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Coconutgirl
New member
Username: Coconutgirl
Post Number: 1
Registered: 09-2006
| | Posted on Tuesday, September 19, 2006 - 05:10 pm: | 
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My husband is very tender and careful. We are very new to spanking. (This was our second time). But, yesterday, I was positioned not quite right, over his knee, and my tailbone was injured. He felt terrible. It was a discipline spanking as well, which is more difficult for him. My tailbone is injured quite badly. I know it was a mistake, an accident. But, he has said he will never spank again, he will never raise his hand to me again. He can't bear that he hurt me.
Has something like this happened to anybody here, and if so, how did you get past it? |
Atomicpuppy
Spanko
Username: Atomicpuppy
Post Number: 135
Registered: 08-2006
| | Posted on Tuesday, September 19, 2006 - 05:43 pm: |
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I'm sure most,if not all,people have got hurt,injured,etc somehow when getting spanked especially at the beginning.
To make sure it doesn't happen again it's probably best to do some research on the subject(http://www.sexuality.org/l/bdsm/spanking.html). Found this article interesting.
You might need to re-assure him that he is not to blame.Once you are over your accident start again,but maybe a fun/erotic spanking.Something brief that still excites you,but doesn't last long.Once successful both of you will feel better.Then take it from there.
Don't give up,practice makes perfect.Good luck. |
Fanny
Moderator/Spanking Aficionado
Username: Fanny
Post Number: 2716
Registered: 05-2005
| | Posted on Tuesday, September 19, 2006 - 05:44 pm: |
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Coconutgirl, I think something like this has happened to a lot of people especially while learning. This is why it is suggested to read up on the subject before you begin.
In what way are you injured exactly? Do you require medical treatment?
I takes time to get past a situation like this. Make sure you heal properly before you attempt anything else.
After the initial shock is past and you are healed, you might try asking your husband for a playful spanking after you research positioning and safety. If he feels like he is better informed it will give him more confidence. Start slowly ahd very carefully. It would probably be a good idea to keep things light for awhile. Within time, things should fall back into place, but be grateful that you have a husband who cares so much.
He is probably much more upset about it than you are. I hope you heal quickly
Queen of Innocence
"Well behaved woman rarely make history"
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Fanny
Moderator/Spanking Aficionado
Username: Fanny
Post Number: 2717
Registered: 05-2005
| | Posted on Tuesday, September 19, 2006 - 05:46 pm: |
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There you have it, two opinions that agree posted at the same time.
Queen of Innocence
"Well behaved woman rarely make history"
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Atomicpuppy
Spanko
Username: Atomicpuppy
Post Number: 136
Registered: 08-2006
| | Posted on Tuesday, September 19, 2006 - 05:52 pm: |
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great minds Fanny.Just seen your post.At the same time,WOW. |
Fanny
Moderator/Spanking Aficionado
Username: Fanny
Post Number: 2718
Registered: 05-2005
| | Posted on Tuesday, September 19, 2006 - 05:57 pm: |
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Coconutgirl, let us know how you are doing or you can PM me at anytime using my profile page.
Queen of Innocence
"Well behaved woman rarely make history"
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Coconutgirl
New member
Username: Coconutgirl
Post Number: 2
Registered: 09-2006
| | Posted on Wednesday, September 20, 2006 - 12:39 pm: |
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Hi,
Thank you for your responses. My tailbone was broken. And, yes, he feels totally devastated that he injured me, it has spooked him. He loves me very much and is having a hard time coming to grips that he hurt 'His Only Love', as he refers to me. My tailbone hurts terribly, but what hurts most is seeing what he is going through. |
Fanny
Moderator/Spanking Aficionado
Username: Fanny
Post Number: 2720
Registered: 05-2005
| | Posted on Wednesday, September 20, 2006 - 01:23 pm: |
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Sorry to hear about the severity of the injury. How is this treated?
I have to admit that when a broken bone is involved, it does send up red flags. Do you have a safe word to use? Are you a fragile boned girl? You will need to take more care if you decide to continue a spanking relationship.
