      
  Alex_b
 Spanko Username: Alex_b
  Post Number: 57 Registered: 04-2005
 
  
  | | Posted on Saturday, July 17, 2010 - 03:40 am:    |  
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  Some have called me a terrible sexist.   I disagree. I m most definitely a sexist,   but I’m far from terrible at it. Truth be   told, I’m a superb sexist. Rather than bore   you by chronicling my path toward chauvinism,   I offer this cautionary example of what can   result from such a distinctly male mindset.     Many years ago, I performed as the title   character in a college production of   “The Importance of Being Earnest ”.   During intermission on the final night of   the show, I escaped to the back of the theater     with a cup of tea while the other actors     gathered outside for a smoke and a chance     to loosen the lacings of their Victorian garb.     Just as I’d placed a slice of cucumber over     each eye and sat back to enjoy the quiet     of the make up room , Kathryn Stahl,     the Lady Bracknell of our production,   burst in fuming about Mischa Bloom,   who played my stage fiancé, Gwendolyn.”    “That little bitch has upstaged me for   the last time!” she hissed, tossing her   prop spectacles aside and plopping her   ample bottom onto the chair next to me.     “Well, this being closing night, I suspect   that’s true.” I replied nonchalantly,   as if still in character.    Kathryn snatched a cumber slice from   my face and began angrily munching on it.   “Oh, we’ll be in other shows together!   And I’m done letting Miss Casting Couch   steal my thunder!” With that, she pilfered   the slice from my other eyelid and poked it   into her mouth.    “We need those for the sandwiches!”    “Improvise!” Kathryn shot back.     Realizing that my alone time was done for,   I sat up and began retouching my eyebrows.   “You know damn well she didn’t sleep with   the director. I mean, come on! Frank is   gayer than Oscar Wilde!”     Unable to argue about that, Kathryn turned   and furiously dusted her cheeks with a   powder brush. “Be that as it may, she stands   in my light, steps on my lines and refuses   to put any effort into our scenes unless   she‘s speaking!”     “I know.” I agreed, sipping at my tea.   “Mischa does the same thing to everyone.   She’s a selfish prima donna. A good spanking   would sort her out.”    “Hmm!“ Kathryn harrumphed. “I’m certain   you’d miss no opportunity to lavish your   attention on her assets! You’re a rake!”    I nearly choked on my Darjeeling. “What?!”     “Not a garden variety rake. I mean-”    “I know the word!“ I said incredulously.   “A rakehell, a degenerate… an eat,   drink and be merry party animal! More to   the point, a womanizer!”    “Well, isn’t that how you’d describe you?”    “That’s hardly the point! Referring to     one’s self as a rascal makes you appear     self-deprecating. Being called one, however,     simply points out that you are, in fact,     a rascal!”     “A rascal then.”    “But you said ‘rake‘! And that hardly   seems necessary. I’d never call you a hoe!“    “I’m not the one with a soiled reputation.”     Unable to argue with her about that,   I returned to my refurbishing my brow.   “Maybe a good spanking would sort   you out, as well.” I grumbled.    I must have been too irate to notice the   silence that followed, because I was   somewhat taken aback to find Kathryn   standing at my side, a moment later.     “And how, exactly, would one go   about that?”     The evocative tone Kathryn employed   put me into some kind of primitive   automatic pilot mode. Wordlessly, I   dropped the grease pencil, took hold of   her arm and drew her across my thighs.   Only the faint rustle of taffeta could be   heard as I positioned Kathryn so that her   backside was angled more advantageously   for what was to come. I then encircled   her waist with my left arm, lifted my right   and brought it down with a loud smack   across her round, womanly cheeks.   A small gasp followed by a subtle moan   was her only reaction. I landed another   resounding swat followed by several   slightly harder ones. Still, not so much as   a whimper from Kathryn. And so I carried   on slapping her fanny, adding the occasional   pat or squeeze to her voluptuous bottom.   As the spanking progressed, I ventured so   far as to pause and slide my palm downward   until my fingers were pressed between the   contours of those shapely thighs.   Lady Bracknell’s rather thick, elaborately   decorated dress provided little opportunity   for my hand to explore, but the way in which   Kathryn lifted her head and arched her back   combined with several prolonged sighs,   made her approval of my ardent attentions   quite evident.     I had in mind to continue spanking and   stroking my impertinent costar until I’d   elicited some sort of verbal response.   Sadly, the lights dimmed for a moment,   which meant the second act was to begin   momentarily. After one last sharp smack   and a lingering caress of her nether   regions, I released Kathryn from her   precarious position. To my surprise,   the look she gave me as she stood and   straightened her costume, was not an   expression signifying, “How dare you?!”,   but one which suggested, “Who taught   you that?!”     The lights dimmed once again, leaving scant   time for reflective pleasantries, so Kathryn   simply stooped to conquer my lips with a   brief but memorable kiss before hurrying   from the room, her right hand wandering   back to stroke a freshly warmed cheek as   she exited.     As fortune would have it, the cast party   was held at Kathryn’s apartment.   Possibly under the guise of being a tad   tipsy, though she’d only had one glass of   wine, Kathryn curled up in my lap as I sat   on her crowded couch with a few fellow   cast members watching the tape of our   performance on a thirteen-inch screen.   We all laughed and especially admired the   droll manner in which we wielded Wilde’s   well-worn witticisms. After the video ended   and the others bid her farewell, our hostess   casually suggested I stay to help clean up.   As consummate thespians, we controlled our   giddiness, chatting casually about the play   while gathering up the plates and glasses.   We then stood, side by side at the sink,   teaming up to tackle the washing.     “You were wonderful tonight.“ I told her.     “As were you.”     “Thanks. It was a pleasure. Such a   lovely part.”    “You handled it beautifully.” Kathryn purred.   “Made it your own. I intend on giving you   a rave review.” she added, vigorously rubbing   a large spoon handle clean.     “Yes, well...” I said, trying not to stare.   “Thank you.”    As I slid the last dried plate into   the dish rack, Kathryn pressed her   body against mine and whispered a   phrase previously unfamiliar to me.     “Want to feed my cat a banana?”    “What?” I said. “Cats don’t eat…   Oh. I get it.”    Other things happened that night.   And again early the next morning.   Then once more, as we showered.   She used this apple scented body wash.   To this day, I'm apt to become fully   aroused by the smell of cider.    And that’s how I became comfortable   in my role as a shamelessly sexist rake.     As for Kathryn, I doubt she even   owned a cat.    THE END "I'll love you 'til you can't sit down."  
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