Post Number: 51
|Posted on Thursday, February 09, 2017 - 07:53 am: ||
Tonight is a maintenance night. I am still sore from my belt whipping on Tuesday so I know tonight will be hard. I know I need it though. I actually worry I will have to request to increase the severity of my maintenance if I don't behave better soon. I want to be totally submissive to my Dom and I still get defiant when it's time to be punished. I crave discipline and structure but at the last min I panic.
The rule is when being spanked I am to lay there and take it because I deserve it. If I am not submissive in any way I want to be blistered. I want to wait on my husbands every need and want and I want to be punished for hesitation. This is in our Spanking book and that's what I give myself the most tallies for. I added a few rules to the book including hesitation and defiant thoughts to the book. The one for my thoughts require me to be honest with myself because defiance starts with my way of thinking.
For example this morning when my husband asked for his jacket and I was sitting down I thought to myself " why can't you get it" I immediately gave myself 2 tallies. I may need to request a submission week where we work on my submissive way and basically beat me back into my state of mind I like to be in. My servant state of mind. I think I will talk to my husband about that and il let you all know how it goes