Queen of Innocence
"Well behaved woman rarely make history"
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Pinkcheeks
Advanced Spanko
Username: Pinkcheeks
Post Number: 848
Registered: 12-2005
| | Posted on Wednesday, September 20, 2006 - 01:27 pm: |
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I think it might be best to put the spankings on hold for a bit - especially with a broken tailbone. It is going to take your husband awhile to get over the feeling of having "hurt" you. What he needs is lots of love and reassurance from you. May I ask how this happened? I know you were OTK, but was he using an implement or just his hand?
Fanny and Atomicpuppy gave some good advice - but now that you have sustained a serious injury, it is important to do a lot of communicating and lots of reading/research about the spanking lifestyle. He sounds like a very caring man - and since this was only your second spanking, it might be wise to start with light play spankings....Also, do you have a safe word?
"Do I have to be good ALL the time?"
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Katie_spades
Advanced Spanko
Username: Katie_spades
Post Number: 696
Registered: 11-2005
| | Posted on Wednesday, September 20, 2006 - 02:17 pm: |
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I agree with what has been said here. Some really great advice has been stated! Definitely want until you are fully healed to do anything and please let us know how you are doing and feel. A broken tailbone my god! That is serious!
Please do take care of yourself! Rest and when up to it, if you decide, listen to PC - that is great advice about the light spankings and the safe word.
The Princess of Spanking™
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Coconutgirl
New member
Username: Coconutgirl
Post Number: 3
Registered: 09-2006
| | Posted on Wednesday, September 20, 2006 - 04:10 pm: |
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Yes, my tailbone was broken. Actually, the bottom part of it snapped off. The doctor said that in women, tailbone injuries are more common because our pelvis is wider, thus exposing the tailbone more easily.
I am very petite. I have very little padding, so to speak. We have realized, my position had shifted as I was moving around a lot, and he smacked the center rather than an individual cheek. He was using a leather paddle. It apparently didn't take much to snap it, because he wasn't hitting full force or anything like that. It has shocked us both.
The only treatment is ice, pain relievers, and rest. Leaning forward when I sit to remove pressure from the tailbone, etc. It is miserable for me, but moreso for him.
He originally wanted to have a safe word, but I KNOW myself. I knew I would use it just to control the situation and get him to stop once I felt uncomfortable. So I refused it. Mistake.
Always have a safe word.
Thanks for your advice and help. |
Fanny
Moderator/Spanking Aficionado
Username: Fanny
Post Number: 2723
Registered: 05-2005
| | Posted on Wednesday, September 20, 2006 - 04:15 pm: |
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Coconutgirl, That is what a safe word is all about. When you pass your level of comfort, use it. Within time your tolerance may go up and you will find the need to use it less often.
What did you tell your doctor about how this happened?
Queen of Innocence
"Well behaved woman rarely make history"
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Coconutgirl
New member
Username: Coconutgirl
Post Number: 4
Registered: 09-2006
| | Posted on Thursday, September 21, 2006 - 12:37 pm: |
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I told him I was was standing on a chair and stepped off wrong and landed on my tailbone. I was very nervous about possibly getting my husband in trouble, for something that we both consented to. If the doctor questioned it, he didn't let on. I should have gone to the doctor as soon as it happened, but was just so afraid of getting him in any kind of legal trouble. |
Pinkcheeks
Advanced Spanko
Username: Pinkcheeks
Post Number: 852
Registered: 12-2005
| | Posted on Thursday, September 21, 2006 - 02:00 pm: |
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You poor thing! Are you feeling any better? How is your hubby doing now? I am sure that once this incident is in the past, you both can experiment again with spanking - playfully, erotically, then advance at a pace you two are comfortable with.
Hope you are healing well 
"Do I have to be good ALL the time?"
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Ladygator2904
Spanko
Username: Ladygator2904
Post Number: 269
Registered: 03-2006
| | Posted on Thursday, September 21, 2006 - 06:02 pm: |
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Hugs to you coconut girl, such a shame! I will say a prayer that you heal real soon and get back to the lifestyle.... gently of course 
A woman`s heart may be filled with an ocean of secrets but mine have all been released and I have a sore bottom to prove it!
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Katie_spades
Advanced Spanko
Username: Katie_spades
Post Number: 700
Registered: 11-2005
| | Posted on Thursday, September 21, 2006 - 06:23 pm: |
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I'm with Fanny - I want to know what you told the Doctor... more importantly how are you feeling? You poor thing.
