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Ladygator2904
Spanko
Username: Ladygator2904
Post Number: 229
Registered: 03-2006
| | Posted on Saturday, July 29, 2006 - 05:43 am: | 
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Strong question huh? By this I mean: I find the spanking incredibly erotic. Doesnt matter if it is punishment or gg. My Mr. doesnt find it erotic or at least doesnt follow up with sex. I have such mixed emotions on the matter. It leaves me feeling like I really, really missed out on something. He takes me through the spanking to a highly erotic state and then its over! I have talked to him about this but he really isn`t much of a sexual person (spanking or not). I have been contenplating doing without the spankings just so that I dont have that let down of "Oh my God, I really want to make mad passionate love to you now but you will just say no". Whats your opinion on the matter. My den reading is slowing down as it simply makes me too arroused and him not. Wrong partner? Well, I love him a lot and have been married for a few yrs now. Thanks
A woman`s heart may be filled with an ocean of secrets but mine have all been released and I have a sore bottom to prove it!
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Weasel
Spanko
Username: Weasel
Post Number: 131
Registered: 06-2006
| | Posted on Saturday, July 29, 2006 - 07:29 am: |
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Jeez this thought has actually crossed my mind too! I feel like giving up on my mr. too sometimes. He only sees my desire for a spanking as a prelude to sex and once he's mid-spanking he gets along ok but he doesn't understand (nor, do I think, does he really care to) the dynamics of why it's a turn on for me. I want to scream at him "why don't you get it?" sometimes! But then I remind myself - "dots, lots of dots, he's a guy they need us to connect the dots for them..."
I spent quite a bit of time this week making as leather covered, whipstitched paddle. When I presented it to him he laughed at me and it. That was 2 days ago. I am ready to poke it right up his... well... I just feel like tossing it and all our other sex toys in the trash and telling him he can just bite me and he don't get NO sex if I don't get what I want. (and then I look at what I write and say "well, aren't YOU the epitomy of the saying "there is no u in me me me".")
LadyG I just don't know what to tell you except what I keep telling myself "be patient - Rome wasn't built in a day". Does he need viagra meybe?
Some day you'll spank me... er thank me for this!
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Nicenick06
Junior Spanko
Username: Nicenick06
Post Number: 99
Registered: 02-2006
| | Posted on Saturday, July 29, 2006 - 07:54 am: |
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That is why I am pro finding someone into spanking who is as hard-wired as I am.
That said I am not having much luck… |
Ladygator2904
Spanko
Username: Ladygator2904
Post Number: 230
Registered: 03-2006
| | Posted on Saturday, July 29, 2006 - 08:46 am: |
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Weasel, doesnt it make ya sooooooooo mad when you get laughed at? I also get laughed at when I ask for sex.. 
Nic... it isnt just the spanking aspect, Mr. Gator also isnt into sex and finds it twice a month his manly duty.. THUD........ I on the other hand am a passionate person.
A woman`s heart may be filled with an ocean of secrets but mine have all been released and I have a sore bottom to prove it!
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Nicenick06
Junior Spanko
Username: Nicenick06
Post Number: 100
Registered: 02-2006
| | Posted on Saturday, July 29, 2006 - 09:25 am: |
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Lady G
Well that doesn't sound like an ideal relationship. |
Tammynx
Moderator/Spanking Aficionado
Username: Tammynx
Post Number: 967
Registered: 10-2005
| | Posted on Saturday, July 29, 2006 - 09:42 am: |
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We don't always have sex after spanking. My spankings are almost always for punishment. My husband feels like the punishment will lose its effect if we have sex afterward. That being said we do sometimes have sex afterward because it does turn us both on.
I know that feeling of being let down after being spanked and not having sex. I hate that feeling.
