Post Number: 183
|Posted on Tuesday, October 30, 2007 - 04:37 pm: ||
I am hoping that this is the right area to post this entry. I am thinking that this would be the most appropriate section to put this discussion.
Anyways here is what I am feeling! I am madly in love with the greatest guy in the world (to me at least He is the most sensitive, caring, kind, and gentle soul and I am in heaven I love him very much as he loves me , and unlike in any other relationship I have ever been in I can actually feel his love for me, and it's just awesome! I am not saying we are the "perfect" couple because we aren't, and we have our problems but overall we are both very happy with each other.
So your wondering what is the problem then? Well we have a big age difference (26 yrs) I am 33 and he is much older than me, but his age never mattered to me because I fell in love with him as a person, not his age. And he doesn't look or act like any 60 year old I have known either. I have a hard time keeping up with him LOL.
We met on line 8 years ago, in fact it will be 8 years tomorrow (Oct.31st) when we had our very first online conversation. At first we were "friends", that had spanking in common but after a few months of lots of talking online, and then months of talking on the phone I knew he was the one for me, and he finally admitted that I was the one for him, but our age difference bothered him but it never bothered me. And although he wanted to meet me he did not want to enter in a relationship with me because of his issues with our age difference, and although I was heartbroken I understood where he was coming from and we remained friends for the next 7 years.
He came to visit me every three months, we talked via the phone and internet. I grew more and more in love with him as time went on, and he admitted that he loved me as well but yet his fears of our age difference is what kept stopping him. Finally he subcummed to his fears and in Dec.2006 he asked if I wanted to be with him, and of course I said YES!! In May 2007 he up and moved over 1500 miles from Ohio to Texas and we are now togather and happy!!
Now here is the problem, three years ago, Dec.2004 he had a heart attack, which scared the hell out of me. But he recovered nicely and has been doing well ever since. I have this fear that I am going to lose him sooner than I want and it's really been bothering me, to the point where I cry alot over it. Before he decided to be with me he sat me down and had a talk with me about all of the pros and cons of our relationship just because of the age difference, he wanted to make sure I exactly knew what was involved with this. Of course I told him that I could handle anything, and that all I knew is I loved him and wanted to be with him. I am just afraid of losing him How does one cope with this? Is it just living one day at a time, and enjoying each other with the time that we have??
I have been waiting all of my life for the type of realtionship that I have with MG, and to think that it might be cut short just because of age really is upsetting. Most couples who are of the same age, or around the same age don't have this issue , and growing old togather is not something that MG and I can have, and it just worries me that I am going to be 65, and alone. If anyone out there is in a relationship with a significant age difference and has some advice, or words of hope I would sure appreciate it.
Post Number: 2413
|Posted on Wednesday, October 31, 2007 - 02:11 pm: ||
I can understand how you would worry about losing the one you love.
Maybe you could look at it like this...
Age isn't the only way to lose someone....young people have hart attackts too.
Car accidents...illness...anything can happen to anyone at anytime. You can't live your life waiting and thinking that something bad will happen.
Live life to the fullest NOW today.
You've said many times how much you love this man...then LOVE him and don't think about MAYBE losing him because he is older then you.
Yes the age difference is a factor but there aren't many people that can see the future.
I want to grow old with my husband as well...but that doesn't mean that something won't happen to one of us. You worry about being 65 and alone...
Michelle that could happen to ANY of us.
I'm wondering and this is just an observation on my part...but are you looking for a way to end this relationship??
In another thread you talked about the lack of sex and that is frustrating to you. Now your talking about the age difference and losing him...
Is there something else going on???
Are you happy??? Your posts sound as if your not
You said you spent years getting to know him you love him.....
My advice is to love him and be with him...don't let everything else get in the way.
All any of us can do is live life one day at a time and have fun and enjoy what you have.
Don't make yourself sick worrying about things you can't change.
Post Number: 185
|Posted on Wednesday, October 31, 2007 - 08:55 pm: ||
Thanks for your advice and words. The answers to your question about if I am happy? I am very happy but there are things that could use some improvment in our relationship but what relationship is perfect. I don't want to end the relationship at all, I do love him and that is why I am with him.