The Princess of Spanking™
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Coconutgirl
New member
Username: Coconutgirl
Post Number: 5
Registered: 09-2006
| | Posted on Friday, September 22, 2006 - 11:08 am: |
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Hi,
Thank you for your concern. I am doing ok, just in a heck of a lot of pain. This is not something I would wish on my worst enemy, not even my husband's ex wife!
My husband still feels terrible, although we did agree that once his emotions aren't so raw we will discuss this again, how to proceed with more caution, safe words, etc., so that we both feel comfortable. He feels just terrible about it. He would never hurt me and the thought that he did tears him apart. When I had to tell him that the tailbone had actually snapped off, that dug the pain in, but I had agreed to tell him honestly how I was feeling, and what the doctor said. I know that with using a paddle, that he couldn't gauge the strength of hit hits, although he wasn't using full force. But, we are very new beginners to this and still learning. Combine that with how petite I am, the positioning moved, etc., and it was just a bad recipe. I really think that when he comes to terms with his pain, we will be fine to continue on the path we have chosen. I keep reassuring him that I trust him even more so now after seeing his reaction. I know that in the future, safety and caution will be at the forefront of our minds. |
Bethie
Moderator/Spanking Aficionado
Username: Bethie
Post Number: 1130
Registered: 04-2005
| | Posted on Friday, September 22, 2006 - 03:31 pm: |
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Coconutgirl, you must be very careful for the next couple of months since your tailbone has been broken and is dislocated. Your tailbone is made up of segments and if you've dislocated the tip, it could be some time before you can resume normal activities. I've known two women in my lifetime who have injured their coccyx and the recovery time for both was several weeks, and theirs weren't dislocated like yours is. What did your doctor say he expected the likely outcome of your injury to be?
I'm a little concerned that if this injury occured when you were only using a leather paddle in the otk position, that you might have some bone softening. I'm sure your doctor wasn't concerned about this as you told him you fell off a chair and landed on your tailbone, that's a reasonable amount of force needed to cause such an injury. That would have been all of your weight landing on your tailbone and no matter how small you are, as an adult, that's a reasonable amount of force. I understand why you were hesitant to tell him what really happened (one overzealous healthcare worker and your hubby is in jail and you're in a safehouse), but without proper information, your doctor can't evaluate you properly.
Be extremely cautious for the next few weeks and go at your own pace. When you are ready to give spanking another chance, decide on a safe word and start out with handspanking. You can work your way up to implements later. And never ever play without a safe word. If nothing else, your story has shown by example that toughing it out past your comfort zone can lead to serious problems. It's not topping from the bottom when you have a real problem and need to stop the spanking.
Take care of yourself and buy one of those nice donut pillows. They really do help! |
Fanny
Moderator/Spanking Aficionado
Username: Fanny
Post Number: 2727
Registered: 05-2005
| | Posted on Friday, September 22, 2006 - 03:52 pm: |
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Bethie, I am glad you brought the bone softening up. Osteoporosis can begin early especially in a slight framed woman. It might be worth having a bone scan done, so treatment can begin early.
I am not saying this is a definte problem with Coconutgirl, but anyone who breaks a bone easily should be checked into.
Queen of Innocence
"Well behaved woman rarely make history"
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Pinkcheeks
Advanced Spanko
Username: Pinkcheeks
Post Number: 858
Registered: 12-2005
| | Posted on Friday, September 22, 2006 - 05:09 pm: |
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Excellent advice from both Bethie and Fanny - I never thought of "soft bones" - Coconutgirl, are you taking calcium? It might help.
Hope you are feeling better ---
"Do I have to be good ALL the time?"
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Katie_spades
Advanced Spanko
Username: Katie_spades
Post Number: 703
Registered: 11-2005
| | Posted on Friday, September 22, 2006 - 07:46 pm: |
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Absolutely excellent advice from Bethie, Fanny, and Pinkcheeks. That is certainly something to consider, and if you don't take calcium, as PC suggested, try viactiv. They have them in all flavors - my favorites are the chocolate and the caramel. Good stuff and good for you!
Take care! Eat well and rest up!