We don't have many "play" spankings I wish we did more of that but it isn't his thing. I don't know if there is such a thing as an ideal relationship. Everyone is so different its really hard to find someone that is going to think like you do all the time. |
Weasel
Spanko
Username: Weasel
Post Number: 133
Registered: 06-2006
| | Posted on Saturday, July 29, 2006 - 09:51 am: |
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you love who you love... I'm hardwired to love this man first and foremost and I doubt not one iota the intensity of his love for me. He frustrates me sometimes  but then there's those OTHER times...
I wouldn't give up the love we share for all the pro-spankers in the world. In fact I did give up a delicious spanko-spankee relationship to invite mr. weasel back into my world after we were separated for 8 years.
LadyG I'm sure you have your feelings for your man like I have mine. Turning to a pro is not an option in my book so please, Nick give us a mans view here - what do we need to say or do to get our guys to pay attention to what we want?
Some day you'll spank me... er thank me for this!
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Nicenick06
Spanko
Username: Nicenick06
Post Number: 103
Registered: 02-2006
| | Posted on Saturday, July 29, 2006 - 10:15 am: |
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Tammynx said above that her spankings are almost always for punishment. And that being said we do sometimes have sex afterward because it does turn us both on.
Now I sometimes have to think of or talk about being spanked or spanking my partner before coming or making me more excited when I do come.
I’d hate the feeling of being spanked or spanking and not having sex relating to that spanking even if a few hours later.
I think I remember the Weasel story. The love of your life and no question or doubt.
That takes my breath away. |
Poofette
Junior Spanko
Username: Poofette
Post Number: 97
Registered: 10-2005
| | Posted on Sunday, July 30, 2006 - 01:27 am: |
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Ladygator,
Don't know if you are submissive by nature or not but have you ever heard of not taking no for an answer??? Do you know what HIS triggers are? Everyone has them even if they aren't very sexual. Obviously yours is spanking but his may be something else entirely. Find it and push the button. Hard. 
Poofette |
Nicenick06
Spanko
Username: Nicenick06
Post Number: 106
Registered: 02-2006
| | Posted on Sunday, July 30, 2006 - 01:49 am: |
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Lady G
What did you mean by gg in the original post?
Well I am single and the den reading makes me aroused.
You are a good and very active contributor.
So please don’t stop.
On second thoughts my advice to you is to buy two vibrators.
I find the ones with the flatter ends more easy to use on females.
I don’t think the rabbit type is too easy to use.
One for vaginal penetration and one for clitoral stimulation.
There is never any reason for anyone to laugh when they ask of sex either.
Listening to that makes my blood boil….
Weasel when you talk about the dynamics you mean the emotional build up,
the thinking about what is to come, the anticipation and so on.
I didn’t really fully understand that comment.
But if you were my partner and had spent time making a
leather covered whipstitched paddle (photo please?) then it would be less than a
second before it was put into use….
Such a shame and my heart goes out to you.
Tammynx. I have a question for you. As well as the submissive side do you not ever feel some form of sexual arousal?
Nice one Poofette. That said ‘Mr. Gator also isn’t into sex’
so he may have zero triggers.
Sorry Lady G but it sounds to me as if that side of your relationship has become routine and not exciting.
I always travel a lot so am never with my partner all the time
and that makes sex just that little bit more sweet when we are/were together.
Still without partner.
Hey why hasn’t Blistering_Blonde (BB) got anything to say on the subject?
Take very special care Lady G
Nick |
Blistering_blonde
Spanko
Username: Blistering_blonde
Post Number: 349
Registered: 10-2005
| | Posted on Sunday, July 30, 2006 - 09:45 am: |
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My heart does go out to LadyG and Weasel ..
If he did that again I would make supper ..sorta..half cook EVERYTHING , half filled bowls , cups , plates..... when commented on.. hand spoon over and say this was like sex /spanking last night. and tell him ..finish YOUR half I will finish mine..
not brating ..making a point, sometimes words are hallow.
To the point of throwing out the toys, ..I would hide them ..along with something that relaxed him ..(golf clubs?, book he is reading?) what ever ..something that would MAKE HIM NOTICE ..why ..again NOT BRATTING ..making point ......if this is what you want/need ..to relax ..this is what I need and I need YOUR help to achieve it.
