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Meilong
New member
Username: Meilong
Post Number: 7
Registered: 05-2006
| | Posted on Tuesday, December 12, 2006 - 10:28 pm: | 
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Several people have referred to punishment spanking. Can we have a clear meaning of what is meant, please? Why? Because in my book punishment (whether by spanking or otherwise) is non-consensual. I cannot imagine anyone who contributes to this forum getting spanked against their will, without at least some form of consent.
I think that what a husband and wife do together has to be consensual even if the “punishment’ spanking is a hard and painful one.
Let me explain what I mean. I once by shear carelessness very expensively damaged our car. I had to admit I was completely to blame, completely guilty of a foolish act. My husband was very angry and went for a walk to think over what to do. I was very nervous, but accepted the fact that I deserved punishment. When he came home I asked him what he was going to do. He said he had decided on two things. He then said he was going to take me to bed and make passionate love to me to show that he loved me. I was so relieved. We cuddled (very intimately!) and then he led me upstairs. We got half-way there when I remembered he had said he was going to do two things. I asked him what the other thing was. He smiled and calmly said, “Oh, didn’t I say?” Then he added, “I’m going to spank you.”
I got my spanking, and it was a real punishment spanking. It hurt a great deal and my bottom was very sore when he finished. But I had put myself over his knee willingly, with complete consent, acknowledging I was guilty and deserved to be punished. It was a painful experience, but it was still part of our foreplay. I got the passionate lovemaking afterward. I was pleased to find that even a severe spanking aroused me. The passionate lovemaking that followed was equally consensual.
But had the punishment not been followed by lovemaking then the spanking would have been a punishment spanking proper. It would amount to cruelty. A punishment and a severe spanking are not necessarily the same. |
Admin
Board Administrator
Username: Admin
Post Number: 76
Registered: 03-2005
| | Posted on Wednesday, December 13, 2006 - 01:49 am: |
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Meilong, no one here is speaking of non-consensual spankings when they refer to punishment spankings in their relationships. We don't allow discussion of non-consensual activities here.
When the spankos here refer to punishment spankings, they have formed a relationship with their spanking partner in which rules, boundaries, and consequences have already been established. Therefore, when they give or receive a punishment spanking, it is something that has been previously discussed and consented to as part of their relationship. It is a part of their spanking relationship and not an act of cruelty.
How every couple works out the details of their relationship is their business and whether lovemaking is part of it is their choice. I know some couples who participate in DD (domestic discipline) don't believe discipline and sex should be mixed together and that is their choice.
Please be careful here not to judge what other spankos do in their relationships. We try to keep things friendly here. |
Meilong
New member
Username: Meilong
Post Number: 8
Registered: 05-2006
| | Posted on Wednesday, December 13, 2006 - 04:09 am: |
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I was making no attempt to judge, and I was trying to keep things friendly. |
Fanny
Moderator/Spanking Aficionado
Username: Fanny
Post Number: 3016
Registered: 05-2005
| | Posted on Wednesday, December 13, 2006 - 01:43 pm: |
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Meilong, If I am reading your post correctly, you did not in fact consent to that spanking. You accepted it because you felt you needed to. That is not consent but surrender.
As is stated above, "punishment" spanking is an agreed upon MUTUALLY ACCEPTABLE activity. Anyone who is not a mature adult in full sober capacity and understanding EXACTLY what is going on should ever be spanked.
What you described is a common misconception of the spanking lifestyle, and anyone who does not understand or believe in it, should clearly stay away from the lifestyle and at the very least be courteous to others who believe differently.
On a side note, would you go on a gay site (for example)and state that you do not understand how homosexual people live their lifestyle? This site is for those who understand and are comfortable with their choices and I do emphasize CHOICES.
Queen of Innocence
"Well behaved woman rarely make history"
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Wolfie
Supreme Spanko
Username: Wolfie
Post Number: 1862
Registered: 04-2005
| | Posted on Wednesday, December 13, 2006 - 02:32 pm: |
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My Dom and I talked about disciplinary spankings for quite a while before we decided to incorporate them into our relationship. He would NEVER spank me against my will. Any punishment I receive is agreed to before anything happens, it's fair and I get lots of love and forgiveness afterwards. I am never left feeling unhappy about the spanking he gave me, or unsure that I am forgiven for what I have done.
Our punishments are short and to the point...and thankfully over very quickly. I've never regretted agreeing to discipline, it was lacking in my life and I wanted it. I love that he cares enough to spank me for misbehavior, even though I dont enjoy it at the time. 
If you live to be a hundred, I want to live to be a hundred minus one day, so I never have to live without you.
Grow old with me, the best is yet to be.
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Blushingbride
New member
Username: Blushingbride
Post Number: 41
Registered: 10-2006
| | Posted on Wednesday, December 13, 2006 - 05:05 pm: |
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I would say that the way we differentiate betweeen punnishment spankings and erotic spankings in our house, is the purpose behind it for us.
A punnishment spanking is something that we have worked out to be a way for us to deal with something I have done or said.  Without it I feel guilty for days and can not let things go easily. With it, I get back to my happy self much faster. I do agree to it, both ahead of the situation coming up, and at the time. It doesn't come up often, thankfully, but I wouldn't be nearly as happy or calm as if it didn't.