Kate
The Princess of Spanking™
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Fanny
Moderator/Spanking Aficionado
Username: Fanny
Post Number: 2729
Registered: 05-2005
| | Posted on Friday, September 22, 2006 - 09:46 pm: |
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Just to add a complication to this situation, I suggest you speak with a doctor or nutritionist before you start any supliments. It is possible that you are getting enough calcium, but hormonal changes can keep it from being properly absorbed. Perimenopause can start up to 10 years before menopause and result in hormonal changes. Also any improper balance of suppliments can result in diminishing the absorbtion of any suppliment.
Katie, I know you are being helpful, but it is not a good idea to recommend any particular suppliment over another. The Den cannot be held responsible for giving "medical" advice. Also we are not an advertisement agency.
Queen of Innocence
"Well behaved woman rarely make history"
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Coconutgirl
New member
Username: Coconutgirl
Post Number: 6
Registered: 09-2006
| | Posted on Friday, September 22, 2006 - 11:28 pm: |
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Actually, my doctor does watch me for my bones. I am 41, but had a total hysterectomy at the age of 27. I have not been able to tolerate hormones, so I have been without them for 14 years. My bones do break easily.
My prognosis is questionable right now. It depends on healing. We will reevaluate in a month or so. Since the part that snapped off has been pushed off to the right side, actually sitting up and next to the part that is still attatched, my doctor may have to surgically remove the part that snapped off. Right now, it is just plain miserable. I can't handle sitting on the donut pillows. I have to sit on a phone book with my tailbone part hanging over it. Sleeping on my tummy with a pillow under my hips, not standing for long, and walking very carefully. It also causes the rest of the muscles in my back to spasm.
I agree with all of the advice here about safe words. It is so important.
My husband would never hurt me for anything in the world. He is one of those rare types who is a complete tender gentleman... he lifts my hair as he helps me with my wrap, then gently lets my hair fall, opens doors, always wants the softest fabrics next to my skin as I sleep... he treats me like a queen. This has just about destroyed him.
We got into this because we wanted to have a more traditional marriage, completely defined roles, discipline when needed - (I am a very head strong and stubborn woman). We researched together, studied, and thought we were ready. He really wanted the safe word, but I just felt I would use it to get out of it, if you know what I mean. As soon as I told him that I couldn't take it, that something hurt, he stopped RIGHT then. But, I got very angry... it had to stop at that point where emotions were arising, and I was left with anger. I was also in pain and that made me angry. I verbalized it to him, which only made matters worse. We didn't know at that time how badly I was hurt... and when we found out...oh.. what it did to his spirit. He said he understand the anger I expressed at the time, and doesn't want me to help him feel better. He said he hurt the woman he loves.. and he has to find a way to live with that. Seeing me in such pain doesn't help.
I hope anybody that reads or hears of my story will ALWAYS have a safe word, no matter how much they have studied and researched.
My husband and I will be ok, as we have talked and talked about our feelings. We are united, but he has his demons to live with now.
Mistakes can happen, and they can happen very quickly, no matter how careful you are trying to be. Thanks again to all of you for your support and advice. It is very much appreciated. |
Katie_spades
Advanced Spanko
Username: Katie_spades
Post Number: 712
Registered: 11-2005
| | Posted on Saturday, September 23, 2006 - 03:08 am: |
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God Coconut, my thoughts and sympathies are with both you and your husband. I hope you are on the way to a speedy recovery but I know a broken tailbone is a long one. It really is terrible. God you do sound miserable hun.
And the fact that you break bones so easily due to the hysterectomy is sad as well. My thoughts are with you hun. Keep us updated on your progress.
xoxo,
Kate
The Princess of Spanking™
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Fanny
Moderator/Spanking Aficionado
Username: Fanny
Post Number: 2731
Registered: 05-2005
| | Posted on Saturday, September 23, 2006 - 11:11 am: |
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coconutgirl, an early complete hysterectomy is one of the leading causes of fragile bones. I am glad you are being monitored, but am concerned that you may not ever be able to spank at a level that you did that night.
We have to accept that some medical conditions have to restrict certain activities.
For example, I have leukemia and have to take great care in not bruising, so my husband has learned the proper way to spank and not to leave any bruises at all.