But your right I need to focus on loving him and being with him instead of worrying about things I can't change. Thanks!
Post Number: 3
|Posted on Wednesday, October 31, 2007 - 09:52 pm: ||
Hello! Newbie here, but I know all about love and big age differences! My fiance is 13 years older than me. I get asked these questions, like are you afraid he'll die before you do, and my answer is simple...no. It's not that I haven't ever thought about it, it's just that I can also die at any second of the day. Age matters to an extent, but don't let his age deter you from being with him. If you decide not to be with him b/c your afraid of losing him, your denying yourself the right to be happy. You'll regret it for the rest of your life, it's better to have loved and lived life to the fullest then shy away from something that may or may not happen. Go with your heart.
Discovering a whole new world...
Post Number: 186
|Posted on Thursday, November 01, 2007 - 11:58 am: ||
Thanks for your encouraging words here. But your right and I will take that advice to heart!
Post Number: 2002
|Posted on Friday, November 02, 2007 - 07:33 am: ||
I'm in the same kind of relationship as you. We met online and got together after chatting for a couple of years. I traveled from the USA to the UK to be with him. He is 16 years older than me.
I have the same fears as you because of his age. He is 70 now. Hell I have a heck of a time keeping up with him sometimes! Ok...so his sex drive isn't like it used to be. Mine isn't either as I get older. That is being human. Right now he is healthy and strong. A bit forgetful sometimes...lol.
But if I sit and dwell on the fact that he may go before me than I would be miserable all the time. We take each day as a blessing that we are together. You can't change the past and you have no control over tomorrow. Take care of today. That's all you can do. Be happy with the fact that you ARE together NOW. Take advantage of the time you have and stop worrying.
You never know what the fates have in store for us.
Like you said...no relationship is perfect. All you can do is be happy with what you have now.
Paranoia will only make you build walls.
The more I know about computers...the less I know about computers
Post Number: 188
|Posted on Friday, November 02, 2007 - 02:10 pm: ||
thanks for your encouraging words. And thanks for understanding where I am coming from, no one really knows unless they are in the same boat. But your right , I need to take one day at a time and enjoy we have the time togather and that is what I am doing because like everyone here says there is nothing I can do to change anything! Thanks again.
Post Number: 67
|Posted on Friday, November 02, 2007 - 10:54 pm: ||
When one spouse or partner is significantly older then there is a likelyhood that the younger will survive the elder - on average that's just acturial fact.
It is also true that loving someone, caring about them makes you vulnerable to heartache. Whether that is a child, older or younger spouse - to love is to risk loss.
But the option - not to care or to love is worse. What sense would there be to cut one's self off from love, to chose loneliness to avoid possibly being left alone?
All you can do, all any of us can do, is to seize what is offered and live the life we are dealt, playing the cards with the greatest acumen we can muster.
That is not to say ignore actuarial fact - unequal aged partners do create special financial and estate planning issues - particularly if there are children from previous marriages, or the younger spouse has minimal income or pensions of their own... It is healthy and good to consider these things and take steps to protect the younger partner as much as possible, but beyond that, anticipating the worst only destroys what you have today.
Post Number: 190
|Posted on Sunday, November 04, 2007 - 06:13 pm: ||
Thanks Petergrimm! What you say makes sense.
Post Number: 330
|Posted on Tuesday, November 13, 2007 - 08:27 pm: ||
Anytime you love, you risk losing it. It's what makes loving someone so special. You appreciate what you get with them because it won't always be there. We all get brainwashed into happy endings when in all reality, one of a couple will die first, leaving the other to deal with the pain of loss. While it would be nice to die in each others arms, it rarely happens.
I remember one of the saddest letters I ever got was a Christmas letter from my dad's best friend after his wife had died suddenly, in her sleep. Life was barren for him, after having spent over 50 years with his beloved Helen. He had cancer, they thought he would die first. He outlived her by almost a year before his time came. They say the cancer took him. I think he died of a broken heart.
Love him, cherish him, and live the life you have to it's fullest. Time wasted in worrying over things you can't change only wastes more time.
Some day you'll spank me... er thank me for this!