Alot of times its visual that makes points, my words just blur together and it takes something SOLID for him to understand what I mean.
( my hubby is over 60% deaf so I had to get creative)
He asked what I needed , timidly gave it at first, now he just knows.
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Pinkcheeks
Advanced Spanko
Username: Pinkcheeks
Post Number: 713
Registered: 12-2005
| | Posted on Sunday, July 30, 2006 - 01:20 pm: |
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I do not think I would go so far a Blistering_blonde suggested...and I am only saying this because I KNOW my husband. He would tell me that those kinds of tactics are childish, BUT....everyone has a different relationship, and what might work for one couple, might be a turn-off for another.
Weasel made a good point - the depth at which you love someone will make all the difference.
Here at my house, my husband does find spanking to be erotic, and it is more often then not that a spanking is followed by sex. Oh, there are discipline spankings, but not as often as playful ones. And like Tammy,if a discipline spanking were in order, there would probably NOT be sex following.
Since you have already spoken to him about how you feel Lady, and you admit that he is not a sexual person, I guess the guestion is are YOU willing to give up the spanking? Or for that matter, the number of times you have sex (twice a month??)
Its hard for each one of us as individuals to answer....we all receive spankings for various reasons. I could not give it up, but then again, I have a husband who enjoys it.
I, too, was saddened to hear that a husband would laugh at his wife if she asked for sex! What is funny about that? My heart goes out to you.
Like blistering_blonde said - its making a point that is the important thing - and HOW you make that point could make all the difference in the world.
Good luck to you Lady~~ we are wishing you the best
"Thought I WAS being a good girl...really I did!"
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Tammynx
Moderator/Spanking Aficionado
Username: Tammynx
Post Number: 977
Registered: 10-2005
| | Posted on Sunday, July 30, 2006 - 03:30 pm: |
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Bratting is NEVER the answer. If a man isn't turned on with spanking then bratting sure isn't going to do it. If anything it will make matters worse!!
Nick....I believe I said that my husband and I were both turned on by spanking...so of course I get aroused. We both do I just stated that we don't always have sex after a spanking. |
Ladygator2904
Spanko
Username: Ladygator2904
Post Number: 231
Registered: 03-2006
| | Posted on Sunday, July 30, 2006 - 05:52 pm: |
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NiceNIc, GG = good girl spanking, such as, a flyswatter on the butt just for fun or an endorphine release.
After some serious thoughts on the matter, I realize one thing, I was blessed with a 23 yr marriage and a man who was VERY compatable sexually with me. I think after all that ended (long story) I tried to quickly to "fill the whole". My advice to anyone reading this comment, its ok to fall in love, lust, bliss but don`t jump into marriage too quickly. Its best to just live in sin <grin>...
Hubby came home this weekend, we had a very long talk last night about me slipping away. He is trying very hard to help me through my concerns.
I have learned that it is certainly not fair to compare one husband to another. It is also not fair to say vow til death do us part when this is not a perfect world.
One of the problems is when new hubby and I discussed his lack of sexual desires in the begining of our relationship (yup NiceNic, boring compared to what I am used to in the love making department but without getting too graphic here, lets just say he is not into what most men are into). I knew of his lack of desires up front but I thought in time they would improve. on the contrare.... in regards to hubby laughing at my requests, I told him last night, I simply was not gonna request anymore. He said, he would not like that and I should not try to supress my sexual desires. hm... I will have to think about this one ===:o
A woman`s heart may be filled with an ocean of secrets but mine have all been released and I have a sore bottom to prove it!
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Blistering_blonde
Spanko
Username: Blistering_blonde
Post Number: 353
Registered: 10-2005
| | Posted on Sunday, July 30, 2006 - 06:01 pm: |
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Perhaps he laughs cause he thought it was cute ...or liked your boldness?
Men ..who can figure them out.
He asked what I needed , timidly gave it at first, now he just knows.