Queen of Innocence
"Well behaved woman rarely make history"
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Pinkcheeks
Advanced Spanko
Username: Pinkcheeks
Post Number: 862
Registered: 12-2005
| | Posted on Sunday, September 24, 2006 - 02:27 pm: |
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I am sure you and your hubby have a wonderful relationship - and this accident must be weighing very heavily on him.  I also had a TAH and waited almost 3 months before hubby and I started spanking again (and it began slow and easy). I don't take HRT, and its important to be closely monitored by a doctor.
I feel so bad for you Coconut girl! Fanny is right - you might not be able to spank at the level you hope to.....you might now have restrictions. Do take care of you - and this was such an unfortunate incident - One that ALL of us can learn from.
"Do I have to be good ALL the time?"
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Shayshay
New member
Username: Shayshay
Post Number: 6
Registered: 09-2006
| | Posted on Friday, September 29, 2006 - 08:30 pm: |
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Hello coconut,
Some advise from the new girl.....I am a rad tech, have you had a dexa scan? If so what was your score if you do not mind. There are great meds out there for osteo that will help with your bone density. You just have to read up on them due to the side effects. I agree with Fanny too... You may have to watch you spankings very carfully, one you break a tailbone it really does not heal it self properly like other bones, There is no setting that back to place like a leg or arm. I have many patients who come in and have fallen or tripped and can't belive that they have a broken tail bone, and it has been broken for months. Just take care and watch those bones, try more twards the bottom of your behind near you legs
Soothe my soul so it will heal; light the way so I might learn. Warm my heart so I’ll know love; empower me to serve.
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Coconutgirl
New member
Username: Coconutgirl
Post Number: 7
Registered: 09-2006
| | Posted on Sunday, December 17, 2006 - 09:46 pm: |
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Hi all,
I wanted to give you all an update. Things have been pretty quiet on the spanking front as I have been healing. I have healed, and during the healing process we have done a lot of talking. We've discussed the need for safewords, what went wrong, etc. I honestly didn't think he'd EVER be able to spank again, but he's been dipping a toe in, so to speak. He's given little playful pats, made little playful comments about spanking, etc.
Our time is coming again, and we are eager to CAREFULLY step back in. Thanks to all of you for your wonderful advice and suggestions. Besides being empathetic to me, you also really helped me to see things from his perspective... how he was feeling. I can't thank you enough. I am so glad this forum is here. |
Wolfie
Supreme Spanko
Username: Wolfie
Post Number: 1884
Registered: 04-2005
| | Posted on Sunday, December 17, 2006 - 11:07 pm: |
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Coconutgirl, my heart goes out to you. Ive never heard of anyone actually breaking their tailbone like this, although your explanation of how this has come about clears things up considerably. Your poor husband! No one wants to hurt the one they love like that, especially when they are spanking out of love. I'm glad your healing and planning on using a safeword from now on.
One thought...perhaps you should never use an implement as heavy as your husband's hand, unless he's being very gentle? There are lots of other implements that can be used VERY effectively...ruler, lightweight hairbrush, wooden spoon, plastic spatula, bamboo birch or loopy johnny. Even a switch. These toys sting like mad, but very little effort or pressure is needed to "get the point across". Your always going to need to be careful with spanking from now on, but this may help you to get the discipline you need without endangering yourself.
If you live to be a hundred, I want to live to be a hundred minus one day, so I never have to live without you.
Grow old with me, the best is yet to be.
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Pinkcheeks
Supreme Spanko
Username: Pinkcheeks
Post Number: 1029
Registered: 12-2005
| | Posted on Monday, December 18, 2006 - 10:18 am: |
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Hi Coconutgirl Glad to hear you have healed, and that you and hubby have been doing lots of talking - that is so important when a couple wants to incorporate spanking into their lifestyle. Take care and join us in conversation whenever you can! 
"Do I have to be good ALL the time?"
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K9oclast
New member
Username: K9oclast
Post Number: 2
Registered: 12-2006
| | Posted on Thursday, December 21, 2006 - 09:11 am: |
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To the point of what your husband is feeling, you know the saying "this is going to hurt me more than it hurts you"? That's what he's going through. You can convince him that it is exactly that sense of responsibility that qualifies him to discipline you. When you get better, and you're ready, he may not yet be. Appreciate that for what it is. |
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