled by the idea that i WANTED to be spanked!
It has been over a year since i told him clearly that it was something i craved and wanted in my life.
There were times when he seemed to be learning and accepting this part of me, and growing comfortable with it.
At other times though, his attitude was full of anger, disgust, horror, revulsion etc. He would say things that were very hurtful and i would feel attacked. I never knew which way he would feel when. It was very confusing for me.
i now realize that he had a lot of inner conflict about the whole spanking thing..not wanting to hurt me, but also some unresolved anger at those who enjoy spanking/hurting someone younger and defenceless against them.
So it might help to talk about spanking with your spouse... find out how she feels and thinks about it... answer her concerns...try to give her your perspective about it.
As well, try to find out what HER sexual fantasies are.... and explore/act upon them. That could help her feel free to talk about what SHE needs/wants sexually as well. As you accept what is deep in her, it may free her to accept this in you.
Be patient. I know it's one of the hardest things to do. Give her time and space to get more comfortable. I needed to "back off" from talking about it, seeking it etc for a while (and pray for help)
If there are other things that your spouse enjoys, see if they can be compatible with spanking to make it more pleasurable for her. For example, my hubby enjoys listening to music with a beat... so... put on a CD of such music.. get out the toys... get over his knee... and let him "drum" spank to the beat.
Lots and Lots of positive reinforcement!!!!! Tell your spouse how much you enjoy it when she DOES spank you. Thank her. Hug her. Appreciate that she is doing it for you.
Communicate honestly and openly and LISTEN to her responses. If she is responsive verbally, watch her body language as well. Let her know that you would enjoy it more often, and that it would be wonderful to get a "surprise" spanking...that sometimes it can be really hard to ask for one.
there's my nickel's worth |
Rocco
Spanko
Username: Rocco
Post Number: 390
Registered: 04-2005
| | Posted on Friday, July 22, 2005 - 04:50 pm: |
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Bravo Sweetbrat! Patience, Positive Reinforcement, and Communication. That's what it's about and that is what will work. I know it has in my relationship.
Red, I know it can be hard to wait, and the times between spankings can seem to go on forever. But hang in there, stay in touch with your wife, where she is and how she's feeling about it. Soon she'll start to surprise you. Good times are coming.
Nothing says I love you like a spanking
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Sweetbrat
New member
Username: Sweetbrat
Post Number: 9
Registered: 05-2005
| | Posted on Saturday, July 23, 2005 - 01:14 pm: |
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Thanks Rocco for the encouraging words.
Patience is NOT easy.
I want spanked more NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!! |
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