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Mistydawn
Junior Spanko
Username: Mistydawn
Post Number: 92
Registered: 05-2006
| | Posted on Monday, July 31, 2006 - 12:37 pm: |
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I know this is the same old advice that comes trotting out but to me it's all about communication. W. wasn't really in to all this stuff and It's sort of taken me 15 years to get him to understand. He had done things simply because I asked but never really understood what they did to me.He never got it erotically. I was very frustrated and felt trapped . I was only telling him a tenth of my desires and they were falling flat BUT.. We always had love and always talked. We stepped up the talking and now we seem to have everything well except my bloody orgasms but thats another thread.
There is always hope.
You can't compare any two relationships but I think all relationships benefit fom good honest openness.
I hope things get better lady. Frustration is a difficult thing to deal with. As a sideline measure are there other ways you could relieve the tension!
--------------------------------------------
MistyDawn
--------------------------------------------
Learning to love and loving to learn
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Subbie
Spanko
Username: Subbie
Post Number: 112
Registered: 05-2006
| | Posted on Monday, July 31, 2006 - 04:43 pm: |
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Have to agree with Misty, need to talk and get it all out. and for some it is easier said than done, some people just don't want to talk when they have a problem, but that doesn't make the problem go away either.
I feel very lucky, my hubby may not understand all that makes me submissive but he excepts me the way I am. can't ask for more than that.
my name says it all
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Ladygator2904
Spanko
Username: Ladygator2904
Post Number: 236
Registered: 03-2006
| | Posted on Tuesday, August 01, 2006 - 08:49 am: |
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I think his laughter is due to feeling uncomfortable. Before me, although married, he went without sex ( well except some taking care of himself tactics) for ten yrs!!!!!!!!!! So, I try to understand him.
In regards to talking. we talked a lot his first night home. Afterwards came a nice spanking and lovemaking. Unfortunately, also the same day he lost his job Time will tell all...
I love you all, you are so kind to help me through my trails and triblulations...
A woman`s heart may be filled with an ocean of secrets but mine have all been released and I have a sore bottom to prove it!
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Blistering_blonde
Spanko
Username: Blistering_blonde
Post Number: 355
Registered: 10-2005
| | Posted on Tuesday, August 01, 2006 - 09:19 am: |
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OH NO ..
well that really did not help the situation ..Sorry to hear that and I hope he is able to find another quickly.
BUT on the bright side .you got a NICE spanking and lovemaking ...
Good luck with the rest
He asked what I needed , timidly gave it at first, now he just knows.
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Tammynx
Moderator/Spanking Aficionado
Username: Tammynx
Post Number: 983
Registered: 10-2005
| | Posted on Tuesday, August 01, 2006 - 11:45 am: |
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Sorry to hear about the job loss Ladygator.
I'll keep a good thought for you!! |
Pinkcheeks
Advanced Spanko
Username: Pinkcheeks
Post Number: 716
Registered: 12-2005
| | Posted on Tuesday, August 01, 2006 - 01:17 pm: |
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oh lady...sorry to hear about the job loss - that could be stressful. You are in my thoughts -hoping only good things come your way 
"Thought I WAS being a good girl...really I did!"
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Atomicpuppy
New member
Username: Atomicpuppy
Post Number: 2
Registered: 08-2006
| | Posted on Tuesday, August 01, 2006 - 02:47 pm: |
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Hi all,
Me personally I get turned on just thinking about being spanked,to the point I will need to do something about it.Normally tug,tug,splurt.
However back to your question,if you are involved in erotic spanking then some sort of sexual fun is probably a must,but if you are being punished then why should you get rewarded with sex.Surely you should be made to wait.How long should be upto the spanker,1hr 2,5 24hrs?