An erotic spanking is for the purpose of foreplay, plain and simple.  |
Meilong
New member
Username: Meilong
Post Number: 9
Registered: 05-2006
| | Posted on Wednesday, December 13, 2006 - 06:49 pm: |
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Dammit, folks, there is nothing that has been said here that I do not agree with entirely.
I started off my comments with, “Several people have referred to punishment spanking. Can we have a clear meaning of what is meant, please?” This has now been made clear, and I agree with your definition. I now understand what you mean by a punishment spanking. I just wanted to get it clear that there is a difference between what you call a punishment spanking and the sort that Michael Faye received, viz completely non-consensual. As ADMIN said, “No one here is speaking of non-consensual spankings when they refer to punishment spankings in their relationships,” That is exactly what I was trying to say. |
Admin
Board Administrator
Username: Admin
Post Number: 77
Registered: 03-2005
| | Posted on Wednesday, December 13, 2006 - 08:41 pm: |
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Meilong, you made some comments that some of us disagreed with rather strongly. This is a spanking forum that deals only with consensual adult activities, we will not discuss the sort of non-consensual punishment you just now brought up (Faye). That sort of discussion does not belong on this forum and it never occurred to us that is what you were talking about. So when you began your post equating punishment spankings with non-consensual spankings, we were responding in the context that spankings are discussed here; as an adult safe, sane, and consensual activity.
When you stated, "Because in my book punishment (whether by spanking or otherwise) is non-consensual." We were just trying to explain why punishment is consensual in some of our lifestyle choices.
Also, you said, "But had the punishment not been followed by lovemaking then the spanking would have been a punishment spanking proper. It would amount to cruelty." That was a comment that we needed to discuss because none of us consider what we do as "cruel" in any way. We can't allow that sort of generalization left uncontested on this forum. Besides, not all spankings are followed by lovemaking as I already explained.
And do not curse at us for answering your question or replying to your post, that is totally unacceptable. You're on a discussion board and if you can't handle the commments after making such sweeping generalizations, you shouldn't be here. |
Fanny
Moderator/Spanking Aficionado
Username: Fanny
Post Number: 3017
Registered: 05-2005
| | Posted on Wednesday, December 13, 2006 - 09:42 pm: |
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Meilong, It appears to me that you may have some anger/hostility issues that might need to be resolved. I base this on your choice of wording. Please stay away from spankings until you feel comfortable within yourself.
Queen of Innocence
"Well behaved woman rarely make history"
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Prissietl
Junior Spanko
Username: Prissietl
Post Number: 88
Registered: 07-2006
| | Posted on Thursday, December 14, 2006 - 07:42 am: |
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Call me dumb if you want, ........but who is Michale Faye????? Did i miss something?
Once a princess always a princess
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Wolfie
Supreme Spanko
Username: Wolfie
Post Number: 1869
Registered: 04-2005
| | Posted on Thursday, December 14, 2006 - 11:15 am: |
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I'm not positive, but I think he's the young American who was caned for bad behavior while visiting Hong Kong? 
If you live to be a hundred, I want to live to be a hundred minus one day, so I never have to live without you.
Grow old with me, the best is yet to be.
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Tammynx
Moderator/Spanking Aficionado
Username: Tammynx
Post Number: 1582
Registered: 10-2005
| | Posted on Thursday, December 14, 2006 - 03:57 pm: |
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Yep thats what I was thinking too.
But I don't think he was the point Bethie was trying to make Prissietl. |
Prissietl
Junior Spanko
Username: Prissietl
Post Number: 89
Registered: 07-2006
| | Posted on Thursday, December 14, 2006 - 04:44 pm: |
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OK I remember him now.
Once a princess always a princess
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Obedientleah
New member
Username: Obedientleah
Post Number: 1
Registered: 12-2006
| | Posted on Friday, December 22, 2006 - 01:14 am: |
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For some reason my registration (I guess it was too old) got messed up, I haven't posted here in some time but I wanted to give my opinion on the subject, for us it's consentual non-consent, if that makes any sense. To me when I took my wedding vows of obedience it meant in all things, and that's when I gave my consent. Therefor I accept all punishments/discipline/or/just because spankings as my duty as an obedient wife. Now please do not judge me, it's just how I feel about the subject.
Leah |
Shylah
Moderator/Spanking Aficionado
Username: Shylah
Post Number: 1584
Registered: 10-2005
| | Posted on Friday, December 22, 2006 - 04:10 pm: |
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Leah, the point of this forum is the freedom to be ourselves and not be judged.
You have decided how you want to live your lifestyle and on this forum it is respected.
Take my heart and soul. But please don't step on it, it breaks easily.
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Obedientleah
New member
Username: Obedientleah
Post Number: 5
Registered: 12-2006
| | Posted on Saturday, December 23, 2006 - 12:47 am: |
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Thank you so much Shylah for saying that.
Leah |
Wilson
New member
Username: Wilson
Post Number: 17
Registered: 10-2006
| | Posted on Sunday, December 24, 2006 - 07:00 am: |
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In our house we have set rules for the good of the individual and the home. When violations occur we have already concented to the punishment, via, our committment to each other.
Even if we don't think it is fair at the time, we talk it over. We never change the verdict, but it does let us communicate freely. Punishment is never pleasent at the time it happens, but the result is a much better relationship.
Our home is much better for it.  }
We still do erotic paddling, sometimes for maintenance, and those can be....let's say erotic!
Good spankings are SUPPOSED to hurt !
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