If your child had been naughty you wouldn't give them sweets,would you?Even if you are role-playing.Make them wait.Your supposed to be in punishment.The sexual tension between you the next day should be more electric. |
Fanny
Moderator/Spanking Aficionado
Username: Fanny
Post Number: 2596
Registered: 05-2005
| | Posted on Tuesday, August 01, 2006 - 10:26 pm: |
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First I want to say I'm sorry the job loss has added to your problems. I know (think)that Blonde was just joking, but I'm sure getting spanked is not a compensation right now.
Back to your original question. Yes, there have been times in our very long relationship when for one reason or another we did stop spanking for a time. Either real life was getting too heavy for one of us just lost desire for it. I don't think pushing the matter helps in the long run. Some people are just more sexually responsive than others, and it can be difficult, but no more so than when one half of the couple likes concerts and the other doesn't. My husband and I don't enjoy/dislike all the same things.
I think you need to rule out any medical problems that may standing in the way with your husbands libedo first. Next, it is just a fact that we need to accept that not everyone "gets" the fun of spanking. Not a wonderful thought when you are in a relationship, but no one said that life is fair.
Queen of Innocence
"Well behaved woman rarely make history"
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Fanny
Moderator/Spanking Aficionado
Username: Fanny
Post Number: 2597
Registered: 05-2005
| | Posted on Tuesday, August 01, 2006 - 10:30 pm: |
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P.S I forgot to add that don't lower yourself to bratting. I do not know of one man who finds it cute or desirable. Very short term might get you a bit of attention with some men, but it grows old VERY quickly. Plus I don't know why any mature woman would want to make herself look childish.
Queen of Innocence
"Well behaved woman rarely make history"
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Blistering_blonde
Spanko
Username: Blistering_blonde
Post Number: 360
Registered: 10-2005
| | Posted on Tuesday, August 01, 2006 - 10:41 pm: |
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I had to clear this up:
I never said to be a BRAT ..I did say my hubby was near deaf and needed visual in order to understand what I wanted.. as words DID not make sence to him.
Its comunication ...but he needs visual ...
you just have to keep talking ..anyway you can ..so he will listen, and understand.
He asked what I needed , timidly gave it at first, now he just knows.
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Fanny
Moderator/Spanking Aficionado
Username: Fanny
Post Number: 2599
Registered: 05-2005
| | Posted on Tuesday, August 01, 2006 - 10:48 pm: |
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I really don't want to get off topic here and I apologize, but certainly half cooked meals and hiding things is not a very mature way to get anyone's attention. Maybe you should try tactile over visual.
Queen of Innocence
"Well behaved woman rarely make history"
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Arizonathief
New member
Username: Arizonathief
Post Number: 6
Registered: 06-2006
| | Posted on Wednesday, August 02, 2006 - 01:53 am: |
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Wrong partner... that's my opinion. He is certainly not a very sexual person... going without for 10 years, and now finding twice a month enough... make that crystal clear. When combined with a sexual person, that's a big problem.
That he spanks... and then shrugs off your desires with... 'I'm not very sexual'... seems like an even bigger problem.
Seriously, as a man that has spanked a few women along the way... a hard-wired spanko (like yourself) isn't a sexual rubik's cube after a spanking session. With a half-hearted effort and 15-20 minutes... he could satisfy you. Wouldn't be mind blowing sex, but it would sure-sure take the edge off. Heck... 5-10 minutes might well be enough time.
If he was saying that sex and spanking don't go together in his mind... that spanking should be only/mainly for punishment... then there would be an honest disagreement. But what he's doing... is exceedingly selfish.
And that's the way I think you should look at this... as him being selfish. Not him being a "not very sexual person." I mean... even if you were exceedingly neutral about doing something, but you KNEW it gave him great pleasure... and would take only a small amount of time and effort on your part... would you deny him?
My advice is... gently confront him about being selfish. Let him know what you need at the minimum. If he balks... be less gentle. You really have every right to sexual gratification from your partner.
Chances are though... your choice will come down to either finding a new partner, or learning to live with the way things are now (an anticipating it gets even worse).
If it were me, and I was in a situation in which spanking was leaving me frustrated... but I'd made the decision to stay (which is reasonable... so-so many factors have to be weighed)... I'd give up spanking completely. |
Ladygator2904
Spanko
Username: Ladygator2904
Post Number: 240
Registered: 03-2006
| | Posted on Wednesday, August 02, 2006 - 07:33 am: |
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again, thanks for all the advice. I have channeled my frustrations into my return to martial arts the good news is I am getting much stronger both physically and mentally. Not to mention, lost ten pounds. Not sure where this is headed.
A woman`s heart may be filled with an ocean of secrets but mine have all been released and I have a sore bottom to prove it!
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Buenaventura
Spanko
Username: Buenaventura
Post Number: 115
Registered: 04-2006
| | Posted on Wednesday, August 02, 2006 - 09:53 am: |
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All this is so damn interesting!!First of all I learned from some girl friend some forty or so years ago that women a lot of times satisfy their men without always being satisfied themselves.I,ve always thought that it,s a mutual thing not just something women do for men.There have been times in my relationships when I wasn,t in the mood but after caressing and playing with her for a while I,d end up getting exited too but even if I didn,t I could always bring her to climax manually and linguistically(that sounds funny).I find it amazing the lack of communication that people have even when they love each other.I really think that talking these things out is very important(and showing this thread to your husbands girls)They have to start being a lot less selfish. |
Nexus
New member
Username: Nexus
Post Number: 28
Registered: 05-2006
| | Posted on Wednesday, August 02, 2006 - 10:33 am: |
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I agree with Fanny that bratting gets old and for me it is a put off. Blondebrat you said you wanted to clear yourself up, however your original post was all about bratting.
Back to the topic at hand:
If your love is strong Lady and it sounds as if it is then you should be able to work the rest out. Communication is very important. He can't read your mind you have to talk to him.
Good Luck!! |
Nicenick06
Spanko
Username: Nicenick06
Post Number: 113
Registered: 02-2006
| | Posted on Thursday, August 03, 2006 - 12:56 pm: |
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Blistering blonde…. Golly. That would make him real mad I suspect.
Pinkcheeks… I love that name as well… I agree with you my heart goes out to lady G.
Tammynx. Ok understood and that is nice.
LadyG: NiceNick stands for Nick in Nice. Thanks for putting me right on GG.
Well your long conversation seems to have sorted some things out.
I’ll keep my fingers crossed for you.
And I think if he has been a good husband then you’ll have to help him through this period of losing jobs.
I am in the automotive industry and soon GM will be gone along with Ford.
The US will probably shortly have no indigenous automotive industry.
Like the UK.
Take care all |
Ladygator2904
Spanko
Username: Ladygator2904
Post Number: 241
Registered: 03-2006
| | Posted on Thursday, August 03, 2006 - 02:33 pm: |
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wow.. my beloved Ford gone???????? how sad a day that wil be for all... also, the GM fans.
A woman`s heart may be filled with an ocean of secrets but mine have all been released and I have a sore bottom to prove it!
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Nicenick06
Spanko
Username: Nicenick06
Post Number: 115
Registered: 02-2006
| | Posted on Friday, August 04, 2006 - 02:45 am: |
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Well lets hope not.
Nick |
Sarahsbrat
New member
Username: Sarahsbrat
Post Number: 44
Registered: 06-2006
| | Posted on Wednesday, August 09, 2006 - 08:32 am: |
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maybe if you started out with the kissing and stuff and worked the spanking into it? I'm like the LAST person to give advise on this though, so don't mind me much.
I do feel your pain though if this is what you need to make it right. I would talk talk and then talk some more and if that didn't work get a vibrator and a picture of James Spader from Secretary.
As for bratting well, I'm a brat and I don't like the ones who brat ALL the time either. Actually a real brat (in the kink sense of the word) doesn't do that at all.
But to do irritating things just to be spanked would make it that much harder to get another person's interest I would think. For me those people are Wannabes.
Sorry I couldn't help though.
Not just any naughty brat...Sarahsbrat
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